Truthfully I don't really have time to worry about it. I have so much going on and so many things flying at me I am surprised that I remember my name.
Physically I am breaking down- I think that the stress is beginning to kick my ass. My body aches constantly. My hair is getting a bit thin and I do believe that a couple of gray hairs have found their way to my head.
Back and knees hurt- but I refuse to give in. I refuse to go quietly into the night.
Maybe it is because I feel like I like alone and apart. Maybe it is because I still feel you out there and I remember that my best fucking friend has chosen to walk away. Maybe it is because I don't believe silly female answers like "curiosity" as being the reason you show up here.
I know, I keep repeating myself. I yell at you and you come back anyway. Maybe it is because you don't believe me. Maybe you think I am pussy whipped or maybe you feel what I feel and don't know what to do about it.
Beats the fuck out of me. So for better or worse I keep spouting off here. But I knew that you would come today. Knew it the same way that I knew when you would call me. So what difference does it make.
If my heart is right then none of this makes a difference. And if my head is right then none of this makes a difference.
Don't ask me to explain because I won't. Maybe if you are ever lucky enough to be with me again I'll tell you- but I am too tired for that now.
You'll be back again and so will I. Got to go pack now and try to figure out where I am going to live.
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