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Premonition

Had this crazy premonition an hour ago that I am going to buy a new car and move back our way in the not so distant future.

I Was Thinking About

Dearest Juneleh,

Sometimes I hesitate to write some things because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable but I have this feeling today that we fell deeper in love. Don't ask me to try to pinpoint when and certainly don't ask me to tell you how because that is outside of the scope of my answers...at least now.

I just know that it feels like it, but it feels different to me. It feels good. It is positive, I guess what I feel is that mature, deeper sort of love. It is that sense I get because of how well we know each other and how close we are. It is just how I know that I can ask you to do anything and you will.

2014 feels strange to me, unusual and out of sorts I. Maybe it is because I have been working so hard to get a few things done and now I am past a bunch of them and I have these new questions about what to do with the future. Just a sort of weird feeling, like more things are on the verge of falling into place.

What You Remember

If I could wave a magic wand tonight we would spend some time in a hot tub and I would make love to you in every position you can think of and some you can't.

And my goal would be to wear you out and leave you feeling spent, but in the best way possible. You'd close your eyes and fall asleep knowing you are loved, cherished and adored.

I could write more, say more, share more and do more but I don't think I could love you more because I just do with all of me.

And though you might not understand or believe it every time you swallow me I feel like I am sharing my love with you and one day I want to shoot inside you.

But most important of all is that you remember what I said above you are loved, cherished and adored.

Know What I Think

Know what I think?

I think that we have the kind of rare and special love that lasts forever.
I think we could spend a month locked inside a closet and still like each other.
I think I can write words that will make you cry with happiness.
I think I know how to reach you when no one else can.
I think we could spend a week making love and never get tired of it.
I think every time you swallow me our connection grows deeper.
I think sometimes you wish you could turn off your feelings for me because it frustrates you to be so far.
I think sometimes I frustrate you because I know so much about you and yet sometimes I just miss what you expect is obvious.
I think that we have only just begun.
I think a lot of other things but I won't share them...now.

You can yell at me later. ;)

Ok, one more thing I am baffled by why I so enjoy hearing you say you love me. You are the woman that throws me in a million different ways.

It is a good thing.

Rain

Dear June,

Just put on my headset and turned on the Simply Rain app so that I could calm down and relax. I am wound up tight now and my entire body hurts.

It's stress and excitement that has me like this. I am not particularly nervous or worried about anything outside of the usual, but it does have me feeling a bit crazed and I am doing my best to just let it go.

So much good stuff on its way and so many changes too. So much has happened this year, sometimes hard to believe.

And yet here we are at the end of the year and so much of what I thought and dreamed about has happened. The impossible and the improbable is not my phrase but I'll take it because I feel like it describes things.

Remember woman when you get frustrated about things that they are temporarily like this and think of the time we have had and how fast it went. It went that fast because it felt that good and when you have magic the moments last forever and end in the blink of an eye.

Such was the prelude to what we have coming. Hold on to me dearest and we'll get there.

White Noise

Dear June,

Late afternoon here and  I am simmering. Too much nonsense going on and it makes me frustrated. Even life is moving in the right direction and I can see many good things coming it makes me crazy to have to deal with some of this stuff.

It is just unnecessary and I am not interested in listening to people tell me that I am selfish, mean or anything else.

All or some of them might be true now but I don't have the energy to figure it out. Mostly because I feel like I am so close to turning the corner and potentially getting to glide downhill for a little while.

That is what I want to focus on. I want to keep my eye on all of the good stuff but I keep getting sucked into these other ticky tack things and it is hard not to really unload.

Sometimes people think I go from zero to sixty in a heartbeat but that is not really true. I am operating at about 58 so hitting 60 isn't much of an effort. I wish it was.

Gardener is outside my window so I turned on some white noise to try to block out the sound of the mower.

Did I ever tell you about the Color Wisdom cards? Don't remember how I stumbled onto them but those goofy things told me to keep chasing you.

I am sorry you got upset earlier but I am not kidding or spinning when I said I wasn't trying to bait you. I am much more direct about that.

Really don't enjoy fighting with you either but I will say that fighting is one of those things that always reminds me how strong we are.

We fight hard and then just get beyond it. That is not something I really have much experience with. I don't let anyone besides you talk to me the way you do. If it happens I just cut them out, not interested.

But you have my heart and unless my gut tells me otherwise I see no reason to let go. Mainly because I believe these silly fights are a product of current circumstances and not something that is a part of us.

Besides they are not particularly frequent and I expect that within a short time some of the BS that has me wired will pass and I will be happy-go-lucky again or close to it.

Just switched to Simply Rain, think I like it better. It is pretty relaxing.

Hell, just sat for a moment with my eyes closed and I feel better already.

January will come and some of the bigger things that are going on will pass and I'll be able to adjust my focus. I am looking forward to that and trying hard not to get caught up in the stuff that is happening now.

Not always easy for me to do, but this is life.

And as always I like to remind you that I am not just in love with you, but fucking in love with you. It is deep, it is mature and it is awesome to have.


Could Be A Dream, Could Be Reality

Dear Sweet Juneleh,

Sometimes I think about us lying in bed just after we finish making love and I smile because I think about how happy we were.

And I think about the details and wonder why I never did with anyone else. Even when I was in love I didn't get lost in thought about all the details the way I do with you.

I can picture so many little things. I can see the faces you make, your expressions and how you responded to how I touched you.

And I think about this feeling and how fun it is to talk about being married to you and how much I love saying I love you.

It makes me feel a bit foolish and somewhat goofy. And I think about blurring the lines and doing things that I have never done with you and how comfortable we are.

And then I sometimes wonder if I tell you too much. If I should be more reserved, more quiet and more circumspect. Would you notice if I pulled back. Would you notice if I was different.

Could I really be anyone other than who I am.

So many thoughts. So many ideas. So much love.

time will tell

Looking Straight Ahead While Sneaking a Peak at The Past

Been meaning to look at some old posts to see what we said there and to compare it to now. Just curious to see what I find.

Wearing You Out

Baby, I hate when you say I wear you out. There is only one way that I want to do that, but I get it. I know the intensity is hard.

I know it is like a freight train that keeps coming and I am sorry about that. I am who I am and though I try to throttle some of that I just don't know how to turn it off.

And with that energy flowing both directions it is only made more intense.

I am not asking you not to say it to me because if you feel it you can. My guess is that it is part of what you love about me. Might not be your favorite feature by a long shot, but it is a part and that is how it goes.

We don't get to choose parts to love, we just choose people. I suppose for better or worse we chose each other.

It always feels good to be close with you and on a related note it cracks me up when you think I am ignoring you. So very far from the truth.

If you could read my mind, now accept, submit and kiss me. MLBF
:)

I Love My Girl

Dear Juneleh,

Life gets busy and we find ourselves running a million different directions so I don't always get to write you the letter you deserve.

I want you to know there is never a day that I don't think about you and us at length. Never a day where I don't smile because you are part of my life and never a day where I don't think about ways to see you more.

It is because you are a part of me now and have been for longer than I can remember. You are my best friend and I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky to find you, let alone that you decided to spend time with me too.

It is a funny thing we have and I mean that in the best sense. Sometimes it is hard to be so far and it feels very cruel but when I close my eyes I can always feel you and always have this sense that we are going to find our way back to each other.

I love your heart and soul and your body, in that order.

And you are just going to have to deal with my wanting to ravish you every day, all day for the next ten thousand years.

One day we will go to Hawaii together. I might even write you about it. I might even tell you all that I see in my head and as I said earlier, in some of those spots you are actually clothed. ;)

I love you very much and hope that when times are hard you always feel it.

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