Visibility
The Best Day Of The Week
There was a time when Sundays were the best day of the week, my clear favorite.
Long Time No Update
Haven't updated here for a long time for a variety of reasons none of which need to be spelled out in great detail. Sometimes less is more.
What I will say is sometimes parenting is exceptionally challenging and difficult. Sometimes it feels like you are on point and know precisely what you are doing and sometimes...no.
Been going through an extended moment of WTF in which I feel like I have been trying to tread water after my feet were chained and my hands were cuffed. And because that is just not enough of a challenge someone keeps trying to physically force my head underwater.
While I know that in the long run this is a blip on a long line of life experiences it is hard to use that as anything other than a sad platitude. The kind of thing people say when they have nothing else they can add.
So it is one day at a time knowing some will be hard, some will be easy and some will be a mixture of both. But I keep smiling because I haven't failed a major test yet and this won't be where it starts. Just got to vent occasionally and keep going because that is how you find yourself on the other side of bumps in the road.
What I will say is sometimes parenting is exceptionally challenging and difficult. Sometimes it feels like you are on point and know precisely what you are doing and sometimes...no.
Been going through an extended moment of WTF in which I feel like I have been trying to tread water after my feet were chained and my hands were cuffed. And because that is just not enough of a challenge someone keeps trying to physically force my head underwater.
While I know that in the long run this is a blip on a long line of life experiences it is hard to use that as anything other than a sad platitude. The kind of thing people say when they have nothing else they can add.
So it is one day at a time knowing some will be hard, some will be easy and some will be a mixture of both. But I keep smiling because I haven't failed a major test yet and this won't be where it starts. Just got to vent occasionally and keep going because that is how you find yourself on the other side of bumps in the road.
Been A While
Been a while since I updated here, long enough I forgot about the post below.
Got way too much going on that is kid related. Way too much that has me straddling the line between concerned and worried. It is probably ok, probably fine, probably just stuff they go through. That is what I tell myself, but sometimes I wonder.
Sometimes I wonder if there is something worse going on. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to feel like I had real support and wasn't doing it alone. Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things, but I do what I have to do because it is who I am.
And I promise myself that change is coming and one day it won't be like this.
Got way too much going on that is kid related. Way too much that has me straddling the line between concerned and worried. It is probably ok, probably fine, probably just stuff they go through. That is what I tell myself, but sometimes I wonder.
Sometimes I wonder if there is something worse going on. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to feel like I had real support and wasn't doing it alone. Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things, but I do what I have to do because it is who I am.
And I promise myself that change is coming and one day it won't be like this.
Some Fantasies Remain...Just That
Dear June,
I suppose it wouldn't matter or make sense to ask you to fly out immediately to help me fulfill an old fantasy.
For more than a decade there have been moments where I pondered the kind of fun we could have in my old bedroom. But given that in a day it will no longer be accessible I suppose that it shall have to stay in the land of fantasy and nothing more.
I am going to miss that place would have been nice to show it to you. Definitely not your style, but if you wanted to know more about the places and things that helped make me who I am, that would provide some insight.
Maybe not as much as it could if the walls could talk, but some.
Change is the one constant in life, is it not.
You'll Never Guess What I Am Thinking
Well you might, but if you can't see me I doubt it and even then, you might not. Depends I suppose on how well you really know me.
Read that twice and wonder if there are any hidden messages or codes contained within. :)
Read that twice and wonder if there are any hidden messages or codes contained within. :)
A Holiday Ride
It Doesn't Really Matter
It doesn't really matter, but one day I think you might deign to admit you said "I love you first."
It would make for a good t-shirt. Woman, if you could see inside my head now, well...
But I am not going to share that with you right now, no way, not now. You could beg and I wouldn't give in. :)
You could offer to...and I still wouldn't give in.
Why?
Why not?
If women don't need logic or reason why should I.
Serious post coming..one day.
More Moments
Every now and then there are moments that remind me of people, places or things. Don't always know why or what prompts them, just that it happens. I don't think there is anything different or unusual about it.
Although sometimes I do wonder if my imagination is more vivid or graphic than others.
Had a great steak that made me think of your birthday dinner, so maybe that is what led down this particular pathway. Made me think of a moment with you where your legs were wrapped around me and I felt like I could feel every part of you.
I remember kissing your mouth and wondering if time had stopped because for just a second it had. I expect that is one of those memories that will last a lifetime. Funny how life experiences affect our perception of things and how they impact our choices.
I suppose too part of why that moment stuck with me because there is this look you get in your eyes and a smile that comes with it. I know you are curious what I am referring to, but I don't think I am going to try to describe it here. Not sure if I could, don't worry though, it is a good look.
Maybe if you ever get lucky again you'll get a picture of it. Maybe not. None can say. Hard to believe another year has almost come and gone. Time for me to get back to work, got some deadlines to attend to.
Although sometimes I do wonder if my imagination is more vivid or graphic than others.
Had a great steak that made me think of your birthday dinner, so maybe that is what led down this particular pathway. Made me think of a moment with you where your legs were wrapped around me and I felt like I could feel every part of you.
I remember kissing your mouth and wondering if time had stopped because for just a second it had. I expect that is one of those memories that will last a lifetime. Funny how life experiences affect our perception of things and how they impact our choices.
I suppose too part of why that moment stuck with me because there is this look you get in your eyes and a smile that comes with it. I know you are curious what I am referring to, but I don't think I am going to try to describe it here. Not sure if I could, don't worry though, it is a good look.
Maybe if you ever get lucky again you'll get a picture of it. Maybe not. None can say. Hard to believe another year has almost come and gone. Time for me to get back to work, got some deadlines to attend to.
Another Saturday Night
It is another Saturday night. Cooked dinner, have to light candles in a bit. Got some Scotch waiting for me and a book. Might even do some more writing. Not a bad way to spend an evening, could enhance it in a few ways, especially if I knew was on vacation.
But vacation isn't happening for a bit so we just make do.
But vacation isn't happening for a bit so we just make do.
Passionate, Feisty & Opinionated
You still are, as you were when I wrote those words here long ago. Some days it feels like yesterday and some days it feels like forever ago.
I don't spend time thinking about how or why it does, I just know it the same way I know lots of other things. Doesn't mean I couldn't pick it apart so that I could understand it better but it doesn't require that because we just aren't logical.
We are as arbitrary about things as anyone else on the planet but I do wonder if being more cerebral causes more issues or helps eliminate them. Maybe it is both. Felt like going after a couple of numbskulls in a way people haven't seen in a while. Tearing them apart would have been easy and mildly fun, but ultimately not very satisfying.
Kind of like using a hairbrush for purposes other than it is primary. It may get the job done, but there is a world of difference between getting it done and using the right tool. There is a certain pleasure that comes from that, using the right tool, in the right way and place that you just can't get any other way.
Course sometimes scratching that itch leads to some interesting moments where you discover that the end result is...interesting.
A long time ago I played around with using numbers like this 60^34071 to send messages but it seemed silly and not as cool as using real math to do that, something that required solving an equation or two.
Obviously haven't done it the way I am talking about, but maybe one day, maybe not. The beauty of life is as much as we think we know what will happen we really don't. You just never know what direction the world will turn.
So we roll with it and see where it goes, how it feels and how it happens.
I don't spend time thinking about how or why it does, I just know it the same way I know lots of other things. Doesn't mean I couldn't pick it apart so that I could understand it better but it doesn't require that because we just aren't logical.
We are as arbitrary about things as anyone else on the planet but I do wonder if being more cerebral causes more issues or helps eliminate them. Maybe it is both. Felt like going after a couple of numbskulls in a way people haven't seen in a while. Tearing them apart would have been easy and mildly fun, but ultimately not very satisfying.
Kind of like using a hairbrush for purposes other than it is primary. It may get the job done, but there is a world of difference between getting it done and using the right tool. There is a certain pleasure that comes from that, using the right tool, in the right way and place that you just can't get any other way.
Course sometimes scratching that itch leads to some interesting moments where you discover that the end result is...interesting.
A long time ago I played around with using numbers like this 60^34071 to send messages but it seemed silly and not as cool as using real math to do that, something that required solving an equation or two.
Obviously haven't done it the way I am talking about, but maybe one day, maybe not. The beauty of life is as much as we think we know what will happen we really don't. You just never know what direction the world will turn.
So we roll with it and see where it goes, how it feels and how it happens.
Out Among The People
I want to be able to write like this.
How about that mutton head, guess he finally saw who was right in front of him. Congrats.
