White Noise

Dear June,

Late afternoon here and  I am simmering. Too much nonsense going on and it makes me frustrated. Even life is moving in the right direction and I can see many good things coming it makes me crazy to have to deal with some of this stuff.

It is just unnecessary and I am not interested in listening to people tell me that I am selfish, mean or anything else.

All or some of them might be true now but I don't have the energy to figure it out. Mostly because I feel like I am so close to turning the corner and potentially getting to glide downhill for a little while.

That is what I want to focus on. I want to keep my eye on all of the good stuff but I keep getting sucked into these other ticky tack things and it is hard not to really unload.

Sometimes people think I go from zero to sixty in a heartbeat but that is not really true. I am operating at about 58 so hitting 60 isn't much of an effort. I wish it was.

Gardener is outside my window so I turned on some white noise to try to block out the sound of the mower.

Did I ever tell you about the Color Wisdom cards? Don't remember how I stumbled onto them but those goofy things told me to keep chasing you.

I am sorry you got upset earlier but I am not kidding or spinning when I said I wasn't trying to bait you. I am much more direct about that.

Really don't enjoy fighting with you either but I will say that fighting is one of those things that always reminds me how strong we are.

We fight hard and then just get beyond it. That is not something I really have much experience with. I don't let anyone besides you talk to me the way you do. If it happens I just cut them out, not interested.

But you have my heart and unless my gut tells me otherwise I see no reason to let go. Mainly because I believe these silly fights are a product of current circumstances and not something that is a part of us.

Besides they are not particularly frequent and I expect that within a short time some of the BS that has me wired will pass and I will be happy-go-lucky again or close to it.

Just switched to Simply Rain, think I like it better. It is pretty relaxing.

Hell, just sat for a moment with my eyes closed and I feel better already.

January will come and some of the bigger things that are going on will pass and I'll be able to adjust my focus. I am looking forward to that and trying hard not to get caught up in the stuff that is happening now.

Not always easy for me to do, but this is life.

And as always I like to remind you that I am not just in love with you, but fucking in love with you. It is deep, it is mature and it is awesome to have.