Will I Be Right?

 Dear Sweet June,

Will I be right about you coming back tonight to see what I have left for you or will you fool me?

Not sure, I know you are thinking about what I have written and that you are considering what to do. I am certain of it.

Certain that in some ways it would be easier for you to sleep with me if there was nothing else tied up in it but that is not something either of us believe. We have lived too much and loved too hard for it to be just sex.

Still, I am not lying when I say I don't go into this with expectations of marriage or living together. Won't say any of those are impossible because we have proven to me that it is impossible to make a 100 percent prediction of what will or won't happen.

I am not exaggerating when I say I have been to hell because I have taken some beatings that made me wonder why I have to be so goddamned tough and durable. Made me wonder why I didn't just break because that might be easier.

But I am who I am and you have seen as much as anyone and you haven't seen it all. Why wouldn't I want to make love to you again. Why wouldn't I want to take you and have my way.

There is a depth of trust that comes with us in spite of everything.

Sometimes I have a hard time accepting I don't look like I once did and can't physically do all I could but at the same time most of that is bullshit.

Looks aren't everything and I don't think I look horrible. And hell, I can still do quite a bit and with a little effort can do even more. It is just harder to maintain than it once was but so what.

So I have come clean, told you I want you in my arms. Want to have my way with you and I know that will happen.

I am exceptionally curious about it all. That connection is powerful.

Maybe I have written too much, given you too much stimulation, too much intensity but I don't think so. You aren't scared of me, nor should you be.

Mostly I am wondering if you are going to come to me or make me come get you...figuratively of course.

You could tell me to go away but I don't believe you want to. I am certain you want to know more just as I do.

I can do things one step at a time. I am good at that.

Take my hand woman, step into my arms and get lost for a bit. I can carry you if you let me. :)