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Curious Girl
Hello Curious Girl,
Walked 3 miles yesterday in 98 degree weather and wondered why I wore jeans. Actually I know exactly why I wore them, had a function I attended that was for work and networking purposes.
I feel it a little bit today, but not too bad. If I go through with doing one of the Tough Mudder races I'll need to be able to do much better than that.
Too bad you aren't around to rub my back, you'd like that and I might too. Hell, we both would and you know it. Someone named June doesn't know what the hell to do about me. Wants to make a list of reasons why this makes no sense, the old queen of low expectations hasn't left.
Yet, here you are reading my words and wondering what the hell it is all about. Well, I am still walking through hell covered in gasoline but I see daylight and I have for a long while. Just takes a bit of time to get things situated, but I ALWAYS do.
It has been one hell of a long road but I think ultimately I will be better for it as will whomever gets to share it with me. Doesn't mean there aren't hard moments or times that I haven't wanted to tear my hair out, cuz there are.
Every time I see pictures or video I cringe. Silly ego doesn't like what it sees, but I am not a kid anymore so this is how it goes. Still, I don't have to go quietly into the twilight. That burning anger in the belly won't let that happen. You get to see the softer side of me and always have. You get to see the weak parts, but almost no one knows about that.
Can't say whether that is good or bad but one of the guys told me that I am as tough as they come. Made me smirk a bit. It is probably true. I don't say that to feed my ego, I just accept it because it helps sometimes when things are hard.
And when that doesn't work, well I write and do push ups.
A thousand years ago in the days in which you loved me without question I told you that same thing and now, well I am saying it again for no other reason than I can.
Wait until you see me and find out all the other things I can do to make you smile and feel good.
Ok woman, got to run cuz I have a life that I am living without you. Sorry, I know that sounds snarky, but I still irked with you. You may mean more to me than you know, but it doesn't mean that I won't yell at you occasionally.
Besides, you'll come back here again regardless whether you understand it or not. Same as I do. We have a connection that hasn't been broken and a need to keep it going. This won't change that.
We haven't worked out all of the kinks and even though you have created space it hasn't fixed everything. We may not be who we were but we haven't decided what we may be in the future so here we are in limbo.
Funny thing, this place in limbo. Speaking of limbo it should be fun to see how flexible you are. Ok June, I really am running. Don't care if you say it, but I know that you still love me. Might not feel like you are in love, but I am cool with that.
Time will tell. But I wouldn't be surprised if you said those three words to me again and did so before you realized you were going to. You miss me.
-Johnny
Hee hee, stop trying to figure out why I didn't say whether I love you or not. Gotcha air sucker. ;) Read that twice, didn't you.
Walked 3 miles yesterday in 98 degree weather and wondered why I wore jeans. Actually I know exactly why I wore them, had a function I attended that was for work and networking purposes.
I feel it a little bit today, but not too bad. If I go through with doing one of the Tough Mudder races I'll need to be able to do much better than that.
Too bad you aren't around to rub my back, you'd like that and I might too. Hell, we both would and you know it. Someone named June doesn't know what the hell to do about me. Wants to make a list of reasons why this makes no sense, the old queen of low expectations hasn't left.
Yet, here you are reading my words and wondering what the hell it is all about. Well, I am still walking through hell covered in gasoline but I see daylight and I have for a long while. Just takes a bit of time to get things situated, but I ALWAYS do.
It has been one hell of a long road but I think ultimately I will be better for it as will whomever gets to share it with me. Doesn't mean there aren't hard moments or times that I haven't wanted to tear my hair out, cuz there are.
Every time I see pictures or video I cringe. Silly ego doesn't like what it sees, but I am not a kid anymore so this is how it goes. Still, I don't have to go quietly into the twilight. That burning anger in the belly won't let that happen. You get to see the softer side of me and always have. You get to see the weak parts, but almost no one knows about that.
Can't say whether that is good or bad but one of the guys told me that I am as tough as they come. Made me smirk a bit. It is probably true. I don't say that to feed my ego, I just accept it because it helps sometimes when things are hard.
And when that doesn't work, well I write and do push ups.
A thousand years ago in the days in which you loved me without question I told you that same thing and now, well I am saying it again for no other reason than I can.
Wait until you see me and find out all the other things I can do to make you smile and feel good.
Ok woman, got to run cuz I have a life that I am living without you. Sorry, I know that sounds snarky, but I still irked with you. You may mean more to me than you know, but it doesn't mean that I won't yell at you occasionally.
Besides, you'll come back here again regardless whether you understand it or not. Same as I do. We have a connection that hasn't been broken and a need to keep it going. This won't change that.
We haven't worked out all of the kinks and even though you have created space it hasn't fixed everything. We may not be who we were but we haven't decided what we may be in the future so here we are in limbo.
Funny thing, this place in limbo. Speaking of limbo it should be fun to see how flexible you are. Ok June, I really am running. Don't care if you say it, but I know that you still love me. Might not feel like you are in love, but I am cool with that.
Time will tell. But I wouldn't be surprised if you said those three words to me again and did so before you realized you were going to. You miss me.
-Johnny
Hee hee, stop trying to figure out why I didn't say whether I love you or not. Gotcha air sucker. ;) Read that twice, didn't you.
An Erotic Dream
Dear June,
I had one of the most erotic dreams I can remember having and you were the star. We were in some private room and I was standing behind you, brushing your hair and talking.
You turned around to face me and, well let's just say that you decided to engage in your favorite past time for a bit. I refused to let you finish because I had other plans in mind and I made it clear that I was the boss.
So in between making you submit to my ravishing your body we had quite the conversation about this and that.
I'll save the details on this. You have enough of an imagination to figure out what it might be and besides I don't want to wear you out ahead of time. I don't think you can keep up with me as it is and since you are much older than I am....
;)
Lots more to share. So much going on right now.
I had one of the most erotic dreams I can remember having and you were the star. We were in some private room and I was standing behind you, brushing your hair and talking.
You turned around to face me and, well let's just say that you decided to engage in your favorite past time for a bit. I refused to let you finish because I had other plans in mind and I made it clear that I was the boss.
So in between making you submit to my ravishing your body we had quite the conversation about this and that.
I'll save the details on this. You have enough of an imagination to figure out what it might be and besides I don't want to wear you out ahead of time. I don't think you can keep up with me as it is and since you are much older than I am....
;)
Lots more to share. So much going on right now.
First Song I Heard Tonight
Hello babeleh,
I can feel it coming...yep, in you, on you, around you. ;)
Our time is coming round again. Heard this tonight and wanted to share.
"Your Wildest Dreams" The Moody Blues
Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Reflected in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
Once the world was new
Our bodies felt the morning dew
That greets the brand new day
We couldn't tear ourselves away
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you still remember
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Love was all we knew
And all I knew was you
I wonder if you know
I wonder if you think about it
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
And when the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Mirrored in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
I can feel it coming...yep, in you, on you, around you. ;)
Our time is coming round again. Heard this tonight and wanted to share.
"Your Wildest Dreams" The Moody Blues
Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Reflected in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
Once the world was new
Our bodies felt the morning dew
That greets the brand new day
We couldn't tear ourselves away
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you still remember
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Love was all we knew
And all I knew was you
I wonder if you know
I wonder if you think about it
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
And when the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Mirrored in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
Propositioning You
Dear Junebug,
Yep, this is me propositioning you. Not trying to sweet talk you into anything here because I just don't feel like it.
You keep coming back and you will continue because there is something there that you can't ignore. Been far too long since you were in my arms or felt my hands on your hips.
Don't pretend you haven't thought about it and or us. It is time, long past time to do it again. I will wear you out and leave you smiling. I will take care of you and make you feel things you haven't felt in a long time.
Stop pretending and stop hiding. I know thing Juneleh and it is time to show you again.
Yep, this is me propositioning you. Not trying to sweet talk you into anything here because I just don't feel like it.
You keep coming back and you will continue because there is something there that you can't ignore. Been far too long since you were in my arms or felt my hands on your hips.
Don't pretend you haven't thought about it and or us. It is time, long past time to do it again. I will wear you out and leave you smiling. I will take care of you and make you feel things you haven't felt in a long time.
Stop pretending and stop hiding. I know thing Juneleh and it is time to show you again.
Pictures and Stuff
My Dearest Junebug,
Do I look old and tired to you. Do you see a man who is just worn down, beat up and lost or do you see the fire and flames lurking behind those eyes.
Do you recognize the guy you once knew and see pieces of the man I am.
Does that photo make you sigh, wonder and wish or make you wonder what the hell you were thinking.
Maybe it is all of the above or none of them. At the moment it doesn't much matter and I am good with that. Got stuff I am working on and I see the progress that I keep talking about continuing.
That new blog is working. People are finding me, businesses are finding me. I am making changes and making magic. I am making things happen, albeit slower than I want to.
But that is ok because this is sort of like turning a big freaking boat around. No brakes on a boat, no easy way to just drop anchor and spin. So it takes time to make the stop and spin around to face the appropriate direction.
There are times when it frustrates me and times when I am a bit scared, but damn woman, I feel alive. I feel like I am really heading towards the place I want to be. That impatient part of me gets a bit crazy with this because I want to know what the future holds, I want to see it today.
But I can't see through the fucking fog so all I can do is just keep sailing and adjust as I go. Part of me loves that because it is one big adventure and part of me says WTF John, what are you doing and where are you going.
Usual battle between heart and head but man life is sweet and I just know it is going to work because I am the captain of this ship and my damn destiny.
Bet you wish I was around to give you a big hug and bounce you on my lap. Hee hee, that red face of yours is cute...sometimes. ;)
Time to run.
ML
Do I look old and tired to you. Do you see a man who is just worn down, beat up and lost or do you see the fire and flames lurking behind those eyes.
Do you recognize the guy you once knew and see pieces of the man I am.
Does that photo make you sigh, wonder and wish or make you wonder what the hell you were thinking.
Maybe it is all of the above or none of them. At the moment it doesn't much matter and I am good with that. Got stuff I am working on and I see the progress that I keep talking about continuing.
That new blog is working. People are finding me, businesses are finding me. I am making changes and making magic. I am making things happen, albeit slower than I want to.
But that is ok because this is sort of like turning a big freaking boat around. No brakes on a boat, no easy way to just drop anchor and spin. So it takes time to make the stop and spin around to face the appropriate direction.
There are times when it frustrates me and times when I am a bit scared, but damn woman, I feel alive. I feel like I am really heading towards the place I want to be. That impatient part of me gets a bit crazy with this because I want to know what the future holds, I want to see it today.
But I can't see through the fucking fog so all I can do is just keep sailing and adjust as I go. Part of me loves that because it is one big adventure and part of me says WTF John, what are you doing and where are you going.
Usual battle between heart and head but man life is sweet and I just know it is going to work because I am the captain of this ship and my damn destiny.
Bet you wish I was around to give you a big hug and bounce you on my lap. Hee hee, that red face of yours is cute...sometimes. ;)
Time to run.
ML
Juneleh, Oh Juneleh
Hi Juneleh,
Well sweetheart it is another Friday night and I have an idea for how we could spend it. I was thinking that we might start out by you engaging in your favorite activity. Been a long time since we got to do that, but I have never forgotten how it felt or what it was like to look into your eyes.
Afterwards we could take a nap, have a nice meal, talk and then I would take care of you again, and again and again.
Would be sweet, wouldn't it.
Well some things have to remain dreams for now but that doesn't mean they always will. If you haven't noticed I am one determined fellow and I don't give up on things I want very easily.
Some call it intense, some call it tenacity and others call it delusional.
Me? I call it a damn sight better than living in the land of the burning river. ;)
Got a bunch of stories to tell you Madam Air Sucker, but all in good time. It is time for me to go, but know that these stories are available.
Don't forget to check out the new joint. Use my name to find it.
MLB
Well sweetheart it is another Friday night and I have an idea for how we could spend it. I was thinking that we might start out by you engaging in your favorite activity. Been a long time since we got to do that, but I have never forgotten how it felt or what it was like to look into your eyes.
Afterwards we could take a nap, have a nice meal, talk and then I would take care of you again, and again and again.
Would be sweet, wouldn't it.
Well some things have to remain dreams for now but that doesn't mean they always will. If you haven't noticed I am one determined fellow and I don't give up on things I want very easily.
Some call it intense, some call it tenacity and others call it delusional.
Me? I call it a damn sight better than living in the land of the burning river. ;)
Got a bunch of stories to tell you Madam Air Sucker, but all in good time. It is time for me to go, but know that these stories are available.
Don't forget to check out the new joint. Use my name to find it.
MLB
You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore
Don't know why that song jumped in my head. Maybe it is because it feels weird to be so distant and yet feel like it is not quite so far.
This disjointed feeling is peculiar.
Been a long while since we spoke regularly in the traditional matter and part of me says to just go off of what I see there. If you don't call or write it means that you found someone else or just don't care to spend time with me.
OTOH, you notice whether I notice your birthday and make regular appearances at places where you know I communicate with you so that does present a bit of a contradiction. You could argue that your actions say you care.
And of course I still can't help but pay attention to that weird feeling in my gut that tells me the connection isn't dead. It is all a bit wacky to me.
There are the usual moments where I tell you that I miss you and all that kind of crap. And the moments where I think I'll pull one of your stunts and think about all of the things you have done to piss me off. When I think like that it makes me just irritated enough to build distance.
Not really sure why I am sharing any of this with you. The girl who once loved me would have talked with me about this and maybe she would have agreed or disagreed, who knows. Probably doesn't matter.
So I'll just wrap this up by saying Happy Birthday and that if you were here or I were there I'd have a gift for you.
Never know what the future holds or how long/short it may be. Life is an adventure. Take care of yourself and remember when you think of me, I might be thinking of you.
This disjointed feeling is peculiar.
Been a long while since we spoke regularly in the traditional matter and part of me says to just go off of what I see there. If you don't call or write it means that you found someone else or just don't care to spend time with me.
OTOH, you notice whether I notice your birthday and make regular appearances at places where you know I communicate with you so that does present a bit of a contradiction. You could argue that your actions say you care.
And of course I still can't help but pay attention to that weird feeling in my gut that tells me the connection isn't dead. It is all a bit wacky to me.
There are the usual moments where I tell you that I miss you and all that kind of crap. And the moments where I think I'll pull one of your stunts and think about all of the things you have done to piss me off. When I think like that it makes me just irritated enough to build distance.
Not really sure why I am sharing any of this with you. The girl who once loved me would have talked with me about this and maybe she would have agreed or disagreed, who knows. Probably doesn't matter.
So I'll just wrap this up by saying Happy Birthday and that if you were here or I were there I'd have a gift for you.
Never know what the future holds or how long/short it may be. Life is an adventure. Take care of yourself and remember when you think of me, I might be thinking of you.
Happy 46th
Happy Birthday Junebug- hard to believe you are 46. ;)
If you are lucky I might even write you outside of this. We'll see whether you show up here Thursday night air sucker or if you follow your schedule.
Either way you know I haven't forgotten.
If you are lucky I might even write you outside of this. We'll see whether you show up here Thursday night air sucker or if you follow your schedule.
Either way you know I haven't forgotten.
Sometimes It is Painful
Dear June,
Maybe it is goofy and ridiculous but every time I hear this song I think of you. Upon occasion people have been around when I have heard it and they have said that I get a far away and sort of dreamy look.
Don't know if that is true, but I do have dreams. Some of them are painful to think about and others aren't. I suppose that is what happens when you choose to dance in the fire. That is me, the fire dancer.
Life keeps moving and changes keep happening all around us. I stop and stare at our moon and wonder if you are looking at it. I turn around to see if by chance you are standing there, but you aren't.
Sometimes it is funny to me to say things like that because I know damn well you aren't. But every now and then it almost feels like you are and you are calling me to come to dinner with you and our kids.
Sometimes it is painful to think of and about these things. I wonder if it is a complete waste of time and then I say what would miss logical and rational have to say about these things. That usually makes me laugh because I know you can't apply logic to this, especially when you are so darn short.
So I just shrug my shoulders and say what do I know?
Well I know that you said I was the love of your life and that you won't forgive me for not finding you sooner. I know you said there are things about me that make you insane and things you love. And I know that I can say the same about you.
I know that I have gotten deeper inside you than any other man, not physically, well maybe, but that is not what I focused on.
Because I know that if these things are true and that if things work out that we find ourselves together I will end up deeper because you cannot help but give yourself to me. You like that and so do I.
Funny, but as I sit here writing I can hear Helter Skelter playing and I realize that the lyrics are appropriate.
I think you would like to let me love you in person and from afar, but you are scared and want a plan. That is what I think.
I keep submitting apps out your way- never know one might come through and then you just might find me there. Possibilities...
Maybe it is goofy and ridiculous but every time I hear this song I think of you. Upon occasion people have been around when I have heard it and they have said that I get a far away and sort of dreamy look.
Don't know if that is true, but I do have dreams. Some of them are painful to think about and others aren't. I suppose that is what happens when you choose to dance in the fire. That is me, the fire dancer.
Life keeps moving and changes keep happening all around us. I stop and stare at our moon and wonder if you are looking at it. I turn around to see if by chance you are standing there, but you aren't.
Sometimes it is funny to me to say things like that because I know damn well you aren't. But every now and then it almost feels like you are and you are calling me to come to dinner with you and our kids.
Sometimes it is painful to think of and about these things. I wonder if it is a complete waste of time and then I say what would miss logical and rational have to say about these things. That usually makes me laugh because I know you can't apply logic to this, especially when you are so darn short.
So I just shrug my shoulders and say what do I know?
Well I know that you said I was the love of your life and that you won't forgive me for not finding you sooner. I know you said there are things about me that make you insane and things you love. And I know that I can say the same about you.
I know that I have gotten deeper inside you than any other man, not physically, well maybe, but that is not what I focused on.
Because I know that if these things are true and that if things work out that we find ourselves together I will end up deeper because you cannot help but give yourself to me. You like that and so do I.
Funny, but as I sit here writing I can hear Helter Skelter playing and I realize that the lyrics are appropriate.
I think you would like to let me love you in person and from afar, but you are scared and want a plan. That is what I think.
I keep submitting apps out your way- never know one might come through and then you just might find me there. Possibilities...
Music For My Girl
Think of Me-Phantom of The Opera
All I Ask Of You-Phantom of The Opera
Latika's Theme- Slumdog Millionaire
I Will Find You- Clannad (Last Of The Mohicans- love that ending)
Born To Run- Bruce Springsteen
Tougher Than The Rest- Bruce Springsteen
I Am On Fire- Bruce Springsteen
Ring Of Fire- Johnny Cash
Call Me- Blondie
Ok Junebug, the damn line between us going off the hook right now. What is your story? Everything ok?
Sometimes you are a silly woman but you are still my girl and dammit, I just know things. Air Sucker, you'll have to check out the new blog and let me know what you think. I am using it for business and I think it will be something special.
All you need to do is use my name and you'll find it. Got to run, next time we see each other you get two hands on the back of your head but only after you ask and you will. ;)
MLBF
All I Ask Of You-Phantom of The Opera
Latika's Theme- Slumdog Millionaire
I Will Find You- Clannad (Last Of The Mohicans- love that ending)
Born To Run- Bruce Springsteen
Tougher Than The Rest- Bruce Springsteen
I Am On Fire- Bruce Springsteen
Ring Of Fire- Johnny Cash
Call Me- Blondie
Ok Junebug, the damn line between us going off the hook right now. What is your story? Everything ok?
Sometimes you are a silly woman but you are still my girl and dammit, I just know things. Air Sucker, you'll have to check out the new blog and let me know what you think. I am using it for business and I think it will be something special.
All you need to do is use my name and you'll find it. Got to run, next time we see each other you get two hands on the back of your head but only after you ask and you will. ;)
MLBF
