Oh Woman, Oh Woman

 Oh woman, oh woman come out of hiding.  Do you remember when I made you cum multiple times?

I do, it was so damn hot and sexy.

But I am not writing this post to talk about what I remember or what I find sexy about you because we'll get those moments in person.

No,  I am writing to see if you show up tonight on your own because I won't mention this anywhere else.

I wasn't lying about wanting to kiss you or hold you either. I absolutely want that and a few other things but those specifics can wait until you ask me to share them.

So come out cave woman or wave at me and I'll come drag you out. ;)

So much to do, so much to talk about, so little time and yet so much.

I feel you thinking.

I Haven't Forgotten

Dear Sweet June,

You know I know that you have been reading these and that I take your silence as consent and agreement.

You know that you make me crazy. You know that sometimes I swear I can smell you or feel your touch. You know that I am mostly convinced that it would take all of a minute to get lost in each other.

And you know that I expect we'll be naked and intimate again in the near future.

I see you.

I remember what it was like to be inside of you and to feel your legs wrapped around my body. I remember what it was like to have your lips wrapped around me and to feel them pressed against mine.

It was electric.

Can you blame me for wanting more.

I have never discounted the possibility that people and things change. Never ignored that because I have lived it. I haven't lied or exaggerated when I said I have been through hell. I see the scars on my face and body.

But I came out the other side, a different man in many ways, but more myself than ever.

I miss being close with you. I don't like saying it because I don't like making myself more vulnerable than necessary. But life is short and I'd rather say it than not.

I know I could be wrong about all of this. I know I could be in my own world. I also know I could be right and that you won't open the door anyway.

But you might. You might be doing your "I wait for the man thing" or some variation.

I wasn't lying when I told you at the restaurant that I think it would be tragic if we didn't get a chance to make love to each other again or that I would survive if we didn't.

Of course I would. I am still a hard ass and still capable of doing whatever I need to do but that doesn't mean I won't take a chance,

What kind of man would I be if I did that. And yeah, I know some people might question my choices but I am ok with that.

I have to live my life and I have been living it alone and apart for a long time. I can do anything I need to do, I am built for the storm. 

But again, that doesn't mean I have to subjugate everything and not take a chance.

We're smart people and we can figure all sorts of things out. I am still and forever convinced that we are capable of amazing things should we choose to walk specific paths.

Maybe we'll never know. Maybe we will.

There is a lot we don't know about each other and much we do. I am still convinced I have seen parts of my girl that no one else has and I hope to see them again.

BTW, I thought you looked hot in the pictures you posted, but I tend to be circumspect about what I say there.

Probably not appropriate to say I recognize certain expressions and why. ;)

I'll finish with another request to kiss you, another request for head and another request to put you on your back and have my way.

But mostly I want to hold you in my arms and live in our world for a bit. I like feeling you melt into me.

You Make Me A Little Crazy

Sweet June,

You make me crazy, you really do. There are days where I can't decide if I want to make love to you or fuck you like a rag doll.

Two hands on your head or your hips pumping away.

Or put you in a position in which we cannot avoid that intense eye contact. I think you are worried about getting addicted. I think you are worried about getting lost in each other.

I think you are worried about 55 other things too.

Maybe I am as well. Maybe I fear possibilities and maybe I fear not knowing.'

But baby, I have been to the depths of hell. I have been places I never wanted to go and seen what I never wanted to see. I learned things I never wanted or needed to know and maybe parts of me broke.

But maybe I healed too. Maybe I rebuilt parts that had split.

Maybe I am looking for the woman who said she would always be my girl to find out what happens when our bodies press together and our lips find each other.

Maybe I am looking to see what happens if we let ourselves be truly naked again not knowing what will happen but rolling down a path I think I can see.

Because I have got to know what happens when I kiss you again. I have got to have you in my arms and see you because you know I really see you.

And maybe you're waiting for me to grab you, to take you and to do it in a way that gives you plausible deniability.

Or maybe there are 1,883,938 other things going on inside your head.

We don't get forever. You know I'll run headfirst into the flames for you. If you are drowning I'll save you if I can.

It is who I am.

But I can't beat time. I keep trying and I keep losing and I hate it.

But I am as dumb as they come and I keep trying to do what I can't and what I am not supposed to. Eventually that ends, no matter what.

So I am standing here, holding out my hand to see if you'll take it and walk out on the wire with me for a while.

Not knowing what will happen or expecting more than a chance to see what if.

That is 18 years, chai, of whatever this is. Just rolling down the highway and learning what it means as we go.

Got lots more to say, but that is a rough draft of partial thoughts. Kiss me woman.

How Long?

How long do I have to wait before I get to kiss you again. How long before I get to take you in my arms.

How long before we get some time together.

How long before I wrap both of my hands in your hair.

How long before you really talk to and with me again.

How long...

I have my ideas and my thoughts.

P.S. Lady, I don't know why you deleted my comment. It was on topic, not snarky, antagonistic or anything weird.

How long woman, how long.

Saturday Night

 Dear Sweet June,

Been a couple of weeks since you were last here or so it appears to me so I am not sure if you have read the post I wrote before this one.

Got a feeling you might come by tonight or maybe it is better described as hoping you will.

It occurs to me I was 34 when we started talking so we're about to hit 18 years for certain, though it might be slightly longer or slightly less.

A couple of months don't matter because it is long enough to be more than a third of our total lives and most of our adult lives. Pretty crazy stuff.

Got this itch I need to scratch, got this wicked crazy desire to get some answers to questions I am certain I already know the answers to.

It is not just grabbing your hips and having my way with you or wrapping my fingers in your hair while I feed you, though that is part of it.

It is the complete engagement. It is the look in your eyes and the way you melt. It is taking care of you, watching you relax and watching you lose yourself in ecstasy. 

It is our world and knowing we found magic that not everyone discovers and taking advantage of what so few get. So much more to say to you, but not going to write more here today unless I see you come by tonight.

And even then I might not write it here, might just reach out to you. Taking it one moment at a time cuz it is all we can do.

Time Together

 Dear Juneleh,

I noticed you came by tonight so I'll probably post something to see if I can 'encourage' you to return to see this update.

Could text or messenger you but am waiting to see if you come to me. Waiting to see if you take a few steps or if you are going to wait for me to come for you. Cuz you know eventually I will.

You might wonder if it defeats the purpose by saying this here and maybe it does, but then again maybe it doesn't.

I am capable of saying anything, at any time, anywhere. Doesn't mean I will or that I won't.

Hell, I am quieter now than I have ever been. Spend so much time in my own head that I forget about talking.

But I'll talk with you. 

Told you I want time together. I want to know if what I sense is real.

Part of it without question is of this I am certain, but I want to know more. 

I remember taking your hand in the restaurant and feeling a little electric shock and smiling to myself because our bodies remembered each other just as our hearts have never forgotten.

What can I tell you woman, I ache and I sense and I wonder.

But mostly I know stuff and that is not something I'll share here, has to be in person. 

Not everything can be put on paper, some things have to be done live so that we feel alive. Don't know if that makes sense, but if I kissed you now I think it might.

I remember you lips. Do you remember mine.

Your Lips

 Been thinking about your lips pressed up against mine and wondering if memory is accurate. I intend to find out.

You need to be kissed Lady June...by me.

Will I Be Right?

 Dear Sweet June,

Will I be right about you coming back tonight to see what I have left for you or will you fool me?

Not sure, I know you are thinking about what I have written and that you are considering what to do. I am certain of it.

Certain that in some ways it would be easier for you to sleep with me if there was nothing else tied up in it but that is not something either of us believe. We have lived too much and loved too hard for it to be just sex.

Still, I am not lying when I say I don't go into this with expectations of marriage or living together. Won't say any of those are impossible because we have proven to me that it is impossible to make a 100 percent prediction of what will or won't happen.

I am not exaggerating when I say I have been to hell because I have taken some beatings that made me wonder why I have to be so goddamned tough and durable. Made me wonder why I didn't just break because that might be easier.

But I am who I am and you have seen as much as anyone and you haven't seen it all. Why wouldn't I want to make love to you again. Why wouldn't I want to take you and have my way.

There is a depth of trust that comes with us in spite of everything.

Sometimes I have a hard time accepting I don't look like I once did and can't physically do all I could but at the same time most of that is bullshit.

Looks aren't everything and I don't think I look horrible. And hell, I can still do quite a bit and with a little effort can do even more. It is just harder to maintain than it once was but so what.

So I have come clean, told you I want you in my arms. Want to have my way with you and I know that will happen.

I am exceptionally curious about it all. That connection is powerful.

Maybe I have written too much, given you too much stimulation, too much intensity but I don't think so. You aren't scared of me, nor should you be.

Mostly I am wondering if you are going to come to me or make me come get you...figuratively of course.

You could tell me to go away but I don't believe you want to. I am certain you want to know more just as I do.

I can do things one step at a time. I am good at that.

Take my hand woman, step into my arms and get lost for a bit. I can carry you if you let me. :)

I Feel It Coming

 Dear Sweet Juneleh,

I feel it coming. I sense something growing and building and it is not me exploding in your mouth. 

Could I have avoided that? Yeah, but I think you know by now how I think of you and it is not solely physical.

It is everything else that comes with it that gets me. There are so many things I want to share with you and talk about. You have occupied a place no one else has and that is meaningful to me.

We're both vaccinated now and it is just a matter of time before we get our moment. Just a matter of time before we see if you can withstand the intensity of my gaze. ;)

Just a matter of time before I pull you in close and whisper things in your ear. I know how to reach your heart and soul.

I know how to make you feel like a woman and remind you what electricity feels like and how to take you away from the 10,093,938 thoughts that are constantly moving through your mind.

It is going to happen Sweet June, you will find yourself looking up at me again. I will have you. I will take you and we will have our moment in our castle again.

The drawbridge will open for us any time we choose to approach it.

This I know and so many other things. :)

Second Post

 Dear Juneleh,

As promised earlier this is the second post of the day, wrote one earlier.

I keep getting interrupted so this one will be shorter for now, though I may come back and add to it. I really need my own office so that I don't have to contend with constant interruptions.

Anyway, I am curious to see if you come back tonight as I suspect you might. I'd like to take you away for a few days and have you to myself.

Not just because I intend to have my way with you because that is going to happen but because I'd like to get a chunk of time to just be with you. There is much to catch up on and talk about and if I had my druthers there would be plenty of time to just be.

But as I mentioned before I am not setting huge expectations. I am here to see what happens.

And if you think that means I want to make love to you, fuck you, ride you and cum in your mouth multiple times you're right.

And let's not forget, I like making you cum and remember getting multiples out of you and want to do that again. It is damn sexy and I like taking care of you.

So there are a few things, but it is all one step at a time now. Got a few ideas, oh yes I do and maybe I'll ever share them with you.

But first, we have to see each other and we will, Pasqualina said so. ;)

First Post On Monday

 Dear Juneleh,

Taking a short break to write the first post of the day and expect I'll probably write a second one here just because.

Haven't decided if I want to ask you if you remember what it was like to kiss me and to be kissed or if I am going a different direction.

Can't decide if I want you from behind, on your back or with your legs over my shoulders. Hell, I can't decide about a lot of things.

Can't wait to have you and can't wait to watch you wrap your lips around me.

Mostly can't wait to wrap you in my arms and have some time in our world. We need it.

Been a long year, baby, let me carry you for a bit and let's enjoy what only we can do for each other. It is time.