Instinct or Intuition

So sweet Juneleh, here we are living our cyberlife together and yet apart.

I am doing what I always do, going off of what my gut says to do, operating off of instinct and intuition. It is a mix of confidence and uncertainty. It is not always easy but there are things that are so much harder. Most of the time that works for me because it is honest, real and true.

Doesn't mean there aren't times when I think about how life is so very unfair but those moments never last because they never take me anywhere that I can use. I never get anything out of feeling sorry other than just anger and what is the upside to that.

The hardest part about this moment in time isn't that I don't have you as a full partner because I won't lean on you that way, not now.

It is this crazy feeling that comes and goes where I worry about what is going to happen next. It is this fear that somehow I will drop all of the balls I am juggling and that my world will explode again. When it comes I try invite it in, bring it up close where I can trap it in a bear hug and crush it.

Or sometimes I say "thank you, you can go now" and then I focus on something else. It sounds goofy but it works.

And like I said I have a long list of accomplishments that I can look at. Many, many good things and the confidence that much more is going to come.

Anyway, you may get another story to read soon or you might not. Depends on what my schedule looks like and if I feel like sharing it with you. I am 100% certain about the connection and that there are moments where I know damn well what you are thinking or feeling, sometimes that makes me want to write more and sometimes it just doesn't.

You have my heart and I haven't any problem saying that because it doesn't change a thing. One day you'll say I have yours and one day you won't. The joy of being a woman, logical, rational and decisive. But I love you for all of you and I am walking the damn road without much worry about what it means for you and I because that is the one area I have the most confidence in.

It will or it won't. If nothing else it provides so much fodder inside my head for stories. I like that. Stay tuned and you'll see or hear a few.

Got stuff to do, try not to smile too big reading this and just submit. You don't have to tell me you love me for me to know that and you can say it without worrying that the world will explode. It won't, not yet. Got a few million years to go, madam scientist.

MLBF crazy girl. ;)