Sometimes It is Painful

Dear June,

Maybe it is goofy and ridiculous but every time I hear this song I think of you. Upon occasion people have been around when I have heard it and they have said that I get a far away and sort of dreamy look.

Don't know if that is true, but I do have dreams. Some of them are painful to think about and others aren't. I suppose that is what happens when you choose to dance in the fire. That is me, the fire dancer.

Life keeps moving and changes keep happening all around us. I stop and stare at our moon and wonder if you are looking at it. I turn around to see if by chance you are standing there, but you aren't.

Sometimes it is funny to me to say things like that because I know damn well you aren't. But every now and then it almost feels like you are and you are calling me to come to dinner with you and our kids.

Sometimes it is painful to think of and about these things. I wonder if it is a complete waste of time and then I say what would miss logical and rational have to say about these things. That usually makes me laugh because I know you can't apply logic to this, especially when you are so darn short.

So I just shrug my shoulders and say what do I know?

Well I know that you said I was the love of your life and that you won't forgive me for not finding you sooner. I know you said there are things about me that make you insane and things you love. And I know that I can say the same about you.

I know that I have gotten deeper inside you than any other man, not physically, well maybe, but that is not what I focused on.

Because I know that if these things are true and that if things work out that we find ourselves together I will end up deeper because you cannot help but give yourself to me. You like that and so do I.

Funny, but as I sit here writing I can hear Helter Skelter playing and I realize that the lyrics are appropriate.

I think you would like to let me love you in person and from afar, but you are scared and want a plan. That is what I think.

I keep submitting apps out your way- never know one might come through and then you just might find me there. Possibilities...