Trains and Doctors

My Dear Sweet June,

Many years ago I wrote about how jarring the loss of your presence in my life was and talked about how I wondered if one day we would be the couple that made our grandchildren squirm because we were more affectionate than they thought grandparents should be.

And I talked about how sometimes I wondered if things would go a different direction and one day we'd tell a grandchild about that boy/girl that turned our lives upside down and how it never happened but could have.

I remember being so damn heartbroken and the ache that came with it and then wondering what it meant when the ache didn't feel as painful. Had I gotten over you or just gotten used to the pain? I wasn't sure but I decided not to focus on it because I couldn't see how it would help.

Time passed, things happened and I figured out I had every reason to be heartbroken and every reason to be sad because I had confirmed what my heart knew to be true. That I had found my best friend and that life with her could be different because she gave me things no one else did and I believe I did the same for her.

But it is clear to me now I wouldn't have seen things the same way had I not experienced those things. I guess that leads me to trains and doctors.

I suppose you could say the train part ties into two different things:

1) It would be cool to travel by train with you. To go places, see and experience things we haven't and do it together.

2) The freight train part of my personality. I have spent most of my life letting the train push me into, over and through obstacles. It has often served me well, but I don't think it has been all that helpful recently so I have tried to do things differently. Too soon to say if it has been successful or not.

As for doctors, well I believe that line of astrology we stumbled over so many years ago. You know the one about how we can heal each other. I am confident that if we got the chance to really do it all we'd do that for each other.

The depth of trust and love that exists between us what makes me certain. Can't say what the future will hold but I am certain I will love you until I die and probably beyond. Don't argue with me about whether something comes after or not, it doesn't really matter because we are doing whatever we choose to do based upon what is happening while we are alive.

Really woman, I tell you I love you and will forever and you start in on whether you think I understand science. Geez, we'll just have to settle it in the bedroom. ;)

Or maybe not. I might say no. It is good for you to hear no from me 'cuz you think I am incapable of saying it. I am very shy and proper. :)