Curious Girl

Hello Curious Girl,

Walked 3 miles yesterday in 98 degree weather and wondered why I wore jeans. Actually I know exactly why I wore them, had a function I attended that was for work and networking purposes.

I feel it a little bit today, but not too bad. If I go through with doing one of the Tough Mudder races I'll need to be able to do much better than that.

Too bad you aren't around to rub my back, you'd like that and I might too. Hell, we both would and you know it. Someone named June doesn't know what the hell to do about me. Wants to make a list of reasons why this makes no sense, the old queen of low expectations hasn't left.

Yet, here you are reading my words and wondering what the hell it is all about. Well, I am still walking through hell covered in gasoline but I see daylight and I have for a long while. Just takes a bit of time to get things situated, but I ALWAYS do.

It has been one hell of a long road but I think ultimately I will be better for it as will whomever gets to share it with me. Doesn't mean there aren't hard moments or times that I haven't wanted to tear my hair out, cuz there are.

Every  time I see pictures or video I cringe. Silly ego doesn't like what it sees, but I am not a kid anymore so this is how it goes. Still, I don't have to go quietly into the twilight. That burning anger in the belly won't let that happen. You get to see the softer side of me and always have. You get to see the weak parts, but almost no one knows about that.

Can't say whether that is good or bad but one of the guys told me that I am as tough as they come. Made me smirk a bit. It is probably true. I don't say that to feed my ego, I just accept it because it helps sometimes when things are hard.

And when that doesn't work, well I write and do push ups.

A thousand  years ago in the days in which you loved me without question I told you that same thing and now, well I am saying it again for no other reason than I can.

Wait until you see me and find out all the other  things I can do to make you smile and feel good.

Ok woman, got to run cuz I have a life that I am living without you. Sorry, I know that sounds snarky, but I still irked with you. You may mean more to me than you know, but it doesn't mean that I won't yell at you occasionally.

Besides, you'll come back here again regardless whether you understand it or not. Same as I do. We have a connection that hasn't been broken and a need to keep it going. This won't change that.

We haven't worked out all of the kinks and even though you have created space it hasn't fixed everything. We may not be who we were but we haven't decided what we may be in the future so here we are in limbo.

Funny thing, this place in limbo. Speaking of limbo it should be fun to see how flexible you are. Ok June, I really am running. Don't care if you say it, but I know that you still love me. Might not feel like you are in love, but I am cool with that.

Time will tell. But I wouldn't be surprised if you said those three words to me again and did so before you realized you were going to. You miss me.

-Johnny

Hee hee, stop trying to figure out why I didn't say whether I love you or not. Gotcha air sucker. ;) Read that twice, didn't you.