Dear June,
It is the end of the second week of July and I had expected to have some answers by now but they haven't come.
It is a mixed bag this waiting thing. I am much better at it than I want to be, but that is just because I have lots of practice. Makes me a bit crazy sometimes not knowing what is going to happen and where I am going. Kind of funny to say that because I am pretty good at living on the razor's edge, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't wear me out sometimes.
Been very focused on trying to make these changes I have mentioned here because I can't stand the idea of not really living. Hate the thought of just passing the days so I am fixing that.
Interesting to me to try and figure out where this all started and when. Wanted to talk to you about it. Wanted to ask you when you first noticed things weren't what you wanted. Was it just sex that brought us together. Was it just a crazy need to pound and be pounded or was there something more.
Was thinking about how there was never a time where I remember thinking I would want to hurry up and get it over with when we were together. I think that is significant. I think it is significant because we liked each other.
It wasn't just love nor lust. They played a role. I knew that I could whatever I wanted with you because you loved me and were willing to give yourself to me. Knew that I could let you do the same. Thought a lot about what it means to call someone the love of your life and whether that changes.
Got a few ideas, but I'll save them for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment