You have been asking yourself that question. Will I hold Johnny again and how can I make it happen without admitting that he is right.
I know this because I know things.
I wonder what you remember from being together. I wonder if you remember what it felt like to be held and to be one. I expect you do and maybe you'll get another shot, or maybe not.
Visibility
Every Other Day
Dear Juneleh,
You show up in these places roughly every other day so this should be your "on" day. Sometimes you and your lists are so predictable, kind of cute in your illogical and irrational way...shorty. ;)
Been one hell of a week woman. You who used to be my YLC have become my favorite ghost, nah scratch that, Casper is. He is friendly. ;)
So I am busy looking for an agent to help with this little story I am working on. I like to think that hardback is coming, but I'll settle for paperback and Kindle. One step at a time.
Makes me think of Tom Jones, Think I better dance Now. Stumbled onto this video and wasn't even looking for it.
To be fair I'll give you this link too.
Got to tell you, I know things but I don't have time to share them all now. Might hit them later, might not.
Ok YLC to be, I am out.
You show up in these places roughly every other day so this should be your "on" day. Sometimes you and your lists are so predictable, kind of cute in your illogical and irrational way...shorty. ;)
Been one hell of a week woman. You who used to be my YLC have become my favorite ghost, nah scratch that, Casper is. He is friendly. ;)
So I am busy looking for an agent to help with this little story I am working on. I like to think that hardback is coming, but I'll settle for paperback and Kindle. One step at a time.
Makes me think of Tom Jones, Think I better dance Now. Stumbled onto this video and wasn't even looking for it.
To be fair I'll give you this link too.
Got to tell you, I know things but I don't have time to share them all now. Might hit them later, might not.
Ok YLC to be, I am out.
Adrift
Dear June,
I am not entirely sure why I am sharing this with you, but I am. I feel completely disconnected and set adrift from virtually everyone and everything.
There are many reasons why this is so. Some of it has everything to do with me and some of it has nothing to do with me. I suspect that much of it has to do with transitions and my feeling unsettled. It is a bit like trying to walk on a teeter totter while juggling chainsaws and trying to avoid the spouts of flame from the burning river below.
There is no doubt in my mind that I will get beyond this and that things will fall into place, but it is not always easy to feel like you are carrying the load by yourself. And that is how I feel. I am hooked up to a plow, the wrong end I might add.
So I have made a point to sit down and create my own set of lists so that I can have tangible proof of my accomplishments. I see lots of check marks, but not as many as I would like. I see progress, but not as fast as I wish it would be.
It will happen. I am stubborn and I have a hard head. Hell, if someone tried to put a bullet in it the bullet would bounce off and I would be left with one hell of a bruise.
I guess I am just saying that sometimes I feel a bit worn out and tired. Could use a hug and if you wouldn't mind your mouth might be nice.
Remember the first time, the eye contact between us was intense. You had such a big smile on your face and I am pretty sure that I did too.
Man oh man woman, I would like to do a million different things. But I'll save that for a different time.
MLBF
I am not entirely sure why I am sharing this with you, but I am. I feel completely disconnected and set adrift from virtually everyone and everything.
There are many reasons why this is so. Some of it has everything to do with me and some of it has nothing to do with me. I suspect that much of it has to do with transitions and my feeling unsettled. It is a bit like trying to walk on a teeter totter while juggling chainsaws and trying to avoid the spouts of flame from the burning river below.
There is no doubt in my mind that I will get beyond this and that things will fall into place, but it is not always easy to feel like you are carrying the load by yourself. And that is how I feel. I am hooked up to a plow, the wrong end I might add.
So I have made a point to sit down and create my own set of lists so that I can have tangible proof of my accomplishments. I see lots of check marks, but not as many as I would like. I see progress, but not as fast as I wish it would be.
It will happen. I am stubborn and I have a hard head. Hell, if someone tried to put a bullet in it the bullet would bounce off and I would be left with one hell of a bruise.
I guess I am just saying that sometimes I feel a bit worn out and tired. Could use a hug and if you wouldn't mind your mouth might be nice.
Remember the first time, the eye contact between us was intense. You had such a big smile on your face and I am pretty sure that I did too.
Man oh man woman, I would like to do a million different things. But I'll save that for a different time.
MLBF
A Thousand Love Letters
Dear June,
Have I written you a thousand love letters yet? I am not quite sure, but I bet that you have received hundreds. I bet that I have dedicated thousands of letters to you and half as many punctuation marks.
Was thinking about all of our adventures together and how I would write about them. The red faced girl who was "confronted" in the parking lot comes to mind, among others.
Of course that reminds me of many things, smiles you have given to me and other things you have given to me. Hell, those other things kind of make me feel all kinds of tingly sensations. My ticklish girl who claims that she only comes here because she is curious.
Whatever will you say or do when I come to town. I most certainly wonder and then I remember how loud you are and I smile.
Got a good gift for you one day. Just you wait. You, the heroine of the story and the movie star- pretty cool if you ask me.
Still you need a big hug and an even bigger spanking. That is because you need to submit. Be dominated again and give in to me.
It is more than worth it. We both need it and no one else can fill that hole in the same manner now can they. I'll let you decide if that is figurative or literal.
I'll be back to add to this later, got to run now to go take care of a few things.
I might love you or I might not.
Have I written you a thousand love letters yet? I am not quite sure, but I bet that you have received hundreds. I bet that I have dedicated thousands of letters to you and half as many punctuation marks.
Was thinking about all of our adventures together and how I would write about them. The red faced girl who was "confronted" in the parking lot comes to mind, among others.
Of course that reminds me of many things, smiles you have given to me and other things you have given to me. Hell, those other things kind of make me feel all kinds of tingly sensations. My ticklish girl who claims that she only comes here because she is curious.
Whatever will you say or do when I come to town. I most certainly wonder and then I remember how loud you are and I smile.
Got a good gift for you one day. Just you wait. You, the heroine of the story and the movie star- pretty cool if you ask me.
Still you need a big hug and an even bigger spanking. That is because you need to submit. Be dominated again and give in to me.
It is more than worth it. We both need it and no one else can fill that hole in the same manner now can they. I'll let you decide if that is figurative or literal.
I'll be back to add to this later, got to run now to go take care of a few things.
I might love you or I might not.
Spunky Girl
Yo spunky girl,
Take that thing out of your mouth for a moment and give me a call. Nah, don't take it out because I might not get a word in edgewise. Wonder if you could talk any faster.
You have been a bad girl and need a serious spanking. Took a look at an old photo of you and thought, yep, I could do it. And then I thought about it again and decided, you need it.
Been a while since I had my hands on your hips and I am ready and so are you.
Take that thing out of your mouth for a moment and give me a call. Nah, don't take it out because I might not get a word in edgewise. Wonder if you could talk any faster.
You have been a bad girl and need a serious spanking. Took a look at an old photo of you and thought, yep, I could do it. And then I thought about it again and decided, you need it.
Been a while since I had my hands on your hips and I am ready and so are you.
Brokeback Mountain
Yo simian chica,
Been working on various aspects of the story and flipped through all sorts of old emails. Came across lots of material, just an enormous amount.
Do you still have my letters?
Anyway, I stumbled onto this thing about astrology about 50 times and figured I'd include it.
Spent a few minutes looking at this too. Maybe it means nothing or maybe it means something. Your old favorite activity would make for a pleasant distraction for both of us, now wouldn't it. ;)
MLBF
Monkeys love banana fruit
Been working on various aspects of the story and flipped through all sorts of old emails. Came across lots of material, just an enormous amount.
Do you still have my letters?
Anyway, I stumbled onto this thing about astrology about 50 times and figured I'd include it.
Taurus and Virgo:
Both earth signs share the ability to communicate and understand one another intuitively. Their conversations get better over time and so does the relationship. They will understand each other’s goals and hopes for the future. There is an unspoken bond here that once established, hardly ever gets broken. They will provide each other with what the other person instinctively needs and desires sexually. You can’t go wrong with this astrological combination, period. A strong attraction and loyalty will keep these two together. Relatives can sometimes be a problem for these two. Virgos understand that listening to their Taurus can provide them the sort of answers that they cannot figure out on their own. The smart Virgo recognizes that Taurus mate knows how to reach them in ways that no other can. Focus on healing yourselves and each other and you will have a mate for life.
Spent a few minutes looking at this too. Maybe it means nothing or maybe it means something. Your old favorite activity would make for a pleasant distraction for both of us, now wouldn't it. ;)
MLBF
Monkeys love banana fruit
Connections
I have a friend who moved to your old hometown some years ago. I met her many years ago when I had gone abroad and we lost touch.
Had we not I might have told you that you both went to the same university and asked if by chance you know each other.
Not that it matters, what is 'funny' to me is that she has become friends with people you know. She is also friends with a woman who knows your sister. As a matter of fact, I am friends with this woman's husband.
Wouldn't describe us as being particularly tight, but I find it funny. He shares my name. He and his wife also live abroad. I wonder if he has had the pleasure of meeting your sister's husband. Maybe I'll ask.
BTW, I also found out that my folks have more friends who went to your high school. Damn world gets smaller all the time.
Ok old lady, I'd toss you a banana but you are too fare away...right now. Bed time for me.
Back for more
Is it just me or do you not understand forever and a day. Oh well, math and logic have never been your strong points.
Good to see you here baby, would rather see you lying beneath me. Oh I forgot, you are pretending not to be interested. I might have to incorporate that into the story.
Got a few ideas about how to do it. Richard Dawson is still dead.
If you are lucky I might even give you some special chocolate, but who knows you crazy and confused. Short on time, but maybe I'll come back later and write a longer post.
Good to see you here baby, would rather see you lying beneath me. Oh I forgot, you are pretending not to be interested. I might have to incorporate that into the story.
Got a few ideas about how to do it. Richard Dawson is still dead.
If you are lucky I might even give you some special chocolate, but who knows you crazy and confused. Short on time, but maybe I'll come back later and write a longer post.
Best Friends
Dear June,
Ok woman who once loved it when I called her my YLC or SAW I know you are going to come back here soon so I figure I'll throw out another post. I can write a million of these- it is easy.
You can decide what tone of voice to assign to that last line. Had a crazy couple days, sibling in the hospital- makes for a good time. All sorts of fun with that, great way to lead into a holiday weekend.
Remember when we were best friends and we actually talked about things and supported each other. Yeah me, too.
How about you agree to me supporting you with a big spanking followed by some time on my lap. I'll try not to bounce you too hard, 'cuz it sounds like you might not be used to any sort of physical activity.
And me, well I have got all sorts of energy. All this time in the gym and on the treadmill is really working wonders for me.
Would be just nifty to wear you out, not too hard to do either.
Had an interview about something out your way. Suppose we shall see how that turns out. Would be kind of funny after all this to find me in your neck of the woods on a longer basis now wouldn't it.
Course they have to make an offer and I have to accept. We're still some time away from that and I am evaluating other opportunities too. Could end up staying where I am at, hard to say. This is the joy of uncertainty and the excitement of opportunity.
Well woman, if we don't speak before have a good holiday. Got to run now cuz I have to go let some people go.
Love is a bitch and sometimes you marry one or fall in love with one or something along those lines. Beats the hell out of me which one it is. But that is ok, one of these days I might figure it out or maybe not.
Got some bigger fish to fry before that one. MLBF- always knew I was right about that.
Maybe if you are really lucky you'll have your favorite BIL living with you for a few days. Better padlock the AC because if you don't he'll adjust it for you.
Ok woman who once loved it when I called her my YLC or SAW I know you are going to come back here soon so I figure I'll throw out another post. I can write a million of these- it is easy.
You can decide what tone of voice to assign to that last line. Had a crazy couple days, sibling in the hospital- makes for a good time. All sorts of fun with that, great way to lead into a holiday weekend.
Remember when we were best friends and we actually talked about things and supported each other. Yeah me, too.
How about you agree to me supporting you with a big spanking followed by some time on my lap. I'll try not to bounce you too hard, 'cuz it sounds like you might not be used to any sort of physical activity.
And me, well I have got all sorts of energy. All this time in the gym and on the treadmill is really working wonders for me.
Would be just nifty to wear you out, not too hard to do either.
Had an interview about something out your way. Suppose we shall see how that turns out. Would be kind of funny after all this to find me in your neck of the woods on a longer basis now wouldn't it.
Course they have to make an offer and I have to accept. We're still some time away from that and I am evaluating other opportunities too. Could end up staying where I am at, hard to say. This is the joy of uncertainty and the excitement of opportunity.
Well woman, if we don't speak before have a good holiday. Got to run now cuz I have to go let some people go.
Love is a bitch and sometimes you marry one or fall in love with one or something along those lines. Beats the hell out of me which one it is. But that is ok, one of these days I might figure it out or maybe not.
Got some bigger fish to fry before that one. MLBF- always knew I was right about that.
Maybe if you are really lucky you'll have your favorite BIL living with you for a few days. Better padlock the AC because if you don't he'll adjust it for you.
Getting Played, Promises & Whatever
Dear June,
You still hold the rank of most infuriating woman I know. I still don't buy what you are selling and any time I wonder if it is real I feel like I got played.
Can't decide if that is sour grapes on my part, anger or just looking at things with my eyes wide open.
So any time I feel the fire burning and I begin to wonder if you fooled me I start looking at the list. Yeah, the list. I have one that I made. And there are inconsistencies on it.
There are things that don't add up. I tend not to mention it or send it your way because I expect that I will get one of two reactions:
1) Anger
2) No response
Neither one of them is particularly satisfying. So I take a different tack and sail a different direction. I look at the older posts here and read the comments.
And then I look at old emails and I see the words I remember you saying and writing. It always takes the edge off and I decide that I wasn't played- not then.
I am not saying that you are trying to play me now but I still call bullshit.I still believe that if you had no desire, no interest and no thought of anything you would have disappeared completely. If I am wrong about that I really haven't lost anything because you left me long ago so what is the difference.
And if I am right, well I am not in a place yet in which I can make all of the moves that I want to make but I am getting close. So what difference does it make if it takes me a week, a month or a year longer. I can't make things move faster than they are.
Some things are outside of my control.
But that doesn't mean that I don't want to take you and have my way. Some of that is lust and some of that is love. But there is curiosity there. There is me wondering what would happen.
When you told me it has been a year I wanted to say with who but I don;'t think you would have laughed. But mostly I thought about the girl I first met who talked to me because the physical aspect of her life had fallen so far short of what she wanted and needed.
Same had happened to me. It wasn't the only thing that connected us but it was a part of the start and then all those other pieces fell into place.
I read an email from you the other day in which you told me that you were so upset because we weren't married. I told you that I would keep you barefoot and pregnant. We went back and forth in it.
I had forgotten about it but reading it brought it back. That was before things were strained. It was real. It reminded me that we were real.
So when I started writing this note I said fuck it and just wrote because the thing that made it different was that once we were best friends. You say we are friends now but I am not so sure. We aren't married, we aren't lovers and we aren't friends.
We are in some other category. Don't know what that is and I don't have to. I just know that right now I have to keep following this path I am on.
I just know that when I write to you I am going to just write because what made us different was that honesty. It was the trust and faith that we could say anything and be ok. It was that promise to never let go.
Well, I don't know what the future holds. I still say that if I can convince you to get naked again we'll learn a lot. Maybe you'll keep telling you are not interested or maybe you'll stop. We'll see.
Got to run now. Getting ready to head out on a big trip. Sometimes life is way too interesting. I am ready for something boring and routine for a while.
You still hold the rank of most infuriating woman I know. I still don't buy what you are selling and any time I wonder if it is real I feel like I got played.
Can't decide if that is sour grapes on my part, anger or just looking at things with my eyes wide open.
So any time I feel the fire burning and I begin to wonder if you fooled me I start looking at the list. Yeah, the list. I have one that I made. And there are inconsistencies on it.
There are things that don't add up. I tend not to mention it or send it your way because I expect that I will get one of two reactions:
1) Anger
2) No response
Neither one of them is particularly satisfying. So I take a different tack and sail a different direction. I look at the older posts here and read the comments.
And then I look at old emails and I see the words I remember you saying and writing. It always takes the edge off and I decide that I wasn't played- not then.
I am not saying that you are trying to play me now but I still call bullshit.I still believe that if you had no desire, no interest and no thought of anything you would have disappeared completely. If I am wrong about that I really haven't lost anything because you left me long ago so what is the difference.
And if I am right, well I am not in a place yet in which I can make all of the moves that I want to make but I am getting close. So what difference does it make if it takes me a week, a month or a year longer. I can't make things move faster than they are.
Some things are outside of my control.
But that doesn't mean that I don't want to take you and have my way. Some of that is lust and some of that is love. But there is curiosity there. There is me wondering what would happen.
When you told me it has been a year I wanted to say with who but I don;'t think you would have laughed. But mostly I thought about the girl I first met who talked to me because the physical aspect of her life had fallen so far short of what she wanted and needed.
Same had happened to me. It wasn't the only thing that connected us but it was a part of the start and then all those other pieces fell into place.
I read an email from you the other day in which you told me that you were so upset because we weren't married. I told you that I would keep you barefoot and pregnant. We went back and forth in it.
I had forgotten about it but reading it brought it back. That was before things were strained. It was real. It reminded me that we were real.
So when I started writing this note I said fuck it and just wrote because the thing that made it different was that once we were best friends. You say we are friends now but I am not so sure. We aren't married, we aren't lovers and we aren't friends.
We are in some other category. Don't know what that is and I don't have to. I just know that right now I have to keep following this path I am on.
I just know that when I write to you I am going to just write because what made us different was that honesty. It was the trust and faith that we could say anything and be ok. It was that promise to never let go.
Well, I don't know what the future holds. I still say that if I can convince you to get naked again we'll learn a lot. Maybe you'll keep telling you are not interested or maybe you'll stop. We'll see.
Got to run now. Getting ready to head out on a big trip. Sometimes life is way too interesting. I am ready for something boring and routine for a while.
These Words
Dear June,
I thought about this post and others this evening. I did it for obvious reasons. I made an offer for a particular reason and presented a desire for a particular reason.
They are separate from the others. Way back when it all started we talked about the seasons and how something every so often would be good.
I am very curious what would happen if we had that moment together because I am not buying what you are selling. If it has been a year since that last good time you should do something about it.
But hey, what do I know? Well, my memories are corroborated by other items and I promised you to keep fighting even when you were a pain in my ass.
That is per your request. I continue to be who I am and I continue to try to honor that request in the best way I know how.
It is like playing Poker. Some people bluff. Sometimes you call their bluff and good things happen. Sometimes they don't.
But every now and then crazy stuff happens. Earl Warren surprised lots of people. Who knows. Anyway, poker requires playing out the hand and their are still a few cards left in this deck.
I thought about this post and others this evening. I did it for obvious reasons. I made an offer for a particular reason and presented a desire for a particular reason.
They are separate from the others. Way back when it all started we talked about the seasons and how something every so often would be good.
I am very curious what would happen if we had that moment together because I am not buying what you are selling. If it has been a year since that last good time you should do something about it.
But hey, what do I know? Well, my memories are corroborated by other items and I promised you to keep fighting even when you were a pain in my ass.
That is per your request. I continue to be who I am and I continue to try to honor that request in the best way I know how.
It is like playing Poker. Some people bluff. Sometimes you call their bluff and good things happen. Sometimes they don't.
But every now and then crazy stuff happens. Earl Warren surprised lots of people. Who knows. Anyway, poker requires playing out the hand and their are still a few cards left in this deck.
Fiddler On The Roof
Dear June,
I heard someone talking about Fiddler on the Roof and started thinking about it. Of course it led me to thoughts of you and I.
I could write a long letter about whether we are like Tzeitel and Mottel or be like Tevye and ask, "Do you love me? It is an honest question that I sometimes think about.
I have no doubt that you love me, but the question of are you in love with me is quite different now isn't it. I have mulled over and considered that one at length, mostly in regard to my own feelings. I have asked myself if we really fell out of love or did so much other crap choke it off to the point of exhaustion.
There is a lot to be said about that too and part of me says that I shouldn't share anything too mushy, too gooey or too heavy. But my heart keeps telling me to tell you that I love you.
It doesn't feel odd to say I love you, or at least to write it. Sometimes when I do I swear that I hear you saying it back.
It is a scary sort of feeling because when I write it I put myself out there and risk rejection. That is not something that I am real anxious to experience, at least not with you.
OTOH I already have and there is nothing to say that anything has changed there. Well, actually there is. I see you reading my words and I believe it to be more than just curiosity.
This connection that I feel to you is crazy and I don't get it. It has been so very long and yet it feels like no time has passed.
We talked about that long ago and I told you then that if we had no contact for a decade it wouldn't matter because when we saw each other it would feel like no time had passed.
And I sit here thinking about what it would be like to make love to you again. I think about what it would be like to just let loose and to take you back to our place.
Because I have no doubt about that. Forgive me for sounding crude, but I think it would be just like riding a bike. You know how to touch me and I know how to touch you.
Can't help wanting to take care of you. It feels like you need me and if you do I wish that you wouldn't try to be the tough girl. Let me know and let me carry you again.
I don't believe our story is over.I still love you.
I heard someone talking about Fiddler on the Roof and started thinking about it. Of course it led me to thoughts of you and I.
I could write a long letter about whether we are like Tzeitel and Mottel or be like Tevye and ask, "Do you love me? It is an honest question that I sometimes think about.
I have no doubt that you love me, but the question of are you in love with me is quite different now isn't it. I have mulled over and considered that one at length, mostly in regard to my own feelings. I have asked myself if we really fell out of love or did so much other crap choke it off to the point of exhaustion.
There is a lot to be said about that too and part of me says that I shouldn't share anything too mushy, too gooey or too heavy. But my heart keeps telling me to tell you that I love you.
It doesn't feel odd to say I love you, or at least to write it. Sometimes when I do I swear that I hear you saying it back.
It is a scary sort of feeling because when I write it I put myself out there and risk rejection. That is not something that I am real anxious to experience, at least not with you.
OTOH I already have and there is nothing to say that anything has changed there. Well, actually there is. I see you reading my words and I believe it to be more than just curiosity.
This connection that I feel to you is crazy and I don't get it. It has been so very long and yet it feels like no time has passed.
We talked about that long ago and I told you then that if we had no contact for a decade it wouldn't matter because when we saw each other it would feel like no time had passed.
And I sit here thinking about what it would be like to make love to you again. I think about what it would be like to just let loose and to take you back to our place.
Because I have no doubt about that. Forgive me for sounding crude, but I think it would be just like riding a bike. You know how to touch me and I know how to touch you.
Can't help wanting to take care of you. It feels like you need me and if you do I wish that you wouldn't try to be the tough girl. Let me know and let me carry you again.
I don't believe our story is over.I still love you.
