Haunted

Woman, don't know how to say what must be said other than that connection keeps burning and I find myself wandering back to see what we once said. The memories flood through my mind and I remember telling a girl that I didn't just love her, but that I "fucking" loved her.

So I stand here in my own private hell and wonder if I need to turn off my head and follow my heart. Wonder if I am stuck in a moment that I can't get out of or if this is just the prelude to something special and amazing.

Took a look at the words below and remembered how you shook when you read them and how once you couldn't close your heart to me. Closed my eyes and couldn't help but feel that I still hold that key.

Have I lost my mind. Am I completely out of touch with reality. Well, I suppose time will tell now won't it.

Each day I wake up and go to bed with the same dull ache in my side. A piece of my heart is missing. There is an empty place that feels cold. It is bitter this pain. So I close my eyes and I let my mind go and it finds you there.

Across the endless time and space I find you, my love eternal. My other half who helps to complete me.

You understand the things that no one else does. You are the star in the night sky that leads me home. There is no one like you. No one who sees me as you do, no one who infuriates me as you do. The anger and frustration, the joy and the pain. Happy and sad, you take but you give more.

My love for you is.

It just is. I no longer remember when you were not a part of me, not in a real sense. And if we should ever be separated, truly separated my soul would always remember. Be it ten minutes or ten years I know that it would take but a moment for it all to come back.

I will always be here holding your hand.

Frustration

Dear June,

I texted you a short time ago to let you know that I am thinking of you. Got a quick note back, you were in the limo.

I am torn apart by all of this. It might not mean anything to you. It might seem strange to hear or know that I feel simply awful or maybe you get it.

Maybe you understand that I am heartbroken about not being there by your side. I am torn up because it feels wrong to me not to be there to support you and to wrap my arms around you.

Things are as they are and I continue to operate based upon instinct and my gut. I was so very thankful to get that text from you and I hope that my words help. I hope that you feel my support from far away.

You know that you have my love and I hope that means something to you. If you so choose I can be your rock. I'll try to stay in the background and give you your time, but occasionally I will check in so that you remember that someone out here is thinking about you.

-Johnny

My Condolences

Dear June,

Words cannot properly express how very sorry I am for your loss. You are in my thoughts. If you need me you know that I am here for you. If I can be of any help please don't hesitate to reach out.

-Johnny

P.S. It may sound ridiculous to you but I am very sorry that I never got the chance to meet him in person. It would be wrong and a complete exaggeration to say that I knew him, but I really feel like I knew a part of him.

You told me so many stories and I really did listen to them. It is hard not to be able to do more than I am doing, but I understand the situation. My sweet Juneleh, I always hurt when you are hurting.

Again, I am so sorry. When you need me I will be there.

And Things Take A Turn

Dear June,

Life has gotten far too interesting here. Wasn't sure if I was going to to write you about this but this craziness is killing me and I need to blow off steam.

One my of BILs is on life support now. Been on a machine for a week and it is a bit unclear how much longer it will be. He contracted a very bad case of an infectious disease that normally doesn't take down a healthy 36 year old, but something weird happened here.

Been working overtime to take care of my sister and nephew. Been trying to keep them both calm and help out as best I can so that this crazy mess doesn't get any crazier, but it is just nuts.

The BIL's parents are so crazy and making this all much more complicated than it has to be. Stonewalling, sandbagging and trying to prevent my sister from being as involved as she should be.

Good times, let me tell you.

Hampshire

My parents are currently in the city. Told them that I know where to send them for bagels and other odds and ends. Kind of weird that they are there, almost suggested that they go find a certain house and take a picture of it.

But I didn't. Figure if I am ever trapped there I'll need something or someone to do. ;)