Destiny Comes Calling

 Dear June,

Call me crazy if you wish, but just hours before Yom Kippur begins I think we are on our way to taking another swing at bat to see what is really here between us.

Can I really say destiny comes calling?

Not sure that I can but then again, how can I not. We never imagined we would ever find each other and when we did had no idea that things would go as they did and have.

And here we are, positioned to take another look.

We're the same people in some ways and yet different in many others. Kind of exciting, kind of scary, but mostly exciting.

Don't Know When You'll Read This

 Dear June,

Don't know when you will read this but that new profile picture of you is hot. It is one of my favorites.

That is all.

Read my posts woman, you know all the places to go. :)

For Those About To Rock

 Dear Juneleh,

Updating this for the third time or so I think since you last read anything. I have intentionally given you space because I don't want you to feel any sort of pressure from me though I am not sure that is possible.

Given all that you have heard and read during the last 20 years or so I think you're probably certain I am interested in taking your body and making it sing again.

Why wouldn't I be.

Why wouldn't you be too.

Honest answer is I think you probably are but are mostly likely preoccupied with other things and there is nothing wrong with that given all that is going on. I would be surprised to hear otherwise.

Would love to know more and to offer more support but I am not certain you want that from me right now. 

I figure you will reach out when you are ready. Given time of year I suppose I ought to make the offer to take you out for your birthday.

If we talk behind the scenes I'll certainly offer there as well.

Anyway, in the interim whatever that means I am thinking about you and obviously want the best for you so I hope things are going your way. I rather expect they are given what I know about you.

So much more to talk about and catch up on...hopefully soon.

Crazy Making

Dear Juneleh,

Obviously haven't updated this since March for a bunch of reasons that I may share one day but not now. I am still waiting for more details on the bombshell you dropped on me.

So very curious and so many questions. Haven't decided how open or forward to be even though my gut tells me I can do so.

If I am right it doesn't matter and if I am wrong, it doesn't matter.

All I'll say now is I swear I feel that telephone line buzzing and it has me thinking...

Still My Girl...Maybe

It is a funny headline to write given current levels of communication, 'Still My Girl Maybe.'

Given your silence and lack of action the more likely and obvious would be 'Johnny Is Delusional' but I never operate solely off of the obvious with us. There are too many reasons and too much history for me to go solely on that.

Can't help how I feel or that I get this sense that you would be devastated if I dropped dead. That is not me being dramatic or trying to get you to react, it is a comment. If we were face-to-face I'd say it matter of fact.

To be clear, I have no reason or expectation to believe that I will so I am not trying to twist your arm with please sleep with me again because I am going to die tomorrow. If it happened it would be a bigger surprise to me than anyone else.

Not the part about you sleeping with me, that is not impossible or improbable. I know you have thought about it more than once. 

Life is pretty damn complicated sometimes and there is no simple explanation or reason for why some things happen or don't. They just are or they aren't. I suspect Covid has had a pretty big impact on some of the opportunities that may or may not have existed.

Tell me June, did you like kissing me as much as I liked kissing you. Do you not feel like that thing we had isn't totally gone and that it is more dormant than anything else. It is easier to let it be like that than to let the fire burn because then we just ache.

I could be wrong about it all. You might not have one whit of interest in me anymore. You might think the years have been unkind and that I am not interesting any more or any number of things, totally possible.

Sometimes I have wondered if that was the case but I tend not to worry or wonder much because we were never about looks. The chemistry was so much deeper and substantive, thank you Neville. ;)

Anyhoo, these are just the words of some guy who would spend time with you and walk in our world. Still no expectations but an interest and hope in exploring a few things.

Three Fingers

Dear Juneleh,

Doing the usual dance where I see you have read something here so I come back and write something new just in case you show up again. Haven't a real agenda so I might write about I fit three fingers in you or say you are going to take me in your mouth again.

Not as romantic as many things I could write but since you are silent about my words I have nothing but my gut feeling to use to decide if you find it stimulating, offensive or otherwise.

Sometimes it irks me and I think about fucking your mouth but I don't think that would really bother you. Hell, I don't think there is anything I can do to you sexually that will irk you. You like being dominated by me.

That is because you trust me and know I won't ever intentionally hurt you. Doesn't mean you don't sometimes irritate me but hell maybe I irritate you too.

Bottom line is still the same for me. That crazy connection is there and I want to know more. I want to explore it and figure out what the fuck it means. Got no guilt about it because some things just are and that is you and I.

I still think you believe it and that you want it but fuck if I know if you'll truly submit. My best guess is you will and that isn't based upon anything rational. Hell, I still don't know if you are really waiting for me to play hero and come sweep you off of your feet.

I am too fucking honest with you as it is. You know much and I know whatever I gather based upon this crazy ESP we share or maybe it is the crazy in me.

Maybe I am crazy or maybe it is something else. I'll figure it out, one way or the other. This side or the next.

Got to live and love hard or so the poets say.

No Good Reason

Dear June,

Got no good reason to write this. No good reason to share more intimate thoughts and ideas here because you read them all and say nothing. You don't say yes, you don't say no and you don't say maybe.

Don't know if it is because you have no interest, no attraction,  no desire or no clue what to do or how to do it. Got a bunch of ideas and if I go solely on what appears to be most obvious the lack of response means you don't want anything to do with it.

You're in your cave living your life and I am just a memory.

But because I am stupid, dumb, tenacious and prone to going on off of my gut I think it is more of an uncertainty about what to do. I think you want to be with me. I think you want to be manhandled by me. I think you want to get lost and lose yourself in me and our world.

And I think it scares the fuck out of you. 

I also think that you might have some sort of idea/plan that you haven't shared with me because you are waiting for certain life events to take place and pass.

But hell, I could be wrong about all of it, part of it or none of it. Fuck if I know for certain anymore.

I know I want to spend time with you and live in our world. I know I want to see as adults what that looks and feels like. And yeah, I understand it is complicated and has some difficulties. I don't want anyone to get hurt.

But I don't want to ignore the voice in my head either that has this idea that it might be a crazy idea but it is not based upon crazy.

Love doesn't just die without reason. It might fade, change or turn into warm embers but it doesn't just die without reason. We have decades together apart which doesn't translate into decades of learning we dislike each other or have no friendship.

Best friends don't just lose that. They have to actively work to kill it.

I can't say we act like best friends or that we act like lovers. I can't say we act like best friends who want to be lovers.

I can only say I see the potential because we have been there before. I think if we were alone it would be easy for you to do anything and everything. About the only thing I haven't done with you is get you pregnant and we were about ready to do that.

So maybe this means everything and maybe it means nothing to you. Maybe I can't reach you anymore and it doesn't matter whether it is because you have no interest or refuse to let me in.

But maybe I can. And maybe your heart feels mine and maybe you dream at night about possibility. Maybe you get butterflies in your stomach or things get tingly down below.

Maybe describes many things and I can do a lot with maybe if I believe it makes sense even if it is not based upon rational thought and logic.

But time is limited and we never know what can happen to with or to whom.

Got no idea if you'll read this because you know I know you were here last night or if you'll disappear.

I am just a boy asking a girl to let me hold her and kiss her while we give each other what no one else has.

And if that is all it is, a question with no answer, well I guess that is an answer to.

Life is a hell of a ride and I learned long ago that my thoughts, ideas and plans don't always work as I expect. Sometimes they fall apart and sometimes they come together in unexpected ways that were better.

I just take it as it comes as best I can and do my damndest to sail around the rocks and through the storms. Got the scars and the experiences that prove I am pretty good at it too.

Maybe we'll share more stories and experiences in person. One never knows.

Sunday Night Musing Part 69

 Dear Sweet Girl,

I don't think you have read the post before this and hell I am not sure if you are going to read this one any time soon.

But I am writing it anyway.

I hurt myself and I am not sure how. Got something weird going on with a leg and it is irritating. Not painful enough to stop me from exercising or doing what I want to do but noticeable. Can't decide if I am supposed to do nothing and see if it heals or fight through it.

Could do the usual stuff and talk about kissing you or the the different ways I want to use your body as my play toy but I'll save it for now.

I miss talking with you, really talking. Miss being close. Have said it before, am saying it again.

Think it is time to sit down in person. There is something there. Need to explore it a bit.

When things are hard who do we go looking for.

Sunday Night Musing

Dear Lady Juneleh,

Well sweet girl you read one post here and I can't say if that is because it was late, I bored you or if 53 other things happened.

But here I am writing you again to ask how long you are going to make me wait before I get to kiss you again. How long before I get to take you and we get to roam through our kingdom.

You can tell me all you want about complications and challenges and I'll agree but fuck woman, we're not stupid people. This isn't impossible and yeah I understand some would claim there is moral ambiguity but fuck them.

Life is short and your silver carousel only spins in circles so many times and if you are going to let it take you up and down you might as well let me do the pumping.

I know you are thinking about it, maybe not every day and maybe you do your best to put those thoughts away but they creep back up. Wrap your hand around me and maybe you can see if you can make rise up too. ;)

Give me your hand and let's see if a boy and a girl can walk through their own private woods. I hear you about life feeling like a chore, let me help it feel less so

I can be sweet, or I can wrap both of my hands in your hair and remind you what it feels like to be a woman and to be alive in a way that no one else can.

Really.

Saturday Night

Dear June,

Hadn't heard from you all day and figured I would probably check in with you tonight and then boom, you wrote me.

Been thinking about you on and off as I am won't to do. When you told me about the current situation I understood your fear and concern, made perfect sense.

If I told you that when you said it could kill you my initial thought was you won't die because we are destined to sleep together again you might yell at me and say it is a selfish thought. You might call it ridiculous and or stupid or maybe not.

Your health is of paramount importance and of course I don't want anything to happen to you. In this place I always tell you what I think so I figured I'd mention both.

Hell, sometimes when I watch you on TV or wherever I picture you with your lips wrapped around me. It is just me, who I am. 

What drives it all is the deep connection. Hell if I know exactly how it all plays out. I still think we are going to have time together to be intimate. Who knows how that all plays out. I don't worry about it. I figure this is/was all improbable and yet here we are.

You do know that part of why I want that physical component is because when we have let go we have had that really deep, intimate trust. Why wouldn't I want to tear down that wall and go there again. We only get so many opportunities in life.

Not everyone gets to experience what we have. 

So do I want you on your back, from behind and on your knees, why I suppose I do.

Do your best to not buy trouble before it happens. It is hard to do it, but I have lived through some truly hellish and horrible times and can speak from experience.

If the bad shit comes it will get there and you'll have your fill or suris and if it doesn't, well you won't have lost as much sleep.

Easier said than done, but worth the effort.

I'll hold your hand and help Lady Juneleh.

Tearing Down The Wall

My Dear Juneleh,

You won't be surprised to hear me say I am trying to tear down the whatever remnants of the wall that remain. You know damn well I like your legs and your lips and that I sent you the picture of that dress because you would look damn sexy in it.

You know I remember so many of our conversations and all the things they covered. I can tell you about the times you told me you wanted me to take you, to use my knee to force your legs apart. Or the times you said I could have your whole body.

If we were alone I would kiss you and hold you. I would tell you I need a hug in the worst way and I can't tell you if I would ask for a blow job or simply grab hold of your head knowing you know to do.

My heart is pounding a bit cuz I feel the lighting in the air and sense the storm but not the kind of hurricane that destroys us. We're in the fucking eye of it and I think you know it too.

Baby, I need to kiss you...I just do.

I need to have you again, swear I can barely think. Might have blue balls and you haven't done anything physically here. How crazy is that.

Dancing in the fire, riding the storm, who knows where it goes...just have to walk through the door and find out.

Here is another 500 words or whatever it is that is about and for you. Might update this again today, won't be surprised if I do.