Sometimes I think about wooing you. Sometimes I think about wowing you. Sometimes I think too much.
“We were together. I forget the rest.”
― Walt Whitman
“And your very flesh shall be a great poem.”
― Walt Whitman
“Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you/ That you may be my poem/ I whisper with my lips close to your ear/ I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.”
― Walt Whitman
Wild nights! Wild nights!
Were I with thee,
Wild nights should be
Our luxury!
― Emily Dickinson
Behind Me — dips Eternity –
Before Me — Immortality –
Myself — the Term between –
Death but the Drift of Eastern Gray,
Dissolving into Dawn away,
Before the West begin
― Emily Dickinson
“Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service”
The Tempest – Act 3, Scene 1
“The course of true love never did run smooth”
A Midsummer Night’s Dream – Act 1, Scene 2
Shakespeare
More could be said and more could be shared but sometimes less is more. This serves for now and maybe for longer.
Visibility
Simple Things
Dear June,
Got no idea if or when you'll ever read this.
Got no idea if your heart will be open when you do and if you'll really hear me.
Got no idea if or what about a lot of things regarding you and I.
I just know I miss us and sometimes it is hard because it feels like we had come so far and gotten so close to really getting a chance to see what we could be together.
Sometimes it is frustrating because I feel like the door was slammed shut unexpectedly and without good reason or cause. Got no idea what really happened, just suspicion.
And the craziest thing is I feel like if we really wanted to we could take all that and wipe it away. Like in one moment we could push it all behind us and move ahead. Not because we suddenly developed amnesia but because we remembered who we are and who we can be.
There are some really tough things going on now, stuff that is tearing me up because I can't do anything more than I have done. Has nothing to do with us and I won't write about it, It is the kind of stuff I would only share in person because I just can't put it down on paper, not today, maybe someday.
That frustrates me because there is some really good stuff now too, I pulled off some pretty amazing stuff and it all happened at the same time so I haven't really been able to celebrate.
Don't know that its smart to write or share any of this here. Don't know that it is not. Not going to fight my feelings. Just going to do my thing and live my life. Nothing stays the same and eventually the challenges of today will be past.
Not going to worry about any of it really because I really do believe some things are meant to be and some aren't and you never can really know which is which. You just have to live and see what happens.
Who could have imagined we ever would have met as we did. Has to be one of the craziest things ever, especially when you think of all that came with it.
Got no idea if or when you'll ever read this.
Got no idea if your heart will be open when you do and if you'll really hear me.
Got no idea if or what about a lot of things regarding you and I.
I just know I miss us and sometimes it is hard because it feels like we had come so far and gotten so close to really getting a chance to see what we could be together.
Sometimes it is frustrating because I feel like the door was slammed shut unexpectedly and without good reason or cause. Got no idea what really happened, just suspicion.
And the craziest thing is I feel like if we really wanted to we could take all that and wipe it away. Like in one moment we could push it all behind us and move ahead. Not because we suddenly developed amnesia but because we remembered who we are and who we can be.
There are some really tough things going on now, stuff that is tearing me up because I can't do anything more than I have done. Has nothing to do with us and I won't write about it, It is the kind of stuff I would only share in person because I just can't put it down on paper, not today, maybe someday.
That frustrates me because there is some really good stuff now too, I pulled off some pretty amazing stuff and it all happened at the same time so I haven't really been able to celebrate.
Don't know that its smart to write or share any of this here. Don't know that it is not. Not going to fight my feelings. Just going to do my thing and live my life. Nothing stays the same and eventually the challenges of today will be past.
Not going to worry about any of it really because I really do believe some things are meant to be and some aren't and you never can really know which is which. You just have to live and see what happens.
Who could have imagined we ever would have met as we did. Has to be one of the craziest things ever, especially when you think of all that came with it.
Irritated
Got a lot of reasons to be irritated about the misdeeds and misbehavior but don't know if I'll ever bother to address them. Don't know if I'll even bother to keep this place going.
One More Thing
June,
You are a knucklehead if you don't think I was happy for you or wouldn't have celebrated with you. One of these days.
You are a knucklehead if you don't think I was happy for you or wouldn't have celebrated with you. One of these days.
Hell Of A Year
Well June it looks like 2016 will be a year that lives on in memory for quite some time. Crazy days, crazy moments and crazy memories.
Funny thing is that it is only half way done.
Funny thing is that it is only half way done.
Life is Nothing But Interesting
“Forever is composed of nows.”
― Emily Dickinson
“The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.” ― Emily Dickinson
“To hope means to be ready at every moment for that which is not yet born, and yet not become desperate if there is no birth in our lifetime.” ― Emily Dickinson
And then he walked towards a door knowing not whether it led out of or into a room. None noticed his passage but they definitely noticed his absence.
“The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.” ― Emily Dickinson
“To hope means to be ready at every moment for that which is not yet born, and yet not become desperate if there is no birth in our lifetime.” ― Emily Dickinson
And then he walked towards a door knowing not whether it led out of or into a room. None noticed his passage but they definitely noticed his absence.
The Best Day Of The Week
There was a time when Sundays were the best day of the week, my clear favorite.
Long Time No Update
Haven't updated here for a long time for a variety of reasons none of which need to be spelled out in great detail. Sometimes less is more.
What I will say is sometimes parenting is exceptionally challenging and difficult. Sometimes it feels like you are on point and know precisely what you are doing and sometimes...no.
Been going through an extended moment of WTF in which I feel like I have been trying to tread water after my feet were chained and my hands were cuffed. And because that is just not enough of a challenge someone keeps trying to physically force my head underwater.
While I know that in the long run this is a blip on a long line of life experiences it is hard to use that as anything other than a sad platitude. The kind of thing people say when they have nothing else they can add.
So it is one day at a time knowing some will be hard, some will be easy and some will be a mixture of both. But I keep smiling because I haven't failed a major test yet and this won't be where it starts. Just got to vent occasionally and keep going because that is how you find yourself on the other side of bumps in the road.
What I will say is sometimes parenting is exceptionally challenging and difficult. Sometimes it feels like you are on point and know precisely what you are doing and sometimes...no.
Been going through an extended moment of WTF in which I feel like I have been trying to tread water after my feet were chained and my hands were cuffed. And because that is just not enough of a challenge someone keeps trying to physically force my head underwater.
While I know that in the long run this is a blip on a long line of life experiences it is hard to use that as anything other than a sad platitude. The kind of thing people say when they have nothing else they can add.
So it is one day at a time knowing some will be hard, some will be easy and some will be a mixture of both. But I keep smiling because I haven't failed a major test yet and this won't be where it starts. Just got to vent occasionally and keep going because that is how you find yourself on the other side of bumps in the road.
Been A While
Been a while since I updated here, long enough I forgot about the post below.
Got way too much going on that is kid related. Way too much that has me straddling the line between concerned and worried. It is probably ok, probably fine, probably just stuff they go through. That is what I tell myself, but sometimes I wonder.
Sometimes I wonder if there is something worse going on. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to feel like I had real support and wasn't doing it alone. Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things, but I do what I have to do because it is who I am.
And I promise myself that change is coming and one day it won't be like this.
Got way too much going on that is kid related. Way too much that has me straddling the line between concerned and worried. It is probably ok, probably fine, probably just stuff they go through. That is what I tell myself, but sometimes I wonder.
Sometimes I wonder if there is something worse going on. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to feel like I had real support and wasn't doing it alone. Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things, but I do what I have to do because it is who I am.
And I promise myself that change is coming and one day it won't be like this.
Some Fantasies Remain...Just That
Dear June,
I suppose it wouldn't matter or make sense to ask you to fly out immediately to help me fulfill an old fantasy.
For more than a decade there have been moments where I pondered the kind of fun we could have in my old bedroom. But given that in a day it will no longer be accessible I suppose that it shall have to stay in the land of fantasy and nothing more.
I am going to miss that place would have been nice to show it to you. Definitely not your style, but if you wanted to know more about the places and things that helped make me who I am, that would provide some insight.
Maybe not as much as it could if the walls could talk, but some.
Change is the one constant in life, is it not.
