Here We Go

Dear Juneleh,

Here we go into the New Year and I am feeling a bit crazed. Not unusual or surprising given the circumstances, doing my best to just go with it. I am good at swimming against the tide, done it for years but doesn't mean it doesn't get tiring.

Got flu shot the other day and my arm sort of aches, noticed it yesterday when I was at the gym and was irritated. Back is is a bit sore today too, kind of knotted up. Nothing I am really worried about, but it is irritating, one of those getting older things I think.

Most of the time I don't mind getting older so much but some of the things that come with it chafe my skin. Not thrilled about the mystery aches, the change in metabolism and hairline. Been saying this crap for years and haven't ever taken the time to deal with them the way I could, talk a good game but...

Spent part of this morning cooking boneless chicken breast, not necessarily the most spiritual thing but it had to be done. Done a lot of had to be done lately which is probably why I said fuck it and bought my tablet yesterday.

Thus far I love it, LOVE IT.

Probably tied into my stress because technically I should have waited but then again technically I don't know what tomorrow will bring and sometimes you just have to live. Some might argue you just have to love and live. That is what I am trying to do, love and live.

Most of the time that works very well for me. I am good at it, but every now and then I get a bit frustrated that I can't just do what I want. Can't just take my woman and spend time with her and just live. Can't just live the way I want because I have to account for so many others.

Won't stop me from loving you or taking advantage of the time we have. Won't see me rationalizing things by saying it helps keep things special between us because that only goes so far with me. I am sure it does help some but it is not the motor.

That is not what helps our relationship live, thrive and grow. Never has been.

You and I are the same and so very different. That is good. It is a big part of what helps us and keeps us going. Provides a bit of spice, some passion and balance.

What I know for certain is nothing and everything. I see things in you that you can't see and I expect you see me the same way. We let each other get away with things no one else can and it is not something either of us can really explain.

Nor should we be able to.

Isn't that part of the magic, not really being able to describe things.

I just know every time I kiss you if I open my eyes I see you looking back at me and we just know.