Tick Tock

Dear June,

Time feels sort of like a giant accordion to me. One moment it feels stretched out and the next it is as if it is being pushed together in a giant rush. It is hard, irritating, frustrating and painful-- but here we are. I want to have more than just words to show and share.

I want to be able to write something down and say you can count the days and know that this is exactly when we will see each other again but I don't have that now. What I do have is a lump in my throat and an ache in my stomach.

The upside is that you don't get those feelings, don't have anything close to them unless what you have had is very good. Very good is something we do have and it stands alongside the memories and proof that magic happens. Sometimes the universe conspires to make things happen and I see plenty of evidence in our favor.

I am dreading the drive because it is like a long extended goodbye and I don't like those. I can't just jump on a plane and immediately start working on the future. I will sit in the car for hours and will have nothing but time to think and though I am comfortable with myself and silence I am not looking forward to it.

The stuff I have to do now has to happen and I can't do anything without attending to it so in one respect it feels like I am going to work on stuff that is paralyzing but it is hard.

Still everything has a price attached to it and I am willing to pay for us, so this is just part of it. Have faith in us and all that we have accomplished. You know I love you.