I know what you need but I am not going to tell you what it is or how to get it. Nor will I answer questions about it.
Can't wait to get beyond the next couple of weeks, what a clusterfuck. Got a spa at the new place that I can't wait to soak in. I want to just collapse for a while.
Or get on a train and just go somewhere.
Visibility
One Year Later
One year later and nothing has changed but yet everything has. One year later and I have answered some of the biggest questions I lived with and yet there are still some that remain.
I suppose that in time I'll get those answers too, so very strange.
Sometimes I think about it all and wonder about choices but most of the time I just go and do my thing because I can't do anything about what has happened, can only move ahead.
I remember being a kid and thinking I couldn't wait to be an adult. I never expected it to be like this.
I suppose that in time I'll get those answers too, so very strange.
Sometimes I think about it all and wonder about choices but most of the time I just go and do my thing because I can't do anything about what has happened, can only move ahead.
I remember being a kid and thinking I couldn't wait to be an adult. I never expected it to be like this.
The No Romance Zone
"I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And when we're together, my past seems worth it. Because if I had done one thing differently, I might have never met you."
Don't know who said that but it doesn't matter because in the no romance zone there is no romance.
Not any sex either so don't come here looking at me with lust in your eyes or you will find that parts in your nether regions will be clogged and your doctor will suggest various forms of treatment that you don't find attractive.
And don't ask about love because that is not here either. All we have down here is like, sometimes a severe case of it. ;)
Don't ask about the secret either, because I know things and I would hate to be asked to tell you what I know.
Beautiful Girl
Hey there beautiful girl,
Been a short while since we last spoke, don't know if you have been in hell or what. I hate the distance and I hate not talking. Bothers me to feel such a hole when you are not around because you are a part of me and have been forever.
Thought about sending you a nasty note because you pissed me off but I didn't. Didn't do it because I am sure that you created this space because you felt like you needed it and I didn't want to upset you because you are my heart.
And because I believe that we are going to end up together. As crazy as it may seem and sound I expect it to happen so we will have our time and I want you to feel free to take care of whatever it is that is going on now.
Besides you know that you can reach out to me and I'll be there. And even though you know this I want to tell you again that I think you are beautiful and sexy.
I love you baby.
P.S. One day soon we'll see each other and I'll have a big hug, big kiss and about 17 gallons for you. ;)
MLBF
So many Quotes To Share
“The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are
connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a
thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each
other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same
reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten
thousand years and a prelude to what will come.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“Math is like water. It has a lot of difficult theories, of course, but its basic logic is very simple. Just as water flows from high to low over the shortest possible distance, figures can only flow in one direction. You just have to keep your eye on them for the route to reveal itself. That’s all it takes. You don’t have to do a thing. Just concentrate your attention and keep your eyes open, and the figures make everything clear to you. In this whole, wide world, the only thing that treats me so kindly is math.”
― Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
“Math is like water. It has a lot of difficult theories, of course, but its basic logic is very simple. Just as water flows from high to low over the shortest possible distance, figures can only flow in one direction. You just have to keep your eye on them for the route to reveal itself. That’s all it takes. You don’t have to do a thing. Just concentrate your attention and keep your eyes open, and the figures make everything clear to you. In this whole, wide world, the only thing that treats me so kindly is math.”
― Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
“It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
― Eleanor Roosevelt
“When I am with you, we stay up all night.
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for those two insomnias!
And the difference between them.”
― Rumi
“Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it was like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if oyu planned on fallin gin love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
Should I Be Irritated With You
Dear Juneleh,
Did I mention that I don't like when old men try to use my name for you. Bleah to that.
Should I be irritated that you haven't written me or should I just let things be. So far I have just stood here waiting to see what you would do, curious to see if you would let things go.
Sundays will always be ours and I will always think about us. Today I am thinking about how natural it is to spend time with you and how it is never work and I am confident it never will be.
Going with my gut and know that we'll get a chance to see each other soon but wishing it was today. Thinking about which of our favorite places we would eat at and smiling because one day we'll get more time to have more experiences and maybe we'll find new favorite places.
You are my favorite PITA. ;)
Did I mention that I don't like when old men try to use my name for you. Bleah to that.
Should I be irritated that you haven't written me or should I just let things be. So far I have just stood here waiting to see what you would do, curious to see if you would let things go.
Sundays will always be ours and I will always think about us. Today I am thinking about how natural it is to spend time with you and how it is never work and I am confident it never will be.
Going with my gut and know that we'll get a chance to see each other soon but wishing it was today. Thinking about which of our favorite places we would eat at and smiling because one day we'll get more time to have more experiences and maybe we'll find new favorite places.
You are my favorite PITA. ;)
Rainy Days and Blue Skies
Hi baby,
Must be close to 90 outside and there is nothing but blue skies above. Been out doing my thing, looking for new living arrangements but always thinking about them being temporary.
Looked at our picture, thought about all the time we had and all the time we don't right now. Felt a little sad and then got that funny feeling and saw a parade of images in my head. I was in the car driving back and thinking about how it felt like going home.
Not unusual for me because every time I get to see you it feels like home. So I am listening now to rainy mood and thinking about how the impossible turned onto the improbable and how it is all going to happen again.
There is a very bright future ahead, I just know it.
P.S. You kissed me and said I love you first.
P.P.S. You need a hug and a kiss from me and a whole lot more.
P.P.P.S. Play your cards right and you'll get it. ;)
I love you, even when you are being a pain for no reason besides because I do.
Must be close to 90 outside and there is nothing but blue skies above. Been out doing my thing, looking for new living arrangements but always thinking about them being temporary.
Looked at our picture, thought about all the time we had and all the time we don't right now. Felt a little sad and then got that funny feeling and saw a parade of images in my head. I was in the car driving back and thinking about how it felt like going home.
Not unusual for me because every time I get to see you it feels like home. So I am listening now to rainy mood and thinking about how the impossible turned onto the improbable and how it is all going to happen again.
There is a very bright future ahead, I just know it.
P.S. You kissed me and said I love you first.
P.P.S. You need a hug and a kiss from me and a whole lot more.
P.P.P.S. Play your cards right and you'll get it. ;)
I love you, even when you are being a pain for no reason besides because I do.
Something Steamy
Almost wrote you something very steamy, but didn't think you
wanted it so I didn't. Shy girl. I could bring this girl back.
Hell, I think she has been around a few times in the not so distant past.
Smart Decisions
Dear June,
Just got back home and decided to write you another note. Feeling crazed because I don't have the kind of space or time I want and need. Feeling crazed because part of me wonders if recent experiences did something to me and made me need more or if it is just part of the process.
Feels like every time I go do things someone is following me or around and it makes me extra crazy because I swear they were nowhere near where I went off to.
It is like they waited for me to move and then decided to go with me and I want to scream. Made mention of this and was told I am being ridiculous but I know what I feel and this old age thing has an impact. So I am constantly on edge and feeling like I am waiting for something to happen.
That is just crazy making and I am doing my best not to let it hamper my efforts to make the changes that have to be made now but....
And then I sit here trying to figure out how to make smart decisions, how to make good decisions that will not put me in jeopardy later. Except there is no way to do these things without engaging some sort of risk and this is why I am bald.
I hate this feeling, but I am doing the best I can to just roll with things and to see what happens. Bleah.
Just got back home and decided to write you another note. Feeling crazed because I don't have the kind of space or time I want and need. Feeling crazed because part of me wonders if recent experiences did something to me and made me need more or if it is just part of the process.
Feels like every time I go do things someone is following me or around and it makes me extra crazy because I swear they were nowhere near where I went off to.
It is like they waited for me to move and then decided to go with me and I want to scream. Made mention of this and was told I am being ridiculous but I know what I feel and this old age thing has an impact. So I am constantly on edge and feeling like I am waiting for something to happen.
That is just crazy making and I am doing my best not to let it hamper my efforts to make the changes that have to be made now but....
And then I sit here trying to figure out how to make smart decisions, how to make good decisions that will not put me in jeopardy later. Except there is no way to do these things without engaging some sort of risk and this is why I am bald.
I hate this feeling, but I am doing the best I can to just roll with things and to see what happens. Bleah.
