Dear June,
I could tell you about how I never get tired of writing stories about us. I could tell you I love you or talk about how I want to kiss those lips of yours forever but I wouldn't want to bore you so maybe I'll save it.
Or maybe I won't.
Maybe I'll just do what feels right and go with that feeling that never goes away. Don't know how and don't know why.
I just know.
It is scary and exciting and ridiculous. A reminder that life is absurd.
It feels like we should have our own symphony. I would write it if I could. If I knew how to write music I am sure it would spill right out of me with the same ease that words do.
If I could I would undress you and lie naked in bed with you and listen to it.
I remember a moment where I kissed your lips and slid all the way inside of you. The smile in your eyes and the feel of your body next to mine.
How you told me you could stay like that forever and how I nodded my head.
Some people bring things out of you like no other. Some make you recognize and realize things you can't see or feel with any one else.
The funny thing to me is that when I think of looking in your eyes I can remember feeling just as close and just as vulnerable fully dressed as when naked.
And moments where I knew I could ask for and do anything.
MLBF
Visibility
I'd Rather Be
Instead of working I'd rather be taking care of my girl. Would be much more fun making you smile. You get this look on your face that is so damn sexy.
I wouldn't let you rest today. It is too much fun making you scream. I have some ideas for things I'd like to try out with you but I won't say what they are now. Maybe a different day, or maybe I'll wait for...
I wouldn't let you rest today. It is too much fun making you scream. I have some ideas for things I'd like to try out with you but I won't say what they are now. Maybe a different day, or maybe I'll wait for...
Unpacking
Don't feel like doing it now so I'll say that your lips aren't being properly taken care of nor are your legs, your eyes, your heart or the rest of you.
I'd write a prescription for fixing these things but that might sound like I am trying to be a cheesy love doc and I am not cheesy.
Unless I sweat a lot and don't shower in which case all bets are off. ;)
I'd write a prescription for fixing these things but that might sound like I am trying to be a cheesy love doc and I am not cheesy.
Unless I sweat a lot and don't shower in which case all bets are off. ;)
Breaking The Bed
Dear June,
If you were here I do believe I would suggest you help me break in the bed. It would be my pleasure to give you the kind of ride that leads to a great nap.
Another Dream
Twice in a week or at least twice that I remember. Well Juneleh, this is distracting to say the least but it is a fun distraction, certainly better than focusing on the other stuff.
Won't share much in the way of details but you are more flexible than you give yourself credit for, but then again I do know something about that. ;)
Anyway, I'll keep the rest to myself for now, wouldn't want to bore you. Been all sorts of crazy here.
Won't share much in the way of details but you are more flexible than you give yourself credit for, but then again I do know something about that. ;)
Anyway, I'll keep the rest to myself for now, wouldn't want to bore you. Been all sorts of crazy here.
Dream Walking
Some woman showed up in my dreams last night. Ok, it wasn't some woman, it was you.
Yeah you, the chick who told me I could never wear you out. I didn't respond, just said I was going to wear you.
And that is all I am going to share of that.
Yeah you, the chick who told me I could never wear you out. I didn't respond, just said I was going to wear you.
And that is all I am going to share of that.
Hit and Run
Got five minutes before I need to run so this is short. What a crazy week. Got rejected, interviewed, rejected, interviewed and more of the same. Next week is already starting to look nuts and not just because I am leaving town.
Superstitious me is almost afraid to say more than that so I'll just say let's see what happens and hope that what I want comes through cuz the cupboard is running on empty.
But I can say without question I have worked really hard to make something good come through so I can rest easily knowing I have done my best, at least that is the theory. Got a bunch of other theories and ideas I'd rather be testing, but so it goes.
And that is the word for the moment. Good times. Bleah with a crazy smile.
Superstitious me is almost afraid to say more than that so I'll just say let's see what happens and hope that what I want comes through cuz the cupboard is running on empty.
But I can say without question I have worked really hard to make something good come through so I can rest easily knowing I have done my best, at least that is the theory. Got a bunch of other theories and ideas I'd rather be testing, but so it goes.
And that is the word for the moment. Good times. Bleah with a crazy smile.
Crazy Times
I am almost afraid to mention that I am supposed to have three different conversations about things I might do for other people. Ya know, the stuff that helps generate the income to keep food on the table and a roof over my head.
Afraid to mention it because it feels a lot like holding water in my hand and part of me is afraid speaking of it will be like squeezing my hand and watching the water run between my fingers, Been longer and harder to get to this point than I thought but maybe this is where it changes again.
Next week I'll wave when I am over your neck of the woods. You won't be able to see me unless you have x-ray vision but maybe you'll feel me passing by. Initially I had though I might have a short layover and then I'd be close enough to think about places I have driven by, lived in and visited.
Not that it would matter because 40 minutes isn't enough time to go anywhere or do anything. In fact it would probably aggravate me because I couldn't stop to grab some pizza or a sandwich at some places I came to enjoy.
Anyway it ended up not mattering because the flight is direct and so I'll just wave. Might even smile, but I won't promise. And not that it matters but when I talk about pizza I am thinking about a couple of places, rumor has it the joint I used to hit on the way home from the airport doubled itself out of existence.
Pretty sad, not really interested in the Target stuff or the buffet across the street. Oh well, there are bigger and more important things to focus on and that is what I do. I focus on the big and important things.
What a guy.
Three conversations and of course I am waiting to hear back on a few other things. One of these days I might have to build my own deal for real so that I can control more of my destiny. I control much of it, but not as much as I want.
Remember when you think of me, I just might be thinking of you. Or I could be sleeping, I don't do enough of that during the night but I am good at doing it during the day. Does anyone pay people to be a professional napper? I could do that. I would really excel.
Afraid to mention it because it feels a lot like holding water in my hand and part of me is afraid speaking of it will be like squeezing my hand and watching the water run between my fingers, Been longer and harder to get to this point than I thought but maybe this is where it changes again.
Next week I'll wave when I am over your neck of the woods. You won't be able to see me unless you have x-ray vision but maybe you'll feel me passing by. Initially I had though I might have a short layover and then I'd be close enough to think about places I have driven by, lived in and visited.
Not that it would matter because 40 minutes isn't enough time to go anywhere or do anything. In fact it would probably aggravate me because I couldn't stop to grab some pizza or a sandwich at some places I came to enjoy.
Anyway it ended up not mattering because the flight is direct and so I'll just wave. Might even smile, but I won't promise. And not that it matters but when I talk about pizza I am thinking about a couple of places, rumor has it the joint I used to hit on the way home from the airport doubled itself out of existence.
Pretty sad, not really interested in the Target stuff or the buffet across the street. Oh well, there are bigger and more important things to focus on and that is what I do. I focus on the big and important things.
What a guy.
Three conversations and of course I am waiting to hear back on a few other things. One of these days I might have to build my own deal for real so that I can control more of my destiny. I control much of it, but not as much as I want.
Remember when you think of me, I just might be thinking of you. Or I could be sleeping, I don't do enough of that during the night but I am good at doing it during the day. Does anyone pay people to be a professional napper? I could do that. I would really excel.
A New Year
Dear June,
Well baby another year has come and gone and I am back at the computer...again.
Got one hour left on the first day of this new year and I feel...funny. Not sure exactly how to describe that but I suppose if I was willing to try to tell anyone you would be the person I would bare my soul to.
It is not because one day I am going to find your legs wrapped around me and our eyes locked upon each other either because I can always feel you wrapped around me. You know my sex drive and I know if I told you there wasn't any sex wrapped up in that you'd call me on it so I''ll say of course there is.
Sex has always been a part of us but I see the root of that elsewhere. It is that spot that lies behind our eyes and our willingness to invite each other in there. I have told you a million times before that it is more than just sex to me, always had been and I am sure it always will be.
When you gave me the link to the pictures I looked at you and felt that old familiar urge down below and smiled. You just do it for me.
Anyway, I am sitting here by myself thinking about all that led to this point, not just the more than a decade now but the entire life I have known and how very different it is in so many ways. Today I am not focused upon how I am not the man I expected to be or how surprising so many things are to me because I have done that enough to know what I'll find when I go there.
Doesn't mean I won't do it again because the root of some of my writing is tied up in my ability to go back and look through the closets, ashes and dark corners but for now I don't feel any reason to do it.
Maybe it is because I have accepted that I stepped off of the cliff long ago and I have been doing my best to find my wings on the way down. Sometimes I think the reason I have been through so many storms is because I spent too much time fighting who I was supposed to be and not enough on who I want to be.
Doesn't really matter how or why I came to this place where I am now because I am here and now I am just trying to figure out what the next steps should be. Got a pretty good idea and am working on making those things come together.
That Skylar Grey song is one I have listened to a million times but I always think of it as being emblematic of me having heard this call inside my head in which I leave my old life behind and work towards moving towards the new one. "I am coming home" is how I think of it, it is where I am supposed to be.
There is a certain amount of fear in it because of all the career crap I have been through. A certain amount of my wondering what my role has been in how some of these things have gone down. Hard not to not wonder if it is has been dumb luck and bad timing that has shafted me at these companies. Hard not to wonder if maybe I could have taken a different path and had less of a roller coaster.
But it doesn't serve me at all to beat myself up about most, if not all of it. I didn't like 2014 much. It started out poorly and got worse but I got through it and now it is gone. I am busting my ass and doing all I can do to make 2015 better.
Tired of the anchors that keep dragging me down, doing my best to shake those suckers loose.
And there you have it, a longer post.
Well baby another year has come and gone and I am back at the computer...again.
Got one hour left on the first day of this new year and I feel...funny. Not sure exactly how to describe that but I suppose if I was willing to try to tell anyone you would be the person I would bare my soul to.
It is not because one day I am going to find your legs wrapped around me and our eyes locked upon each other either because I can always feel you wrapped around me. You know my sex drive and I know if I told you there wasn't any sex wrapped up in that you'd call me on it so I''ll say of course there is.
Sex has always been a part of us but I see the root of that elsewhere. It is that spot that lies behind our eyes and our willingness to invite each other in there. I have told you a million times before that it is more than just sex to me, always had been and I am sure it always will be.
When you gave me the link to the pictures I looked at you and felt that old familiar urge down below and smiled. You just do it for me.
Anyway, I am sitting here by myself thinking about all that led to this point, not just the more than a decade now but the entire life I have known and how very different it is in so many ways. Today I am not focused upon how I am not the man I expected to be or how surprising so many things are to me because I have done that enough to know what I'll find when I go there.
Doesn't mean I won't do it again because the root of some of my writing is tied up in my ability to go back and look through the closets, ashes and dark corners but for now I don't feel any reason to do it.
Maybe it is because I have accepted that I stepped off of the cliff long ago and I have been doing my best to find my wings on the way down. Sometimes I think the reason I have been through so many storms is because I spent too much time fighting who I was supposed to be and not enough on who I want to be.
Doesn't really matter how or why I came to this place where I am now because I am here and now I am just trying to figure out what the next steps should be. Got a pretty good idea and am working on making those things come together.
That Skylar Grey song is one I have listened to a million times but I always think of it as being emblematic of me having heard this call inside my head in which I leave my old life behind and work towards moving towards the new one. "I am coming home" is how I think of it, it is where I am supposed to be.
There is a certain amount of fear in it because of all the career crap I have been through. A certain amount of my wondering what my role has been in how some of these things have gone down. Hard not to not wonder if it is has been dumb luck and bad timing that has shafted me at these companies. Hard not to wonder if maybe I could have taken a different path and had less of a roller coaster.
But it doesn't serve me at all to beat myself up about most, if not all of it. I didn't like 2014 much. It started out poorly and got worse but I got through it and now it is gone. I am busting my ass and doing all I can do to make 2015 better.
Tired of the anchors that keep dragging me down, doing my best to shake those suckers loose.
And there you have it, a longer post.
