Dear Juneleh,
How is my birthday girl doing? If you asked me if I had plans for how to celebrate I would say yes. If you asked me if I had more than one set I would say yes again. If you asked me to tell you about them I might say maybe.
That is because I plan on celebrating with you again one day and I don't want to wreck all of the surprises. Got to keep a few for days to come. For now know that I am thinking about you and hope your day is awesome.
Visibility
Always liked These
"Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.
And we will sit upon rocks,
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.
And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant poises,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;"
And a thousand fragrant poises,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;"
The Passionate Shepherd To His Love- Christopher Marlowe
Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,
Letters I've written, never meaning to send.
Beauty I've always missed, with these eyes before.
Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.
Nights In White Satin- The Moody Blues
Letters I've written, never meaning to send.
Beauty I've always missed, with these eyes before.
Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.
Nights In White Satin- The Moody Blues
There are other verses deserving of time but I haven't any to give to them now. Still I abide one moment longer to share a long and linger longer for desire leads me hither. Head gives in to heart and hope springs eternal.
One hand, one breath, one moment.
Together.
Come Sit With Me
Dear June,
I have been thinking about your birthday and figure I ought to just show up and take you out. Haven't decided if it will be IHOP, sushi or the so so Chinese buffet, but I'll make up my mind before I get you.
I am guessing part of you thinks I am just playing but there is a piece that wonders if I am that crazy and the answer is I really am. Been wanting to come back since I left so I figure why not now.
Don't freak out, because even thought it is not outside of the realm of reality it is not how I want to do things. I don't know what plans you have made but my best guess is you have something and fitting me in isn't easily done.
And my sweet love you know that for something like this I want more than a few minutes with you. I am not referring to what I may or may not want to do either because I like having time to just hang out and be with you.
I think one of my very favorite things is about spending time with you is that we don't hit that "I am sick of them" moment. It is special and rare.
Anyway I am busting my ass making things happen here. Don't have any specific details to share yet so it is sort of silly to make it sound like so much is going on but if force of will has anything to do with anything there will be.
Try not to think about me so much, makes me all sweaty when you do that, such an intense gaze and I am so old.
Ok, not so old, compared to some people. ;)
Got to do my usual exit, call me Houdini. You are still my biggest and sweetest PITA.
I have been thinking about your birthday and figure I ought to just show up and take you out. Haven't decided if it will be IHOP, sushi or the so so Chinese buffet, but I'll make up my mind before I get you.
I am guessing part of you thinks I am just playing but there is a piece that wonders if I am that crazy and the answer is I really am. Been wanting to come back since I left so I figure why not now.
Don't freak out, because even thought it is not outside of the realm of reality it is not how I want to do things. I don't know what plans you have made but my best guess is you have something and fitting me in isn't easily done.
And my sweet love you know that for something like this I want more than a few minutes with you. I am not referring to what I may or may not want to do either because I like having time to just hang out and be with you.
I think one of my very favorite things is about spending time with you is that we don't hit that "I am sick of them" moment. It is special and rare.
Anyway I am busting my ass making things happen here. Don't have any specific details to share yet so it is sort of silly to make it sound like so much is going on but if force of will has anything to do with anything there will be.
Try not to think about me so much, makes me all sweaty when you do that, such an intense gaze and I am so old.
Ok, not so old, compared to some people. ;)
Got to do my usual exit, call me Houdini. You are still my biggest and sweetest PITA.
A Few Words
Hi baby,
Another day, another dance with you doing your steps out of sight and me doing the same, except it doesn't feel like you are that far away.Maybe it is because I have been around and seen enough to know what your life looks like. Or maybe it is because I don't have to see you to feel you because I just do.
Don't know how or why it works but I know it does. Don't have to close my eyes to see your smile or to feel your touch. I just know what it is like the same way I know what it would be like to live with you full time.
You fill the empty gaps and always have, a missing puzzle piece. Every time you come into my arms I think about how it feels like this is how it has always been and is always meant to be.
Things are moving here, can't give you too many details other than I feel them moving. I am placing my trust in all that I have done and worked to do. Putting faith that push leads to shove and I will end up where I am supposed to be.
Not easy to do. Not easy to let go. Not easy but necessary.
And if all I have seen proves to be true, well the day will come.
You may wonder if it is all sex with me. You may ask why I long for your legs and lips and I'll tell you to close your eyes and tell me who you see looking back at you. I'll ask you if there is anything I can't do with you, I'll ask who you trust most and I'll see you looking back at me because it is just how it is.
And then I'll repeat your words from the past and say no one is better at taking care of us than you and I.
I love you because I just do. It is what I feel and it feels right.
Another day, another dance with you doing your steps out of sight and me doing the same, except it doesn't feel like you are that far away.Maybe it is because I have been around and seen enough to know what your life looks like. Or maybe it is because I don't have to see you to feel you because I just do.
Don't know how or why it works but I know it does. Don't have to close my eyes to see your smile or to feel your touch. I just know what it is like the same way I know what it would be like to live with you full time.
You fill the empty gaps and always have, a missing puzzle piece. Every time you come into my arms I think about how it feels like this is how it has always been and is always meant to be.
Things are moving here, can't give you too many details other than I feel them moving. I am placing my trust in all that I have done and worked to do. Putting faith that push leads to shove and I will end up where I am supposed to be.
Not easy to do. Not easy to let go. Not easy but necessary.
And if all I have seen proves to be true, well the day will come.
You may wonder if it is all sex with me. You may ask why I long for your legs and lips and I'll tell you to close your eyes and tell me who you see looking back at you. I'll ask you if there is anything I can't do with you, I'll ask who you trust most and I'll see you looking back at me because it is just how it is.
And then I'll repeat your words from the past and say no one is better at taking care of us than you and I.
I love you because I just do. It is what I feel and it feels right.
Have I Told You
That I want to grab your hips and pull your hair?
Have I mentioned I am going to make your eyes roll back in your head and your legs tingle. I might even decide to use my tongue in...places.
Woman, you are mine and I will have you again.
P.S. I like talking with you.
Have I mentioned I am going to make your eyes roll back in your head and your legs tingle. I might even decide to use my tongue in...places.
Woman, you are mine and I will have you again.
P.S. I like talking with you.
A Few Mumblings
One day I would like to wake up in the middle of the night and find you next to me. Two night owls meant to keep each other company.
I'll pull you into my arms and talk about anything and everything with you. You'll hear a few mumblings about life, my hopes, my dreams and the things that scare me and together we'll figure out answers for all the stuff that makes us wonder.
Birthday Thoughts
Dear Juneleh,
It doesn't look like we'll get to celebrate your birthday together this year but if we did I would take you out again for a great meal. Fact is I'll never forget spending your birthday with you. It is one of those special moments that is burned into my memory and one that to me speaks volumes about us, who we are, who we were and even who we could be.
Maybe it sounds silly to you but when I think about that meal it is one where I looked at you and thought she'll forever be my girl. Won't matter if we are 12, 50 or a 100.
So even though there is some time before the day comes I wanted to let you know it is on my mind and that if I could I would spend it with you. I have more than a few ideas about how to entertain you and trust me when I say that my thoughts about those are all places to visit and experiences to share.
Got to run my dear, but you know how to find me. MLBF
It doesn't look like we'll get to celebrate your birthday together this year but if we did I would take you out again for a great meal. Fact is I'll never forget spending your birthday with you. It is one of those special moments that is burned into my memory and one that to me speaks volumes about us, who we are, who we were and even who we could be.
Maybe it sounds silly to you but when I think about that meal it is one where I looked at you and thought she'll forever be my girl. Won't matter if we are 12, 50 or a 100.
So even though there is some time before the day comes I wanted to let you know it is on my mind and that if I could I would spend it with you. I have more than a few ideas about how to entertain you and trust me when I say that my thoughts about those are all places to visit and experiences to share.
Got to run my dear, but you know how to find me. MLBF
Sweet Girl With The Radiant Smile
Dear Sweet Girl With The Radiant Smile,
No good updates to give right now, but not necessarily bad updates either. I am busting my ass to make something happen and trying to just operate in that middle zone of calm. Last night I came across a listing for a gig that appears to be right in my wheelhouse so I sent over an application.
The funny thing to me is that when it ended up in my inbox I immediately recognized the area. It is located down the street from the restaurant we hit for my birthday, not too far away from where the Misters Hall and Johnson meet.
Looked at that and thought about how there was a time I had no idea that I could skip through the glade to my target and find myself in places that had been foreign but now feel so very familiar. Haven't heard a word from these people and I might not hear anything so there is nothing to report other than it made me smile to realize I knew where I was looking.
Been looking in multiple places both near and far and haven't got anything other than my gut feel about where I am going to end up. If I told you I have no interest in your legs being wrapped around me would you believe me?
Hell, I can't even say it with a straight face. :) Who knows what will happen in this crazy mystery called life. I am just doing my best to enjoy the ride and with a bit of luck soon you'll enjoy my ride. Probably wouldn't surprise my baby to hear that I have 15 gallons of the go go juice ready and waiting for you.
I might ask if I can kiss you. I might ask if I can make love to you. But ultimately I am not really asking. Does that make me a bad man. Hell, who can worry about that now. Just give me your hand woman, I would feel better holding it.
You know I love you.
No good updates to give right now, but not necessarily bad updates either. I am busting my ass to make something happen and trying to just operate in that middle zone of calm. Last night I came across a listing for a gig that appears to be right in my wheelhouse so I sent over an application.
The funny thing to me is that when it ended up in my inbox I immediately recognized the area. It is located down the street from the restaurant we hit for my birthday, not too far away from where the Misters Hall and Johnson meet.
Looked at that and thought about how there was a time I had no idea that I could skip through the glade to my target and find myself in places that had been foreign but now feel so very familiar. Haven't heard a word from these people and I might not hear anything so there is nothing to report other than it made me smile to realize I knew where I was looking.
Been looking in multiple places both near and far and haven't got anything other than my gut feel about where I am going to end up. If I told you I have no interest in your legs being wrapped around me would you believe me?
Hell, I can't even say it with a straight face. :) Who knows what will happen in this crazy mystery called life. I am just doing my best to enjoy the ride and with a bit of luck soon you'll enjoy my ride. Probably wouldn't surprise my baby to hear that I have 15 gallons of the go go juice ready and waiting for you.
I might ask if I can kiss you. I might ask if I can make love to you. But ultimately I am not really asking. Does that make me a bad man. Hell, who can worry about that now. Just give me your hand woman, I would feel better holding it.
You know I love you.
Planning
I have plans for what to do to and with you. So don't expect me to disappear, die or go away any time soon.
The Magic 8 ball says it is certain and you can't argue with that.
Still Standing
Dear June,
It has been a very long week, I touched upon some of it in the post just before this but my cousin passing isn't all of it. None of what is dragging me down is particularly new and maybe that is part of why I feel so worn out.
You probably won't be surprised to see or hear how I picture things. Probably won't surprise you if I said I feel like I am being asked to stand still while I get punched...repeatedly. Don't know why I visualize things as I do, it is just how it is.
Maybe it is ego. Maybe it is too big an ego or maybe it is something else, not really sure and don't know if it matters. What I do know is that I am frustrated because it feels like every time I start to gain ground and get back to standing in the sunshine something smacks me in the mouth and says "you don't get this."
But I never have believed any of it. I may get punched but I only know how to stand and keep going. It is how I was raised. Shit happens and you just deal with it because there are no other choices. It is like Churchill says, "if you find yourself in hell keep going."
I would characterize this time as being in hell but I am still going because there is no going back there is only going through, only one way to the other side. But it doesn't mean there aren't moments where I just want to go lie down at the pool and do nothing but feel the sun upon my back. Nor am I going to say I never look at what other people seem to have and wonder how they always seem to have such an easy time. I am not referring to you, just other people I see.
And I look back at the last nine or ten months and I see such a mixed bag. I accomplished so much, came so damn far but it didn't stop/prevent some of the shittiest moments I can think of. Some of the crap that happened to me is simply shocking because of who was involved. I never expected it and I am still angry about it.
I try not to carry my anger about these things because it doesn't change anything. Doesn't turn the crap into gold but I still want to scream about it but I don't and I won't. It is not because I fear doing so but if it won't change anything there is no benefit to it.
And that is why I want to let go of the anger. I won't just forget the crap but if there is no benefit it is the sort of luggage I don't need to hang on to.
Got a list of what I need and what I want. Doing my best to prepare a 'proper' roadmap so that I can make them all happen and like I said, I have faith that I will get there. I always do and this time won't be any different but there are those moments where it feels like it is taking forever.
So here I am saying yet again, if you ask me what life will be like in 5 years I can give you a very general description but not as many details as I might like. Part of me appreciates that because it is exciting. It is just this exceptional opportunity and part of me wishes I could see all the details because it would help me relax.
I guess for the time being I'll keep walking the tightrope and do my best not to fall off of the damn cliff again. You know the problem with falling off?
It's not death or anything that grim.
The problem is that I seem to bounce off of every outcropping of rock along the way. Nothing like bruising the fuck out of your body but the good news I just pick my ass up and start walking again. And now I'll end this post here and let you resume your evening.
Got to pack, going away for the weekend.
It has been a very long week, I touched upon some of it in the post just before this but my cousin passing isn't all of it. None of what is dragging me down is particularly new and maybe that is part of why I feel so worn out.
You probably won't be surprised to see or hear how I picture things. Probably won't surprise you if I said I feel like I am being asked to stand still while I get punched...repeatedly. Don't know why I visualize things as I do, it is just how it is.
Maybe it is ego. Maybe it is too big an ego or maybe it is something else, not really sure and don't know if it matters. What I do know is that I am frustrated because it feels like every time I start to gain ground and get back to standing in the sunshine something smacks me in the mouth and says "you don't get this."
But I never have believed any of it. I may get punched but I only know how to stand and keep going. It is how I was raised. Shit happens and you just deal with it because there are no other choices. It is like Churchill says, "if you find yourself in hell keep going."
I would characterize this time as being in hell but I am still going because there is no going back there is only going through, only one way to the other side. But it doesn't mean there aren't moments where I just want to go lie down at the pool and do nothing but feel the sun upon my back. Nor am I going to say I never look at what other people seem to have and wonder how they always seem to have such an easy time. I am not referring to you, just other people I see.
And I look back at the last nine or ten months and I see such a mixed bag. I accomplished so much, came so damn far but it didn't stop/prevent some of the shittiest moments I can think of. Some of the crap that happened to me is simply shocking because of who was involved. I never expected it and I am still angry about it.
I try not to carry my anger about these things because it doesn't change anything. Doesn't turn the crap into gold but I still want to scream about it but I don't and I won't. It is not because I fear doing so but if it won't change anything there is no benefit to it.
And that is why I want to let go of the anger. I won't just forget the crap but if there is no benefit it is the sort of luggage I don't need to hang on to.
Got a list of what I need and what I want. Doing my best to prepare a 'proper' roadmap so that I can make them all happen and like I said, I have faith that I will get there. I always do and this time won't be any different but there are those moments where it feels like it is taking forever.
So here I am saying yet again, if you ask me what life will be like in 5 years I can give you a very general description but not as many details as I might like. Part of me appreciates that because it is exciting. It is just this exceptional opportunity and part of me wishes I could see all the details because it would help me relax.
I guess for the time being I'll keep walking the tightrope and do my best not to fall off of the damn cliff again. You know the problem with falling off?
It's not death or anything that grim.
The problem is that I seem to bounce off of every outcropping of rock along the way. Nothing like bruising the fuck out of your body but the good news I just pick my ass up and start walking again. And now I'll end this post here and let you resume your evening.
Got to pack, going away for the weekend.
Keeping You In The Loop
My cousin died yesterday. It wasn't unexpected but I am still sad about it. Debated about whether to keep you in the loop about it and here is what I came up with.
Under 'normal' circumstances I would keep you posted about everything just as I think you would do for me. However given the current status I figured I would let you enjoy your vacation. While I am sad the honest truth is we weren't very close. Her death brings up other issues and as a parent I feel horribly for hers because no one should bury a child.
But it seems wrong not to share this with you so I am 'balancing' things by doing so here. You'll see that I kept you posted and I'll feel like I didn't impose upon your vacation. If I felt like I had to lean on you for this I would have no problem reaching out, but it is not one of those situations.
Anyway, you are a pain in my ass but I do love you so here I am. Hope you are having fun. One of these days I need to see if those bagels you talk about are decent.
Under 'normal' circumstances I would keep you posted about everything just as I think you would do for me. However given the current status I figured I would let you enjoy your vacation. While I am sad the honest truth is we weren't very close. Her death brings up other issues and as a parent I feel horribly for hers because no one should bury a child.
But it seems wrong not to share this with you so I am 'balancing' things by doing so here. You'll see that I kept you posted and I'll feel like I didn't impose upon your vacation. If I felt like I had to lean on you for this I would have no problem reaching out, but it is not one of those situations.
Anyway, you are a pain in my ass but I do love you so here I am. Hope you are having fun. One of these days I need to see if those bagels you talk about are decent.
