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Sometimes I think about just turning this into nothing but a giant archive. Doesn't get a ton of traffic, the occasional person, question is what purpose does it serve. No real rush to make a decision, it doesn't cost a dime to keep this place going.
Grumpy
I am feeling a bit grumpy right now so you won't find any serious comments or substance here other than a remark about how I ought to bend you over the couch or wrap both hands in your hair and have my way.
But then again maybe I won't say any of that because I am grumpy and I'll say no touching.
But then again maybe I won't say any of that because I am grumpy and I'll say no touching.
If You Are Reading
If you are reading this it is because the monkey needs to be fed:
A) Chocolate
B) Banana
C) Valium
D) All of the above and a kick in the pants.
Want to know what I really think? Not going to say here. :)
A) Chocolate
B) Banana
C) Valium
D) All of the above and a kick in the pants.
Want to know what I really think? Not going to say here. :)
Twiddling My Thumbs
Hard to twiddle my thumbs when so much is going on and there is far too much time to wait. Very curious to see what happens this week. From a distance it looks and sounds like it could be a very good opportunity but you never know for certain until you get into it.
Not particularly thrilled about the flight. Early morning is hard and I still haven't figured out if I am going to fly in my suit or not. Sort of depends on whether I find a suitable carryon that I can use to make it easy to travel without wearing it.
Would be more comfortable doing the quick change when I arrive and not having to worry about it getting stained or wrinkled. Reserved a car, but haven't decided if I really need it or not. Figured it is easier to cancel then worry about getting there and trying to secure a reasonable rate.
Since the weather is warming up I figure it might be useful to be master of my travel destiny. If I have the vehicle I can turn the dial down and make sure I am covered in ice and not sweat. Not to mention if I get jammed I can make a run past Marshalls or Macy's.
With a bit of luck and a lot of work this could be the week that I get myself into a situation where I don't have to work as hard for so little and maybe put myself in a position in which I can dream about retiring.
Not particularly thrilled about the flight. Early morning is hard and I still haven't figured out if I am going to fly in my suit or not. Sort of depends on whether I find a suitable carryon that I can use to make it easy to travel without wearing it.
Would be more comfortable doing the quick change when I arrive and not having to worry about it getting stained or wrinkled. Reserved a car, but haven't decided if I really need it or not. Figured it is easier to cancel then worry about getting there and trying to secure a reasonable rate.
Since the weather is warming up I figure it might be useful to be master of my travel destiny. If I have the vehicle I can turn the dial down and make sure I am covered in ice and not sweat. Not to mention if I get jammed I can make a run past Marshalls or Macy's.
With a bit of luck and a lot of work this could be the week that I get myself into a situation where I don't have to work as hard for so little and maybe put myself in a position in which I can dream about retiring.
There Are Days
I am certain that the stress that comes with crazy times is the secret ingredient in the mix of things that has my stomach in knots and my hair falling out. What I find funny is how even though I know this I can't seem to get the dull ache to go away for very long.
Exercise goes a long way towards making me forget about it and generally I feel pretty damn good during it but the pounding is taking its toll and the time is coming when I'll have to find a different game to play. Hopefully that means I still have another 20 years or so.
Got some definite ideas about what I'll do then, competition is a good thing in some areas. Still I would be thrilled to wander into an extended period of normalcy and boredom. Might even write about it, got all sorts of ideas for a good story.
Don't know if I'll get to it tonight or not, but if I do it will be late.
Still Crazy
Crazy time hasn't quite left, it just moved to the side a bit. Got all sorts of stuff going on now and if things continue I'll have some big decisions to make soon. Hard to say for certain which way things will go.
What I am certain of is there are moments in time where you must make a choice or suffer from paralysis of analysis. You just never know what the pool will feel like until you dive in.
What I am certain of is there are moments in time where you must make a choice or suffer from paralysis of analysis. You just never know what the pool will feel like until you dive in.
Crazy Times
Dear Juneleh,
Things have been so damn crazy for so long now I feel like my head is on a swivel and that it keeps spinning in circles. Some of it is good and some of it is...less good. Overall I feel like I have finally gotten things turned back around in the right direction, but I still swimming upstream and climbing uphill.
Still have a significant amount of stressful and ridiculous situations to work through. I am blaming those for wreaking havoc on my system. For a while now I have noticed that I go through extended periods where I just feel...off.
My best guess is that when I finalize a few things it will take some of the edge off of some of the crazy and I'll feel normal again. That is not to say that I feel like hell every day because that would be an exaggeration but it happens enough for me to notice. I suppose the good news is that it is easy for me to see how it connects to the outside crap.
I am very curious to see what happens in the next week or so. That could go a long way towards answering some of the questions that have been sloshing around inside my head
Things have been so damn crazy for so long now I feel like my head is on a swivel and that it keeps spinning in circles. Some of it is good and some of it is...less good. Overall I feel like I have finally gotten things turned back around in the right direction, but I still swimming upstream and climbing uphill.
Still have a significant amount of stressful and ridiculous situations to work through. I am blaming those for wreaking havoc on my system. For a while now I have noticed that I go through extended periods where I just feel...off.
My best guess is that when I finalize a few things it will take some of the edge off of some of the crazy and I'll feel normal again. That is not to say that I feel like hell every day because that would be an exaggeration but it happens enough for me to notice. I suppose the good news is that it is easy for me to see how it connects to the outside crap.
I am very curious to see what happens in the next week or so. That could go a long way towards answering some of the questions that have been sloshing around inside my head
Filling Your Head
Dear June,
I shouldn't tell you how I took a nap today and woke up thinking about how nice it you be to just roll over and take you. Got me thinking about whether I wanted to have you in a million different positions.
I think my favorite will always be with you on your back, but from behind and or bent over the couch certainly get my attention too. Did I ever mention how when we were standing in the kitchen I...
I don't just think you are sexy, I think you are beautiful and as I have told you before if given the change I would try to wear you out. :) Don't have any more time to write now and I probably shouldn't fill your...head with this nonsense. Off to take care of other stuff that is far less interesting, but pays the bills.
I shouldn't tell you how I took a nap today and woke up thinking about how nice it you be to just roll over and take you. Got me thinking about whether I wanted to have you in a million different positions.
I think my favorite will always be with you on your back, but from behind and or bent over the couch certainly get my attention too. Did I ever mention how when we were standing in the kitchen I...
I don't just think you are sexy, I think you are beautiful and as I have told you before if given the change I would try to wear you out. :) Don't have any more time to write now and I probably shouldn't fill your...head with this nonsense. Off to take care of other stuff that is far less interesting, but pays the bills.
Sort of Lost
Dear June,
I think the best part of being this age is waking up and realizing you are not entirely sure who you are, where you are and why. Ok that is a bit of an exaggeration because I know I am and where I am. But the thing is I am not crazy about the what I am right now so I am working on changing it.
It is an interesting position to be in because in many ways I feel cut off from everyone. I am doing it all without feeling like anyone has my back and part of me is just fine with it. I am a big boy and I don't mind being alone.
Except the thing is, I am not able to make all of the decisions I want to make solely on my own and that pisses me off because if no one has my back I should be able to just do as I think is best. Eventually that is going to change.
Hell everything is going to change because this is not a vacuum and nothing stays the same. I am very curious to see what happens when I come out the other side because life is going to be very interesting.
I think the best part of being this age is waking up and realizing you are not entirely sure who you are, where you are and why. Ok that is a bit of an exaggeration because I know I am and where I am. But the thing is I am not crazy about the what I am right now so I am working on changing it.
It is an interesting position to be in because in many ways I feel cut off from everyone. I am doing it all without feeling like anyone has my back and part of me is just fine with it. I am a big boy and I don't mind being alone.
Except the thing is, I am not able to make all of the decisions I want to make solely on my own and that pisses me off because if no one has my back I should be able to just do as I think is best. Eventually that is going to change.
Hell everything is going to change because this is not a vacuum and nothing stays the same. I am very curious to see what happens when I come out the other side because life is going to be very interesting.
Present or Elsewhere
Dear Juneleh,
If I asked you when the last time you engaged in a little horizontal Mambo action you probably wouldn't answer but if you did I suspect you'd say you hoped it ended quickly and that you weren't into it.
Not that I don't want you to enjoy yourself, but if its not me I hope you are bored silly. ;)
I'd tell you that it is a sad state of affairs because that is how I see it. I am not going to lie and say it is anything other than dead on this end because it is not. This isn't supposed to be how life is and as I have said many time it is not how mine will end. It may go on for a bit longer because I am not in a position to change it yet, but it will change.
Change is the rule of the day. My promise to myself to continue to work towards making some significant and fundamental changes so that the future I am building will be better than now and less likely to continue to be such a mess.
The positive side of it all is knowing that because I am taking control I'll get it situated, adjusted and fixed so that I go to bed knowing I did not just my best, but what I had to do. A kinder, gentler and happier Johnny will be good for all.
What To Write
It is far more interesting to think about what we could do on our day than to focus on the reality of the current situation in which I am making so little progress at fixing things it makes me want to scream.
From one perspective I am breathing more easily than before because instead of heading for the cliff at breakneck speed I have managed to slow it down and have reason to believe I can turn it around pretty quickly.
But it doesn't change my concern about what happens if something major comes up before I am prepared to handle it. That is a possibility I can't ignore and if it happens, well it could be very ugly and uncomfortable.
So you can understand why I prefer to think about ways to relieve stress and promote health than to focus on something that makes my head hurt. It is also a significant part of why I have to change things here because I have to find a way to make life easier. Funny how sometimes that effort puts me in touch with people who know you, not an intentional thing at all, just coincidence.
Speaking of coincidences someone I know talked about giving their girl multiples and I thought, "I have done that and could do it again." Could be more explicit but I think you'll enjoy wondering what I am referring to so I'll just let it lie for now. You need a good spanking. :)
And with that, I am on my way.
From one perspective I am breathing more easily than before because instead of heading for the cliff at breakneck speed I have managed to slow it down and have reason to believe I can turn it around pretty quickly.
But it doesn't change my concern about what happens if something major comes up before I am prepared to handle it. That is a possibility I can't ignore and if it happens, well it could be very ugly and uncomfortable.
So you can understand why I prefer to think about ways to relieve stress and promote health than to focus on something that makes my head hurt. It is also a significant part of why I have to change things here because I have to find a way to make life easier. Funny how sometimes that effort puts me in touch with people who know you, not an intentional thing at all, just coincidence.
Speaking of coincidences someone I know talked about giving their girl multiples and I thought, "I have done that and could do it again." Could be more explicit but I think you'll enjoy wondering what I am referring to so I'll just let it lie for now. You need a good spanking. :)
And with that, I am on my way.
