Odds and Ends

It is almost midnight and I am listening to whatever comes through on the shuffle. The Dixie Chicks are singing Not Ready to Make Nice and part of it really resonates with me:

"I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying"

I paid my price and I will keep paying for no other reason than I can't go back. I made the choices I made and for better or for worse I ended up in this place.

It is not necessarily a bad spot. Fact is that it looks like I am about to make a really big change and do something with my life that I never could have imagined, but am excited about it.
But I won't lie and say that I am not nervous because I am. But you know that I have always said that sometimes you take the big risk for the big reward and this is big. This will change my life but I can't say to what extent.

Can't say because it is too early and too hard to predict. But baby, one day I want to tell you about this because you have been a part of it in so many ways. You have seen and know so much.

Getting on a plane in a few days so that I can go to a meeting. Chomping at the bit because so much is riding on this, but I am confident. I feel good. I know this stuff. I know what I am talking about and I have a vision of what I want to see.

My gut is singing this song that is so sweet but at the same time I have such an ache. Had me pounding on the wall the other day, but dammit I came out the other side because that is what I do.  And in a short time I hope to say that is what I have done.

Baby, if you could see me now. A little bit older, a little bit more weathered and hopefully wiser. Got to run now because I have more prep work to do and I need to get to bed before 4 am.

MLBF and I don't care whether you admit it or not you think about it.