A Calm Life

Dear June,

When you mention you want a calm life I smiled because that is what I want too. I understand what you are saying and the funny thing is when I picture a calm life I always think of life with you. You may think I am nuts or in denial about everything but I feel like I have a very good understanding of it.

I recognize given everything that is going on now our time feels a bit like an illusion. There is the calm of being together and then that feeling that comes after. I get the struggle and the pain of deception and I hate the idea that I have ever added to that.

You know that I love you. Not going to lie or try to hide that. Nor will I say anything other than I am confident you feel the same way about me. Things were too real and we know each other too well not to know this.

Here is what I want you to know. I could have made it back already but I haven't because I didn't want to add to that stress. If I am required to go for other reasons than I obviously will and I'll worry about that if it happens.

My immediate goal is to solidify my professional life. I have no greater stress than that. It takes tremendous effort not to think about it daily which annoys me to no end because I am very good about not stressing out about most things.

A bit farther down the road I have to make new living arrangements. I am finally sold on the idea of living somewhere that is more affordable and that is where my interest lies. Recent experiences have given me more familiarity with some areas than others.

I don't know what the future holds for much of anything but I do know I need to focus on building for retirement and that is where the majority of my focus is. My life will be calmer when I feel more secure about that.