Yo Junebug,
I was going to start writing a very different letter to you but Gino Vanelli is playing I Just Want To Stop and this cheesy music sent me in a different direction. So I am just going to write and whatever comes out, comes out.
It took years and years to get to this place I am at, mentally, emotionally and physically that is.
I really didn't come here because of you, but I figured it didn't hurt and that it could hurt. Don't know if that makes sense, so I will try to explain.
I have spent a substantial amount of time (where's Neville when we need him, he loves substance) trying to obtain a job as a writer but it has been exceptionally difficult.
Some of it is tied into a bad economy and some of it is tied into being some who didn't have a big portfolio of professional work to present. Add my age into it and you have a more challenging situation. Had I been a twenty something I suspect things might have been a bit easier.
What I really want to do professionally and personally is just write. I want to take whatever skill and ability I have and turn it into something. I don't feel like I making enough use of my talent and so I have been actively working on doing something about that.
You know there are stories locked inside of my head and I want to take them out and put them down on paper.
You have played a significant role in this for so many reasons. Look at us and look at all that can be said about us.
Take that and you have this incredible pool of material to draw upon. We are the raw material of a billion great stories.
We were strangers. We were lovers. We were best friends. We were people who got caught by timing and circumstance. Now we are something else that remains undefined.
Yeah, I know you call it friends and I call bullshit. We are and we aren't. You want to see me and you don't want to see me. You want to sleep with me and you don't want to sleep with me.
It is like I said before, sometimes I just want to kiss you and see what happens. See if that charge goes through us both or if it doesn't.
We aren't the only people to go through this. We aren't the only ones who have wondered what if or tried to figure out if the window is open, closed or just jammed tight.
During the drive out here I remember thinking that the universe and it is infinite sense of humor would cause you to keep me at arm's length while I was here and that as soon as I moved back you would change your mind and ask me to come back.
Is it coincidence that Everything I Own is playing now, beats me and I am not going to focus on it.
But I will tell you that our story burns inside me and not just because of any personal interest but as a writer and storyteller. It is there inside and begging to be told.
This could be a multi-million dollar book/movie.
Money isn't the motivation there, well maybe a part of it but only because I have this dream of being able to afford to do nothing but focus on writing.
I want that beautiful home with the office/study/library that I can get lost in while I just write. It wouldn't hurt to have a private jet to fly. Travel would be easier -- there are so many places to see and experiences to have.
And from a completely different tack I still think it is a bit unfair that you have the opportunity to gain glimpses inside and to get a sense of what is going on and it is not reciprocated.
Most of the time I just shrug my shoulders because it doesn't really matter. I am comfortable and confident that the chain that connects us is pushing through accurate information. It may be wrong, may be completely misguided but it doesn't hurt me.
I may think about you from time to time but I live my life, get my work done, laugh smile and enjoy things so I figure what is the big deal,
It is part of why I decided to just write this note. Fuck, ten years later and I am here. That is fucking ridiculous, isn't it. Bizarre and I guarantee you never believed this would happen.
To be clear, I am not asking you to do anything. I told you what I thought and will say again that you looked ridiculously sexy when I saw you. It surprised me, how good you looked and how I got that little charge.
I am curious about kissing you, but really I would be shocked if we didn't feel like no time had passed.
Anyhoo, I am going to keep doing what I am doing. Going to keep pushing forward, trying to figure out how to write the story that breaks all the chains.
That is my biggest fear right now, that I am not going to hit the mark I have set inside my head. I delete so many of my stories because I look at them and think they suck. Some of them probably don't, but I am better than that.
Last line and then I am off to disappear, quotes that caught my eye today:
“What you seek is seeking you.”
― Rumi
“Inside you there’s an artist you don’t know about… say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe.”
― Rumi
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
― Albert Einstein
“I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I'm a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other.”
― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou
“No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.”
― Robert Frost
Visibility
A New Declaration
Dear Junebug,
This is my declaration of non love for you. Yep, a double dose of non love coming right at you.
Come closer and I'll say it to your face, pull your hair, grab your hips and walk away. Nothing like a mixed message to make you a bit crazy.
I have been out stirring up trouble for no good reason, hell I stopped writing this post for a moment so that I could go reply to someone. Some people haven't any idea who they are dealing with. Cue evil laughter.
It is fun when you don't take it seriously.
What a crazy week. Come give me a non love hug, but ask first because if you don't ask I won't let you do it. Got to remind you of the power of the penis. And besides you told me I am the boss and that your body is mine so there.
Got a terrible hankering for some Cinnabon, wish they delivered but I am not going out for one. Going to hit the treadmill for a bit and then come back, maybe watch a movie or something. And I am going to write.
Stories have to be written and told. Haven't decided what i feel like writing about yet, your welcome to shout out an idea or two, just use the right name. ;)O
This is my declaration of non love for you. Yep, a double dose of non love coming right at you.
Come closer and I'll say it to your face, pull your hair, grab your hips and walk away. Nothing like a mixed message to make you a bit crazy.
I have been out stirring up trouble for no good reason, hell I stopped writing this post for a moment so that I could go reply to someone. Some people haven't any idea who they are dealing with. Cue evil laughter.
It is fun when you don't take it seriously.
What a crazy week. Come give me a non love hug, but ask first because if you don't ask I won't let you do it. Got to remind you of the power of the penis. And besides you told me I am the boss and that your body is mine so there.
Got a terrible hankering for some Cinnabon, wish they delivered but I am not going out for one. Going to hit the treadmill for a bit and then come back, maybe watch a movie or something. And I am going to write.
Stories have to be written and told. Haven't decided what i feel like writing about yet, your welcome to shout out an idea or two, just use the right name. ;)O
Juneleh oh Juneleh
Here We AreSomeone once asked us to share a little bit more about ourselves. This just might be the place to do it.
We are secret soulmates and have been for years now. Right or wrong, it's what we are. There is no denying it.
I wonder how many others are in our situation.
Read something about soul mates and twin flames, it was kind of interesting. If you are truly interested you can do some research on it yourself, but what I will share is this.
It talked about twin flames as having a connection that let them feel/sense each other and it talked about how they could sense the other thinking about them.
"Remember, when you think of me, I am thinking about you."
That resonated with me because I believe it happened and that it still happens. You can call it what you want. You can scoff and come up with names if it makes you feel good, doesn't matter to me because I know what I sense.
But I don't think you will. I don't believe you'll make fun of it, you may not admit it but I think you feel it too. You spend too much time reading what I write.
Anyhoo, I am not going to belabor that. I know what I know.
I am working as a writer. I have a salary. It is what I worked for and I made it happen. Took a long time but it happened and the funny thing to me is that the time spent blogging and on social media paid off in such a big way.
Been a very long week, mostly good stuff but a few odds and ends going on that make it more challenging. But I will power through it because that is what I do.
Don't know how I got into watching Nashville, but I did. It stuck with me, reminds me of things.
You are probably cooking dinner now or helping the girls with homework. I just did some of that from long distance. Drinking a cup of coffee now and then off to work out.
I may fuck with you a little bit here and there, but that is my job. You need a prick sometimes. Actually you need more than that, but I am feeling too sweet to tell you in grand detail.
Try not to smile too broadly friend, but even at 45 you are still sexy. You aren't too old for that word yet. Give it another six months. ;)
Damn, ten years, what happened to the young people we used to be. ;)
Ok woman, I am going to run. But sooner or later you will be talking to me because you want to and not for any other reason.
Signing off, big scary man. Rolling my eyes at the last three, as if I am so scary.
Dear Former YLC
Dear Former YLC,
This weather is freaking wacky. You still need a hug and a spanking. Got to go on a journey, see you around.
This weather is freaking wacky. You still need a hug and a spanking. Got to go on a journey, see you around.
Another Memory
Don't know what made me think of it, but I just was thinking about you looked like on your knees, with your mouth wrapped around me and my hands wrapped in your hair.
I probably shouldn't admit this, but it made me smile.
You vixen, you. You were so damn sexy.
Hah, am I aggravating you now.
I probably shouldn't admit this, but it made me smile.
You vixen, you. You were so damn sexy.
Hah, am I aggravating you now.
Dear Friend
I promise there won't be any mention or hint of sex in this note at least not as it relates to you and I. Damn, I just blew that for you. Yeah, I know I mentioned sex and used the word "blew" which guarantees you will think about it in regards to you and I.
Well you can read it twice and try to decide if I would turn you down if you offered or if I would take you up on it, you little baboon, er minx, you.
Been writing like a fiend and damn, I can spin one hell of a yarn when I want to.
Would it be considered sexual harassment if I said I wanted to spank you because you are a bad girl. Would it make a difference if I said I was irritated with you or is it all one and the same.
Hell woman, you are crazy so who knows what you would say but that is not your fault, it comes with a lack of penis. Of course the power of the penis rules the world and I am still in charge, even if you haven't figured it out yet.
Apologize and you might learn a thing or two.
Now read this twice and try to figure out what is serious and what isn't. And don't forget to over analyze every little thing I have said or done including the stuff I am not even aware of.
And when you are through rolling your eyes admit that you miss me because I know you do. No one spends that much time paying attention to another person when they don't.
Still going to have to ask me before I let you
Well you can read it twice and try to decide if I would turn you down if you offered or if I would take you up on it, you little baboon, er minx, you.
Been writing like a fiend and damn, I can spin one hell of a yarn when I want to.
Would it be considered sexual harassment if I said I wanted to spank you because you are a bad girl. Would it make a difference if I said I was irritated with you or is it all one and the same.
Hell woman, you are crazy so who knows what you would say but that is not your fault, it comes with a lack of penis. Of course the power of the penis rules the world and I am still in charge, even if you haven't figured it out yet.
Apologize and you might learn a thing or two.
Now read this twice and try to figure out what is serious and what isn't. And don't forget to over analyze every little thing I have said or done including the stuff I am not even aware of.
And when you are through rolling your eyes admit that you miss me because I know you do. No one spends that much time paying attention to another person when they don't.
Still going to have to ask me before I let you
All The Old Familiar Places
Kind of funny to me to think about how many times I have driven by, stopped and or passed through wine country.
It is not a regular thing for me, something that has happened a handful of times. Usually a visit to the East side or time at the airport.
Grabbed a couple of slices of pizza at the double joint and or picked up necessities at the place with the big red circle.
Some years ago I remember wondering when those places I had heard about would transform into places that were familiar and not just names.
Now they have.
Last night I stopped to pick up some treats for the flick and wondered where you used to park the van.
It is not a regular thing for me, something that has happened a handful of times. Usually a visit to the East side or time at the airport.
Grabbed a couple of slices of pizza at the double joint and or picked up necessities at the place with the big red circle.
Some years ago I remember wondering when those places I had heard about would transform into places that were familiar and not just names.
Now they have.
Last night I stopped to pick up some treats for the flick and wondered where you used to park the van.
Off For Adventure
Off for a 100 mile (roundtrip) or so adventure. Put a few hours in on the East side and then head back to grab dinner and maybe a movie.
