Changes and Stuff

Dear Juneleh,

The dance continues, assuming that was you visiting here recently. It is always possible it was an uninvited person who found this place in ways that make me curious.

Sometimes that has irritated me and you know I don't forget that kind of shit. But the funny thing is I still find it exceptionally difficult to stay angry with you and that is noteworthy 'cuz anger is easy for me.

People who have crossed certain lines rarely get to come back, let alone forgiven.

It might sound ridiculous to you, but I figure if I can't just stay angry with you that means I ought to pay attention to who you are to me.

Since you are still hanging around it seems like you might agree.

People do change but sometimes the fundamental roots remain and that is what strikes me about you and I. I think the root is there.

I think the fire still burns.

I think you could end up in my arms and feel like no time has passed.

I still know your mind and body. I still know how to make your body tingle like no one else can. I don't care what anyone says, I have made love to you as often or more than any other.

We may not be kids any more. We may not be a lot of things, but some things I am certain of.

I am willing to bet that you feel the same emptiness I feel when we don't connect at all. The occasional touches online take a bit of the edge off but they aren't the same.

My best guess is that is part of why you haven't spent time alone with me. Not because you worry about whether I'll try to get you in bed but that you will let me.

I think you miss having me as your best friend. I know I miss you.

One of the things I like best about us is knowing that we are both strong enough to keep walking and that things could go like this forever.

Doesn't mean that I want it to be like that because I think we are smart and capable but even though I know things I don't know all of the future.

And I know I won't always admit certain things like right now I burn and I ache.

That is why anger is so damn useful. If I go looking for it I can push the burning and ache aside and pretend it never existed.

Fate is a fickle fuck and I'd fight it and a million others to get to that other side.

Got to run and get back to reality now and see where this road leads cuz life is nothing like I expected it to be.

Some of that is good and some of it is less good.

Love burns baby and sometimes love stinks.

But regardless of whether you tell me to walk away and go fuck myself, to come closer or anything else, know that you have been exceptionally important to another.