Hey June,
Had a dream that you insisted we sleep together because you wanted to prove a point. Thought it was kind of funny because I could totally see you doing that. If I suggested it, well you might call me crazy but if you came up with the idea it made perfect sense.
Suppose that begs the question of whether I would sleep with you.
Maybe...
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Hi June,
Been to hell and back and then back to hell. Can't figure out which way is up and which way is down.
I am surprised to see myself standing, let alone walking. Not exaggerating, situation is uncomfortable and I am at a loss to see how to get out of it.
Yet there are these moments where I am convinced I will and that everything will eventually work out. I think that is as likely as asking you to give me head. It is not unprecedented or impossible but given everything it is unlikely.
Hell, I am not even sure I could get it up if I wanted to, but that is something I distract myself with. Maybe you are right, maybe I am sick. But then again, maybe I am not. I'd almost like to believe it because it would make things easier.
Because I could look at things and say that I am confused because my head is broken, but I don't really think that is the case. I think it is just a convoluted and confusing moment. When I stop trying to punch my way out of a paper bag it might get easier.
The funny thing about this is I can see it getting worse and I can see it getting better. Hell I can see all sorts of thing and believe there is a damn good chance they'd happen but who knows.
P.S. You look really fucking good. Better thank someone for good genes cuz you got them.
Been to hell and back and then back to hell. Can't figure out which way is up and which way is down.
I am surprised to see myself standing, let alone walking. Not exaggerating, situation is uncomfortable and I am at a loss to see how to get out of it.
Yet there are these moments where I am convinced I will and that everything will eventually work out. I think that is as likely as asking you to give me head. It is not unprecedented or impossible but given everything it is unlikely.
Hell, I am not even sure I could get it up if I wanted to, but that is something I distract myself with. Maybe you are right, maybe I am sick. But then again, maybe I am not. I'd almost like to believe it because it would make things easier.
Because I could look at things and say that I am confused because my head is broken, but I don't really think that is the case. I think it is just a convoluted and confusing moment. When I stop trying to punch my way out of a paper bag it might get easier.
The funny thing about this is I can see it getting worse and I can see it getting better. Hell I can see all sorts of thing and believe there is a damn good chance they'd happen but who knows.
P.S. You look really fucking good. Better thank someone for good genes cuz you got them.
Hug
Dear June,
Been a long time since we shared a hug. Thought about it once or twice and wondered if maybe you might enjoy getting lost in my arms. Or maybe it is me wanting to get lost in yours. Maybe it is because it has been a long and hard road.
Maybe it is just that or maybe it is because I have memories that lead to questions and a gut feeling about some things.
Could be the last time I saw you I was surprised by how good you smelled. Smell is a powerful sense, it triggers memories, drives ideas and emotions.
If I haven't proved I am pretty good at being standoffish when I want to be it is only because you take that sixth sense that hasn't completely faded and read between the lines. Ah, so much I want to say and maybe one day I will.
For now I'll say I need a hug, the kind where you can just let go and let shit out. Been a little rough and sometimes I feel the weight. If I get said hug or not I'll manage cuz it is what I do, but I am not going to lie, the idea sounds so...good.
Can't write more, just can't let more out. Want to, but not today.
Been a long time since we shared a hug. Thought about it once or twice and wondered if maybe you might enjoy getting lost in my arms. Or maybe it is me wanting to get lost in yours. Maybe it is because it has been a long and hard road.
Maybe it is just that or maybe it is because I have memories that lead to questions and a gut feeling about some things.
Could be the last time I saw you I was surprised by how good you smelled. Smell is a powerful sense, it triggers memories, drives ideas and emotions.
If I haven't proved I am pretty good at being standoffish when I want to be it is only because you take that sixth sense that hasn't completely faded and read between the lines. Ah, so much I want to say and maybe one day I will.
For now I'll say I need a hug, the kind where you can just let go and let shit out. Been a little rough and sometimes I feel the weight. If I get said hug or not I'll manage cuz it is what I do, but I am not going to lie, the idea sounds so...good.
Can't write more, just can't let more out. Want to, but not today.
Words From A Dream
You showed up in a dream and smiled when I called you my sweet girl.
Took your hand in mine and we stared at each other, sharing the kind of moment words can't properly describe. I nodded my head and walked away knowing I was going to have to go through some challenges to get back to you and there were no guarantees it would ever happen.
Looked back once and saw you smiling at me and felt like I had your support and jumped out of the plane, no parachute in hand or on my back with no idea how I'd learn to fly. Did it because I trusted your faith and trusted my ability to sort it out.
Talked later about getting your help sorting out the mess I found. Laughed when you said you were going to be in charge of decorating and said you could take lead if and when the time came. Knew there were no guarantees of that but that heartbreak would visit.
Figured some things work themselves out and some people work each other out. Wondered more than once who was crazier and concluded it didn't matter. Felt crazed and confused and choked on some of the really hard times.
Thought about kissing you and wondered if you ever dreamed about it the way I sometimes did. Remembered feeling you melting into me and decided you must have, but tried not to focus on whether you still did and pretended not to or didn't and didn't want to.
Saw the future in a different dream and woke up feeling like I knew what would happen. Felt so happy and confident and as awareness took hold the dream faded and I couldn't remember what it was I knew.
Couldn't say if the paths diverged and crossed again or just diverged with no intersection. Tried hard to remember so that I could act accordingly and just couldn't. Realized that I was going to just have to move ahead and learn in time what would be.
Saw your face smiling at me and heard the echo of your words. Tried to decide whether to be hard and distant or warm and inviting. Scrambled eggs and scrambled head...no difference between the two, both looked one way at the start and a different way at the end.
Thought again about asking you to take my hand and to let me kiss you so science could help guide the way. Didn't do it, didn't write it or say it. Felt the empty and ache inside and said I would take what came and do as would be done.
The rivers run and still waters run deep. Maybe I have shared my mind or just parts and pieces. Maybe I have seen yours as you have looked outwards or maybe I have been lost, confused and blind.
None can say without more concrete support and none can say if there will ever be any more than thought and ideas. Some claim actions or a lack thereof prove things but I doubt and disbelieve that.
Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't and there is no timeline that dictates the truth of a heartbeat, shared or alone.
Maybe it is nothing more than fodder for writing and ideas for stories about things that might have been or could be. Ideas for stories is a sacred gift unto itself. Invaluable and amazing. None can do more than guess at that which lies in the depths of the mind which is why sometimes you have to write the story you see because otherwise it is lost and some things must be shared.
And with that he thought about other things and left them unsaid and unshared uncertain if they would ever be more than fragments of an idea. Not much different from the red rose you whose petals remain closed and unopened.
You can guess at the beauty that might exist if it were open but you won't ever know for certain unless you see it.
Took your hand in mine and we stared at each other, sharing the kind of moment words can't properly describe. I nodded my head and walked away knowing I was going to have to go through some challenges to get back to you and there were no guarantees it would ever happen.
Looked back once and saw you smiling at me and felt like I had your support and jumped out of the plane, no parachute in hand or on my back with no idea how I'd learn to fly. Did it because I trusted your faith and trusted my ability to sort it out.
Talked later about getting your help sorting out the mess I found. Laughed when you said you were going to be in charge of decorating and said you could take lead if and when the time came. Knew there were no guarantees of that but that heartbreak would visit.
Figured some things work themselves out and some people work each other out. Wondered more than once who was crazier and concluded it didn't matter. Felt crazed and confused and choked on some of the really hard times.
Thought about kissing you and wondered if you ever dreamed about it the way I sometimes did. Remembered feeling you melting into me and decided you must have, but tried not to focus on whether you still did and pretended not to or didn't and didn't want to.
Saw the future in a different dream and woke up feeling like I knew what would happen. Felt so happy and confident and as awareness took hold the dream faded and I couldn't remember what it was I knew.
Couldn't say if the paths diverged and crossed again or just diverged with no intersection. Tried hard to remember so that I could act accordingly and just couldn't. Realized that I was going to just have to move ahead and learn in time what would be.
Saw your face smiling at me and heard the echo of your words. Tried to decide whether to be hard and distant or warm and inviting. Scrambled eggs and scrambled head...no difference between the two, both looked one way at the start and a different way at the end.
Thought again about asking you to take my hand and to let me kiss you so science could help guide the way. Didn't do it, didn't write it or say it. Felt the empty and ache inside and said I would take what came and do as would be done.
The rivers run and still waters run deep. Maybe I have shared my mind or just parts and pieces. Maybe I have seen yours as you have looked outwards or maybe I have been lost, confused and blind.
None can say without more concrete support and none can say if there will ever be any more than thought and ideas. Some claim actions or a lack thereof prove things but I doubt and disbelieve that.
Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't and there is no timeline that dictates the truth of a heartbeat, shared or alone.
Maybe it is nothing more than fodder for writing and ideas for stories about things that might have been or could be. Ideas for stories is a sacred gift unto itself. Invaluable and amazing. None can do more than guess at that which lies in the depths of the mind which is why sometimes you have to write the story you see because otherwise it is lost and some things must be shared.
And with that he thought about other things and left them unsaid and unshared uncertain if they would ever be more than fragments of an idea. Not much different from the red rose you whose petals remain closed and unopened.
You can guess at the beauty that might exist if it were open but you won't ever know for certain unless you see it.
