Dear June,
If you were here I do believe I would suggest you help me break in the bed. It would be my pleasure to give you the kind of ride that leads to a great nap.
Visibility
Another Dream
Twice in a week or at least twice that I remember. Well Juneleh, this is distracting to say the least but it is a fun distraction, certainly better than focusing on the other stuff.
Won't share much in the way of details but you are more flexible than you give yourself credit for, but then again I do know something about that. ;)
Anyway, I'll keep the rest to myself for now, wouldn't want to bore you. Been all sorts of crazy here.
Won't share much in the way of details but you are more flexible than you give yourself credit for, but then again I do know something about that. ;)
Anyway, I'll keep the rest to myself for now, wouldn't want to bore you. Been all sorts of crazy here.
Dream Walking
Some woman showed up in my dreams last night. Ok, it wasn't some woman, it was you.
Yeah you, the chick who told me I could never wear you out. I didn't respond, just said I was going to wear you.
And that is all I am going to share of that.
Yeah you, the chick who told me I could never wear you out. I didn't respond, just said I was going to wear you.
And that is all I am going to share of that.
Hit and Run
Got five minutes before I need to run so this is short. What a crazy week. Got rejected, interviewed, rejected, interviewed and more of the same. Next week is already starting to look nuts and not just because I am leaving town.
Superstitious me is almost afraid to say more than that so I'll just say let's see what happens and hope that what I want comes through cuz the cupboard is running on empty.
But I can say without question I have worked really hard to make something good come through so I can rest easily knowing I have done my best, at least that is the theory. Got a bunch of other theories and ideas I'd rather be testing, but so it goes.
And that is the word for the moment. Good times. Bleah with a crazy smile.
Superstitious me is almost afraid to say more than that so I'll just say let's see what happens and hope that what I want comes through cuz the cupboard is running on empty.
But I can say without question I have worked really hard to make something good come through so I can rest easily knowing I have done my best, at least that is the theory. Got a bunch of other theories and ideas I'd rather be testing, but so it goes.
And that is the word for the moment. Good times. Bleah with a crazy smile.
Crazy Times
I am almost afraid to mention that I am supposed to have three different conversations about things I might do for other people. Ya know, the stuff that helps generate the income to keep food on the table and a roof over my head.
Afraid to mention it because it feels a lot like holding water in my hand and part of me is afraid speaking of it will be like squeezing my hand and watching the water run between my fingers, Been longer and harder to get to this point than I thought but maybe this is where it changes again.
Next week I'll wave when I am over your neck of the woods. You won't be able to see me unless you have x-ray vision but maybe you'll feel me passing by. Initially I had though I might have a short layover and then I'd be close enough to think about places I have driven by, lived in and visited.
Not that it would matter because 40 minutes isn't enough time to go anywhere or do anything. In fact it would probably aggravate me because I couldn't stop to grab some pizza or a sandwich at some places I came to enjoy.
Anyway it ended up not mattering because the flight is direct and so I'll just wave. Might even smile, but I won't promise. And not that it matters but when I talk about pizza I am thinking about a couple of places, rumor has it the joint I used to hit on the way home from the airport doubled itself out of existence.
Pretty sad, not really interested in the Target stuff or the buffet across the street. Oh well, there are bigger and more important things to focus on and that is what I do. I focus on the big and important things.
What a guy.
Three conversations and of course I am waiting to hear back on a few other things. One of these days I might have to build my own deal for real so that I can control more of my destiny. I control much of it, but not as much as I want.
Remember when you think of me, I just might be thinking of you. Or I could be sleeping, I don't do enough of that during the night but I am good at doing it during the day. Does anyone pay people to be a professional napper? I could do that. I would really excel.
Afraid to mention it because it feels a lot like holding water in my hand and part of me is afraid speaking of it will be like squeezing my hand and watching the water run between my fingers, Been longer and harder to get to this point than I thought but maybe this is where it changes again.
Next week I'll wave when I am over your neck of the woods. You won't be able to see me unless you have x-ray vision but maybe you'll feel me passing by. Initially I had though I might have a short layover and then I'd be close enough to think about places I have driven by, lived in and visited.
Not that it would matter because 40 minutes isn't enough time to go anywhere or do anything. In fact it would probably aggravate me because I couldn't stop to grab some pizza or a sandwich at some places I came to enjoy.
Anyway it ended up not mattering because the flight is direct and so I'll just wave. Might even smile, but I won't promise. And not that it matters but when I talk about pizza I am thinking about a couple of places, rumor has it the joint I used to hit on the way home from the airport doubled itself out of existence.
Pretty sad, not really interested in the Target stuff or the buffet across the street. Oh well, there are bigger and more important things to focus on and that is what I do. I focus on the big and important things.
What a guy.
Three conversations and of course I am waiting to hear back on a few other things. One of these days I might have to build my own deal for real so that I can control more of my destiny. I control much of it, but not as much as I want.
Remember when you think of me, I just might be thinking of you. Or I could be sleeping, I don't do enough of that during the night but I am good at doing it during the day. Does anyone pay people to be a professional napper? I could do that. I would really excel.
A New Year
Dear June,
Well baby another year has come and gone and I am back at the computer...again.
Got one hour left on the first day of this new year and I feel...funny. Not sure exactly how to describe that but I suppose if I was willing to try to tell anyone you would be the person I would bare my soul to.
It is not because one day I am going to find your legs wrapped around me and our eyes locked upon each other either because I can always feel you wrapped around me. You know my sex drive and I know if I told you there wasn't any sex wrapped up in that you'd call me on it so I''ll say of course there is.
Sex has always been a part of us but I see the root of that elsewhere. It is that spot that lies behind our eyes and our willingness to invite each other in there. I have told you a million times before that it is more than just sex to me, always had been and I am sure it always will be.
When you gave me the link to the pictures I looked at you and felt that old familiar urge down below and smiled. You just do it for me.
Anyway, I am sitting here by myself thinking about all that led to this point, not just the more than a decade now but the entire life I have known and how very different it is in so many ways. Today I am not focused upon how I am not the man I expected to be or how surprising so many things are to me because I have done that enough to know what I'll find when I go there.
Doesn't mean I won't do it again because the root of some of my writing is tied up in my ability to go back and look through the closets, ashes and dark corners but for now I don't feel any reason to do it.
Maybe it is because I have accepted that I stepped off of the cliff long ago and I have been doing my best to find my wings on the way down. Sometimes I think the reason I have been through so many storms is because I spent too much time fighting who I was supposed to be and not enough on who I want to be.
Doesn't really matter how or why I came to this place where I am now because I am here and now I am just trying to figure out what the next steps should be. Got a pretty good idea and am working on making those things come together.
That Skylar Grey song is one I have listened to a million times but I always think of it as being emblematic of me having heard this call inside my head in which I leave my old life behind and work towards moving towards the new one. "I am coming home" is how I think of it, it is where I am supposed to be.
There is a certain amount of fear in it because of all the career crap I have been through. A certain amount of my wondering what my role has been in how some of these things have gone down. Hard not to not wonder if it is has been dumb luck and bad timing that has shafted me at these companies. Hard not to wonder if maybe I could have taken a different path and had less of a roller coaster.
But it doesn't serve me at all to beat myself up about most, if not all of it. I didn't like 2014 much. It started out poorly and got worse but I got through it and now it is gone. I am busting my ass and doing all I can do to make 2015 better.
Tired of the anchors that keep dragging me down, doing my best to shake those suckers loose.
And there you have it, a longer post.
Well baby another year has come and gone and I am back at the computer...again.
Got one hour left on the first day of this new year and I feel...funny. Not sure exactly how to describe that but I suppose if I was willing to try to tell anyone you would be the person I would bare my soul to.
It is not because one day I am going to find your legs wrapped around me and our eyes locked upon each other either because I can always feel you wrapped around me. You know my sex drive and I know if I told you there wasn't any sex wrapped up in that you'd call me on it so I''ll say of course there is.
Sex has always been a part of us but I see the root of that elsewhere. It is that spot that lies behind our eyes and our willingness to invite each other in there. I have told you a million times before that it is more than just sex to me, always had been and I am sure it always will be.
When you gave me the link to the pictures I looked at you and felt that old familiar urge down below and smiled. You just do it for me.
Anyway, I am sitting here by myself thinking about all that led to this point, not just the more than a decade now but the entire life I have known and how very different it is in so many ways. Today I am not focused upon how I am not the man I expected to be or how surprising so many things are to me because I have done that enough to know what I'll find when I go there.
Doesn't mean I won't do it again because the root of some of my writing is tied up in my ability to go back and look through the closets, ashes and dark corners but for now I don't feel any reason to do it.
Maybe it is because I have accepted that I stepped off of the cliff long ago and I have been doing my best to find my wings on the way down. Sometimes I think the reason I have been through so many storms is because I spent too much time fighting who I was supposed to be and not enough on who I want to be.
Doesn't really matter how or why I came to this place where I am now because I am here and now I am just trying to figure out what the next steps should be. Got a pretty good idea and am working on making those things come together.
That Skylar Grey song is one I have listened to a million times but I always think of it as being emblematic of me having heard this call inside my head in which I leave my old life behind and work towards moving towards the new one. "I am coming home" is how I think of it, it is where I am supposed to be.
There is a certain amount of fear in it because of all the career crap I have been through. A certain amount of my wondering what my role has been in how some of these things have gone down. Hard not to not wonder if it is has been dumb luck and bad timing that has shafted me at these companies. Hard not to wonder if maybe I could have taken a different path and had less of a roller coaster.
But it doesn't serve me at all to beat myself up about most, if not all of it. I didn't like 2014 much. It started out poorly and got worse but I got through it and now it is gone. I am busting my ass and doing all I can do to make 2015 better.
Tired of the anchors that keep dragging me down, doing my best to shake those suckers loose.
And there you have it, a longer post.
Second Placeholder
Thought I would have time to write but things have been far too hectic. Dealing with too many crazy people. But hope that will pass.
Sorry for your loss. Life is nuts sometimes, one hell of a ride. Did I mention sometimes I want to slam the computer against the wall.
You keep beating me in the damn game. I am having a browser issue that is jacking things up so I can't respond as quickly as I try. I suspect you might still beat me on some of these songs anyway, but it is closer than it looks.
I suppose if that is the worse that happens life is pretty freaking easy. Unfortunately it is not the worst, but it is top of mind so...
Think I met my quota for salad, could go for Mama's and a beer.
Sorry for your loss. Life is nuts sometimes, one hell of a ride. Did I mention sometimes I want to slam the computer against the wall.
You keep beating me in the damn game. I am having a browser issue that is jacking things up so I can't respond as quickly as I try. I suspect you might still beat me on some of these songs anyway, but it is closer than it looks.
I suppose if that is the worse that happens life is pretty freaking easy. Unfortunately it is not the worst, but it is top of mind so...
Think I met my quota for salad, could go for Mama's and a beer.
Placeholder
I am starving and need to go make lunch so I don't have time to write. Of course if I wasn't playing name that tune with you I could make time to write but it really wouldn't be enough time to write anything of substance.
I mean I could tell you I love you or that I want to make love to you. I could tell you that I am ready to strangle some of the idiots I am dealing with here but you know these things so it would just be repetition.
So consider this a placeholder in case I don't get back here later and a reminder that I need to take you for sushi. I have some places in mind, probably best I don't frequent any of them today because I would eat all they had and more.
Did I mention I am hungry. I am so hungry now I'd give up sex for food. Must go now, need to eat, Hungry man is getting angry from lack of food in belly.
I mean I could tell you I love you or that I want to make love to you. I could tell you that I am ready to strangle some of the idiots I am dealing with here but you know these things so it would just be repetition.
So consider this a placeholder in case I don't get back here later and a reminder that I need to take you for sushi. I have some places in mind, probably best I don't frequent any of them today because I would eat all they had and more.
Did I mention I am hungry. I am so hungry now I'd give up sex for food. Must go now, need to eat, Hungry man is getting angry from lack of food in belly.
Trains and Doctors
My Dear Sweet June,
Many years ago I wrote about how jarring the loss of your presence in my life was and talked about how I wondered if one day we would be the couple that made our grandchildren squirm because we were more affectionate than they thought grandparents should be.
And I talked about how sometimes I wondered if things would go a different direction and one day we'd tell a grandchild about that boy/girl that turned our lives upside down and how it never happened but could have.
I remember being so damn heartbroken and the ache that came with it and then wondering what it meant when the ache didn't feel as painful. Had I gotten over you or just gotten used to the pain? I wasn't sure but I decided not to focus on it because I couldn't see how it would help.
Time passed, things happened and I figured out I had every reason to be heartbroken and every reason to be sad because I had confirmed what my heart knew to be true. That I had found my best friend and that life with her could be different because she gave me things no one else did and I believe I did the same for her.
But it is clear to me now I wouldn't have seen things the same way had I not experienced those things. I guess that leads me to trains and doctors.
I suppose you could say the train part ties into two different things:
1) It would be cool to travel by train with you. To go places, see and experience things we haven't and do it together.
2) The freight train part of my personality. I have spent most of my life letting the train push me into, over and through obstacles. It has often served me well, but I don't think it has been all that helpful recently so I have tried to do things differently. Too soon to say if it has been successful or not.
As for doctors, well I believe that line of astrology we stumbled over so many years ago. You know the one about how we can heal each other. I am confident that if we got the chance to really do it all we'd do that for each other.
The depth of trust and love that exists between us what makes me certain. Can't say what the future will hold but I am certain I will love you until I die and probably beyond. Don't argue with me about whether something comes after or not, it doesn't really matter because we are doing whatever we choose to do based upon what is happening while we are alive.
Really woman, I tell you I love you and will forever and you start in on whether you think I understand science. Geez, we'll just have to settle it in the bedroom. ;)
Or maybe not. I might say no. It is good for you to hear no from me 'cuz you think I am incapable of saying it. I am very shy and proper. :)
Many years ago I wrote about how jarring the loss of your presence in my life was and talked about how I wondered if one day we would be the couple that made our grandchildren squirm because we were more affectionate than they thought grandparents should be.
And I talked about how sometimes I wondered if things would go a different direction and one day we'd tell a grandchild about that boy/girl that turned our lives upside down and how it never happened but could have.
I remember being so damn heartbroken and the ache that came with it and then wondering what it meant when the ache didn't feel as painful. Had I gotten over you or just gotten used to the pain? I wasn't sure but I decided not to focus on it because I couldn't see how it would help.
Time passed, things happened and I figured out I had every reason to be heartbroken and every reason to be sad because I had confirmed what my heart knew to be true. That I had found my best friend and that life with her could be different because she gave me things no one else did and I believe I did the same for her.
But it is clear to me now I wouldn't have seen things the same way had I not experienced those things. I guess that leads me to trains and doctors.
I suppose you could say the train part ties into two different things:
1) It would be cool to travel by train with you. To go places, see and experience things we haven't and do it together.
2) The freight train part of my personality. I have spent most of my life letting the train push me into, over and through obstacles. It has often served me well, but I don't think it has been all that helpful recently so I have tried to do things differently. Too soon to say if it has been successful or not.
As for doctors, well I believe that line of astrology we stumbled over so many years ago. You know the one about how we can heal each other. I am confident that if we got the chance to really do it all we'd do that for each other.
The depth of trust and love that exists between us what makes me certain. Can't say what the future will hold but I am certain I will love you until I die and probably beyond. Don't argue with me about whether something comes after or not, it doesn't really matter because we are doing whatever we choose to do based upon what is happening while we are alive.
Really woman, I tell you I love you and will forever and you start in on whether you think I understand science. Geez, we'll just have to settle it in the bedroom. ;)
Or maybe not. I might say no. It is good for you to hear no from me 'cuz you think I am incapable of saying it. I am very shy and proper. :)
Legs and Lips
Thinking about someone who has long legs and soft lips and the stories I want to tell her.
