Writing and rewriting

Dear June,

I keep writing and rewriting this post. That is because there is a battle going on again between my heart and head. It is pretty simple really.

My heart feels you calling. I swear that I can hear your thoughts and feel your presence. If I close my eyes I can feel your touch and everything comes back. I remember that feeling your legs wrap around me as buried myself inside you. I can see you smile and feel that enormous amount of love you showered upon me.

My head tells me it is an illusion and that I should walk away because you aren't really there. It says to pay attention to your lack of attention and take it at face value.It says there are no silly games being played here and that this is exactly as it was..a memory.

It says this place here is a cemetery filled with what was and nothing of what is or could be.

Yet my heart says that my head is being nothing more than a hardass, that is just an attempt to protect myself. My heart says that only an idiot ignores all of the signs, the contradictions and the little messages that you send.

It says you are waiting for me to come. You want to be tamed again. You want to submit. You want to be dominated and that you protect yourself by pushing against me. We are just not pushing against each other the way either of us wants to push.

So maybe it is time for me to grab your hips and your head. Maybe it is time to be face to face again to see what sparks are flickering around. It seems to me that there are a million other signs and symbols pushing us in that direction.

Well clearly I can't say that you see or feel them but I do. Too many little things that can't be chalked up solely as coincidence come up and I end up back in the place that shows me your eyes, your lips. your heart and your soul.

So what are we going to do about that.