Junebug,
In addition to going to Scandinavia I want to add a train trip or two. I think that could be all sorts of fun. What do you think?
Visibility
Bleah
I am officially stuck somewhere between hell and somewhere else. This mostly sucks. Very frustrated and very impatient.
Sometimes being the one left behind who gets to live in their own house is worth so very much.
Sometimes being the one left behind who gets to live in their own house is worth so very much.
It Will Happen Again
Thinking about a first kiss that never ended and a last kiss that foretold a future of many more...
Hang In
Hang in a bit longer and you'll get a better update than this one. Got an avalanche of things rolling down at me and having a bit of trouble adjusting, but I will and I will make time to give you the kind of note you expect here.
Might even do it tonight, but got to run hit a few other things first--still early.
Might even do it tonight, but got to run hit a few other things first--still early.
Read Them Again
“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
June,
I am wired now for a million reasons most of which have everything to do with leaving you. Don't have time to write you the kind of letter I want but enough time to share those quotes because they resonate with me and sound like they describe us.
Change is all around us. Change brought us together, pulled us apart and brought us back together.
We can decide what we want to do now. We can look at this as summer love or more realistically something far deeper. So remember we love each other and when we hold hands we always find our way.
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
June,
I am wired now for a million reasons most of which have everything to do with leaving you. Don't have time to write you the kind of letter I want but enough time to share those quotes because they resonate with me and sound like they describe us.
Change is all around us. Change brought us together, pulled us apart and brought us back together.
We can decide what we want to do now. We can look at this as summer love or more realistically something far deeper. So remember we love each other and when we hold hands we always find our way.
Stuff
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.”
― Bob Marley
“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
"After all this time?"
"Always," said Snape.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.”
― Bob Marley
“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
"After all this time?"
"Always," said Snape.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Break Time
Hi Junebug,
That headline means I am taking a break from work, not from you. So my Queen of low expectations I am serious when I say we can do this. We just need to be patient and remember how much we overcame to get to this place.
I have noticed that we argue less when we spend more time together. I don't think we really fight as much as we mask our irritation with not being together the way we want to be. I am doing my best to just break this up into pieces and work through each as needed.
Don't believe that your sex drive is really gone, that is an excuse on your part. Do think that you are tired, cranky and overwhelmed with stuff and that makes it harder to let that come out, especially when you can't see me the way you want to.
When things are hard and I feel distant remember that I am not really. We have already proven that we think about each other even when we aren't talking. Already proven that in person we are as good together as any couple. Already proven that if we hold onto each other we can get through the challenges.
So remember when you are thinking of me, I am thinking of you.
MLBF
That headline means I am taking a break from work, not from you. So my Queen of low expectations I am serious when I say we can do this. We just need to be patient and remember how much we overcame to get to this place.
I have noticed that we argue less when we spend more time together. I don't think we really fight as much as we mask our irritation with not being together the way we want to be. I am doing my best to just break this up into pieces and work through each as needed.
Don't believe that your sex drive is really gone, that is an excuse on your part. Do think that you are tired, cranky and overwhelmed with stuff and that makes it harder to let that come out, especially when you can't see me the way you want to.
When things are hard and I feel distant remember that I am not really. We have already proven that we think about each other even when we aren't talking. Already proven that in person we are as good together as any couple. Already proven that if we hold onto each other we can get through the challenges.
So remember when you are thinking of me, I am thinking of you.
MLBF
What Can Be
Dear June,
I wish you were here now because it is one of those moments I wish we were holding hands, listening to music and looking out a rain stained window.
The music above moves me, the first part which is called The Breaking of The Fellowship always gets me. I prefer Enya singing May It Be over the Celtic women but that is ok. My head is all over the place now and I am not really sure what to write or what to say.
That is because it has all been said before.
Been trying to find a particular scene from the Last Of The Mohicans but I haven't come across it yet. So I started searching for something else.
Maybe this is the clip to use, or maybe it is something else. Don't know, just know I am still writing and this is just one of the posts you'll see, lots more to come.
All this time is nothing more than just part of a transition.
Tick Tock
Dear June,
Time feels sort of like a giant accordion to me. One moment it feels stretched out and the next it is as if it is being pushed together in a giant rush. It is hard, irritating, frustrating and painful-- but here we are. I want to have more than just words to show and share.
I want to be able to write something down and say you can count the days and know that this is exactly when we will see each other again but I don't have that now. What I do have is a lump in my throat and an ache in my stomach.
The upside is that you don't get those feelings, don't have anything close to them unless what you have had is very good. Very good is something we do have and it stands alongside the memories and proof that magic happens. Sometimes the universe conspires to make things happen and I see plenty of evidence in our favor.
I am dreading the drive because it is like a long extended goodbye and I don't like those. I can't just jump on a plane and immediately start working on the future. I will sit in the car for hours and will have nothing but time to think and though I am comfortable with myself and silence I am not looking forward to it.
The stuff I have to do now has to happen and I can't do anything without attending to it so in one respect it feels like I am going to work on stuff that is paralyzing but it is hard.
Still everything has a price attached to it and I am willing to pay for us, so this is just part of it. Have faith in us and all that we have accomplished. You know I love you.
Time feels sort of like a giant accordion to me. One moment it feels stretched out and the next it is as if it is being pushed together in a giant rush. It is hard, irritating, frustrating and painful-- but here we are. I want to have more than just words to show and share.
I want to be able to write something down and say you can count the days and know that this is exactly when we will see each other again but I don't have that now. What I do have is a lump in my throat and an ache in my stomach.
The upside is that you don't get those feelings, don't have anything close to them unless what you have had is very good. Very good is something we do have and it stands alongside the memories and proof that magic happens. Sometimes the universe conspires to make things happen and I see plenty of evidence in our favor.
I am dreading the drive because it is like a long extended goodbye and I don't like those. I can't just jump on a plane and immediately start working on the future. I will sit in the car for hours and will have nothing but time to think and though I am comfortable with myself and silence I am not looking forward to it.
The stuff I have to do now has to happen and I can't do anything without attending to it so in one respect it feels like I am going to work on stuff that is paralyzing but it is hard.
Still everything has a price attached to it and I am willing to pay for us, so this is just part of it. Have faith in us and all that we have accomplished. You know I love you.
Rope The Moon
“In one of those stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be
laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you
look at the sky at night. And when your sorrow is comforted (time
soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You
will always be my friend…I shall not leave you.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Dear Juneleh,
Had such a good time with you the other day and it reminds me about how I don't think we fight as much as it might feel. Do we argue and bicker?
Yeah, we do but I really believe that is temporary and tied into the frustration we feel when we aren't together. It doesn't mean it is always like that or always be like that. We just need to focus on the good points and remember who we really are for each other.
Just listened to Changes In Latitude by Jimmy Buffett and The One By Elton John and couldn't help but smile, your face comes to mind.
And dear one I do know what you need. That is not me being snarky or trying to suggest some sort of sex act because in this moment I am sincere and serious. You need to feel loved, secure, supported and confident that you are valued, validated and not the only one you can trust to take care of things.
I can't take care of all those items right now and I won't tell you that I can one day because you want more specifics. So let's say that for now I can give you arms to lie back in, a shoulder to rest your head on and someone to listen to your concerns.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Dear Juneleh,
Had such a good time with you the other day and it reminds me about how I don't think we fight as much as it might feel. Do we argue and bicker?
Yeah, we do but I really believe that is temporary and tied into the frustration we feel when we aren't together. It doesn't mean it is always like that or always be like that. We just need to focus on the good points and remember who we really are for each other.
Just listened to Changes In Latitude by Jimmy Buffett and The One By Elton John and couldn't help but smile, your face comes to mind.
And dear one I do know what you need. That is not me being snarky or trying to suggest some sort of sex act because in this moment I am sincere and serious. You need to feel loved, secure, supported and confident that you are valued, validated and not the only one you can trust to take care of things.
I can't take care of all those items right now and I won't tell you that I can one day because you want more specifics. So let's say that for now I can give you arms to lie back in, a shoulder to rest your head on and someone to listen to your concerns.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Crazy Days
Bob Seger is singing We've Got Tonight and my heart is in my throat. Sometimes the pain feels so very intense that I wonder what the fuck I am doing. Wonder if I am the world's biggest idiot and I stare off into space trying to make sense of it all.
But when I take a deep breath and think through it all I know that right now I haven't any good choices and that sooner or later I have to deal with some things so I am trying to go do that so that I can heal the parts and pieces of me that are broken.
I guess part of what makes me crazy is that leaving is going to break others and part of me is worried that time and distance will make it harder for you to hold on and remember all that we are. Part of me worries you'll shut down but then there is this this other part that has complete faith and points out how much we overcame to get to this place.
It is not ridiculous to think about or consider because it just makes sense to go with it. It just makes sense to look at the last year or so and think about how much had to happen to get us to this place. It didn't happen in just one place or with one person, it happened in multiples and if that is the case there is no reason not to believe this is just one piece of a big puzzle and that if we hold onto each other we can figure it out.
The hard part is that we get a bit crazy without each other and that time in person always smooths the edges. But when you know what you want and who you want it with you figure out how to make it happen and you learn how to float during the time apart so that when you reconnect you laugh because it feels like that time apart never happened.
But when I take a deep breath and think through it all I know that right now I haven't any good choices and that sooner or later I have to deal with some things so I am trying to go do that so that I can heal the parts and pieces of me that are broken.
I guess part of what makes me crazy is that leaving is going to break others and part of me is worried that time and distance will make it harder for you to hold on and remember all that we are. Part of me worries you'll shut down but then there is this this other part that has complete faith and points out how much we overcame to get to this place.
It is not ridiculous to think about or consider because it just makes sense to go with it. It just makes sense to look at the last year or so and think about how much had to happen to get us to this place. It didn't happen in just one place or with one person, it happened in multiples and if that is the case there is no reason not to believe this is just one piece of a big puzzle and that if we hold onto each other we can figure it out.
The hard part is that we get a bit crazy without each other and that time in person always smooths the edges. But when you know what you want and who you want it with you figure out how to make it happen and you learn how to float during the time apart so that when you reconnect you laugh because it feels like that time apart never happened.
