Three Fingers

Dear Juneleh,

Doing the usual dance where I see you have read something here so I come back and write something new just in case you show up again. Haven't a real agenda so I might write about I fit three fingers in you or say you are going to take me in your mouth again.

Not as romantic as many things I could write but since you are silent about my words I have nothing but my gut feeling to use to decide if you find it stimulating, offensive or otherwise.

Sometimes it irks me and I think about fucking your mouth but I don't think that would really bother you. Hell, I don't think there is anything I can do to you sexually that will irk you. You like being dominated by me.

That is because you trust me and know I won't ever intentionally hurt you. Doesn't mean you don't sometimes irritate me but hell maybe I irritate you too.

Bottom line is still the same for me. That crazy connection is there and I want to know more. I want to explore it and figure out what the fuck it means. Got no guilt about it because some things just are and that is you and I.

I still think you believe it and that you want it but fuck if I know if you'll truly submit. My best guess is you will and that isn't based upon anything rational. Hell, I still don't know if you are really waiting for me to play hero and come sweep you off of your feet.

I am too fucking honest with you as it is. You know much and I know whatever I gather based upon this crazy ESP we share or maybe it is the crazy in me.

Maybe I am crazy or maybe it is something else. I'll figure it out, one way or the other. This side or the next.

Got to live and love hard or so the poets say.

No Good Reason

Dear June,

Got no good reason to write this. No good reason to share more intimate thoughts and ideas here because you read them all and say nothing. You don't say yes, you don't say no and you don't say maybe.

Don't know if it is because you have no interest, no attraction,  no desire or no clue what to do or how to do it. Got a bunch of ideas and if I go solely on what appears to be most obvious the lack of response means you don't want anything to do with it.

You're in your cave living your life and I am just a memory.

But because I am stupid, dumb, tenacious and prone to going on off of my gut I think it is more of an uncertainty about what to do. I think you want to be with me. I think you want to be manhandled by me. I think you want to get lost and lose yourself in me and our world.

And I think it scares the fuck out of you. 

I also think that you might have some sort of idea/plan that you haven't shared with me because you are waiting for certain life events to take place and pass.

But hell, I could be wrong about all of it, part of it or none of it. Fuck if I know for certain anymore.

I know I want to spend time with you and live in our world. I know I want to see as adults what that looks and feels like. And yeah, I understand it is complicated and has some difficulties. I don't want anyone to get hurt.

But I don't want to ignore the voice in my head either that has this idea that it might be a crazy idea but it is not based upon crazy.

Love doesn't just die without reason. It might fade, change or turn into warm embers but it doesn't just die without reason. We have decades together apart which doesn't translate into decades of learning we dislike each other or have no friendship.

Best friends don't just lose that. They have to actively work to kill it.

I can't say we act like best friends or that we act like lovers. I can't say we act like best friends who want to be lovers.

I can only say I see the potential because we have been there before. I think if we were alone it would be easy for you to do anything and everything. About the only thing I haven't done with you is get you pregnant and we were about ready to do that.

So maybe this means everything and maybe it means nothing to you. Maybe I can't reach you anymore and it doesn't matter whether it is because you have no interest or refuse to let me in.

But maybe I can. And maybe your heart feels mine and maybe you dream at night about possibility. Maybe you get butterflies in your stomach or things get tingly down below.

Maybe describes many things and I can do a lot with maybe if I believe it makes sense even if it is not based upon rational thought and logic.

But time is limited and we never know what can happen to with or to whom.

Got no idea if you'll read this because you know I know you were here last night or if you'll disappear.

I am just a boy asking a girl to let me hold her and kiss her while we give each other what no one else has.

And if that is all it is, a question with no answer, well I guess that is an answer to.

Life is a hell of a ride and I learned long ago that my thoughts, ideas and plans don't always work as I expect. Sometimes they fall apart and sometimes they come together in unexpected ways that were better.

I just take it as it comes as best I can and do my damndest to sail around the rocks and through the storms. Got the scars and the experiences that prove I am pretty good at it too.

Maybe we'll share more stories and experiences in person. One never knows.

Sunday Night Musing Part 69

 Dear Sweet Girl,

I don't think you have read the post before this and hell I am not sure if you are going to read this one any time soon.

But I am writing it anyway.

I hurt myself and I am not sure how. Got something weird going on with a leg and it is irritating. Not painful enough to stop me from exercising or doing what I want to do but noticeable. Can't decide if I am supposed to do nothing and see if it heals or fight through it.

Could do the usual stuff and talk about kissing you or the the different ways I want to use your body as my play toy but I'll save it for now.

I miss talking with you, really talking. Miss being close. Have said it before, am saying it again.

Think it is time to sit down in person. There is something there. Need to explore it a bit.

When things are hard who do we go looking for.

Sunday Night Musing

Dear Lady Juneleh,

Well sweet girl you read one post here and I can't say if that is because it was late, I bored you or if 53 other things happened.

But here I am writing you again to ask how long you are going to make me wait before I get to kiss you again. How long before I get to take you and we get to roam through our kingdom.

You can tell me all you want about complications and challenges and I'll agree but fuck woman, we're not stupid people. This isn't impossible and yeah I understand some would claim there is moral ambiguity but fuck them.

Life is short and your silver carousel only spins in circles so many times and if you are going to let it take you up and down you might as well let me do the pumping.

I know you are thinking about it, maybe not every day and maybe you do your best to put those thoughts away but they creep back up. Wrap your hand around me and maybe you can see if you can make rise up too. ;)

Give me your hand and let's see if a boy and a girl can walk through their own private woods. I hear you about life feeling like a chore, let me help it feel less so

I can be sweet, or I can wrap both of my hands in your hair and remind you what it feels like to be a woman and to be alive in a way that no one else can.

Really.

Saturday Night

Dear June,

Hadn't heard from you all day and figured I would probably check in with you tonight and then boom, you wrote me.

Been thinking about you on and off as I am won't to do. When you told me about the current situation I understood your fear and concern, made perfect sense.

If I told you that when you said it could kill you my initial thought was you won't die because we are destined to sleep together again you might yell at me and say it is a selfish thought. You might call it ridiculous and or stupid or maybe not.

Your health is of paramount importance and of course I don't want anything to happen to you. In this place I always tell you what I think so I figured I'd mention both.

Hell, sometimes when I watch you on TV or wherever I picture you with your lips wrapped around me. It is just me, who I am. 

What drives it all is the deep connection. Hell if I know exactly how it all plays out. I still think we are going to have time together to be intimate. Who knows how that all plays out. I don't worry about it. I figure this is/was all improbable and yet here we are.

You do know that part of why I want that physical component is because when we have let go we have had that really deep, intimate trust. Why wouldn't I want to tear down that wall and go there again. We only get so many opportunities in life.

Not everyone gets to experience what we have. 

So do I want you on your back, from behind and on your knees, why I suppose I do.

Do your best to not buy trouble before it happens. It is hard to do it, but I have lived through some truly hellish and horrible times and can speak from experience.

If the bad shit comes it will get there and you'll have your fill or suris and if it doesn't, well you won't have lost as much sleep.

Easier said than done, but worth the effort.

I'll hold your hand and help Lady Juneleh.

Tearing Down The Wall

My Dear Juneleh,

You won't be surprised to hear me say I am trying to tear down the whatever remnants of the wall that remain. You know damn well I like your legs and your lips and that I sent you the picture of that dress because you would look damn sexy in it.

You know I remember so many of our conversations and all the things they covered. I can tell you about the times you told me you wanted me to take you, to use my knee to force your legs apart. Or the times you said I could have your whole body.

If we were alone I would kiss you and hold you. I would tell you I need a hug in the worst way and I can't tell you if I would ask for a blow job or simply grab hold of your head knowing you know to do.

My heart is pounding a bit cuz I feel the lighting in the air and sense the storm but not the kind of hurricane that destroys us. We're in the fucking eye of it and I think you know it too.

Baby, I need to kiss you...I just do.

I need to have you again, swear I can barely think. Might have blue balls and you haven't done anything physically here. How crazy is that.

Dancing in the fire, riding the storm, who knows where it goes...just have to walk through the door and find out.

Here is another 500 words or whatever it is that is about and for you. Might update this again today, won't be surprised if I do.

Black Sundress

 Dear Sweet Juneleh,

Surprised me when you asked for the URLS. I pondered whether you were fucking with me or if maybe you asked because you are ready to be fucked. Both are possible but I certainly prefer the latter.

I miss fucking you. I miss making love to you. I miss knowing that I can ask you for anything and get it. 

I am still certain you're going to find yourself on your back looking up at me and that I am going to get more opportunities to look you in the eye while I cum in your mouth.

The image of you in that black sundress, that got me. Thought about what it would be like to take it off of you.

Thought about taking a nap with you. Might take a moment before I would be able to let you sleep. Oh, so many thoughts.

I suppose now that you have opened the door a bit I'll be more direct with you elsewhere. Been biding my time intentionally.

Do I want your body?

You know I do.

Do I want to really talk and see what happens?

You know that I do.

Still no expectations, just interested in seeing what happens.

We like each other. We are intimately connected. We just are.

Where that leads I can't say, but it will be fun to find out.

Will You Come

Dear June,

Notice I added an 'e' to come because if I left it off it suggests a physical connection and I guarantee that connection will result in success.

I know your body well and I know your heart--those two work very well together and given my experience I have no doubt you will. I have counted the number of times I have done it before and determined I have made you cum 1,968,982 times.

Several were multiples and those left you exhausted and begging for more and for me to stop.

That is a pretty good feeling.

Furthermore every time I have cum in your mouth you have given me a huge smile, one that lights up your face. It is both sexy and satisfying.

But the question I posed in the headline is my curiosity about whether you will come visit this joint again tonight.

Curious to see if you visit so I can tell you about how I want to pull your hair and grab your head.

How I want to kiss you deeply and get lost in it. How I want to get lost in our world.

So though you haven't responded or replied I haven't lost faith cuz I know things. 

Too much has happened for this not to happen again. You hold one hell of a place inside me. Got until the end of the year.

Who would have thought we would live to see such craziness in our time.

Some say the country has changed and gotten meaner but I am really beginning to believe it has always been like this and that social media has revealed it and maybe made it worse.

I grow to dislike social media more and more.

But I never forget the gift it gave me and that was you and a return to writing and for that my eternal gratitude.

Kiss me woman.

Birthday Girl

Dear Birthday Girl,

Yeah, I know it is not today but we're getting pretty close, known you for almost 20 years but only celebrated in person once. I offered to take you out a while back but you didn't accept.

Well, that is not true you didn't say no either so if I take it as I take your silence on my telling you I plan on taking you again it is fair to say we'll do it one day. Funny time for that kind of stuff given all the craziness with Covid.

Eventually we'll get beyond that and we'll be comfortable going to restaurants. I figure that won't be the thing that is difficult, PDA and maybe not so much depending on the where and when.

You might think I am crazy to mention this but I have to to the state capitol for business and I can get us a room with ease. Can do that in other places too.

Can't blame me for wanting more time and wanting to have those experiences with you.As I have said more than once, not asking for guarantees of the future other than saying I am going to have you again.

Or maybe it is better to say we'll have each other again because you'll enjoy it as much as I will. That connection is timeless.

I am telling you birthday girl, I have this sense and though I might be crazy, I am not crazy.

The time is coming where you'll want to be in my arms and talk to me, really talk to me and let go. You know you can lean on me and tell me what weighs you down. I can always carry you, it just is and sometimes that is enough.

Kiss me woman.

Second or 25th August Update

Dear June,

Are you going to make me wait longer to bend you over the couch and have my way with you. Am I really going to have to wait longer to watch you wrap your lips around me and wrap my fingers in your hair.

Baby, I need to figure some things out and I need your help. I need your body and your attention. I need some in person loving and I need to feed you.

I have to figure out what is going on. I think things are working fine and it is just a question of the right personnel but can't say without science.

So I am asking for your body. I want all of you and I want to figure out if I am right. Two pumps and I can be buried to the hilt.

Hell woman, I will take care of you. I will make your toes point and your body quiver. That hasn't changed and I guarantee I can make you scream.

Time to submit and let me have my way with you. We're over due.

An August Update

Dear June,

Don't know when you are going to read this but have noticed for the last year or so you seem to show up once a month, sometimes more.

We haven't discussed FB 'rules' in years if ever but I find it funny how you give so many people a heart emoji and just a like to me. I am sure it is intentional but have no clue if you are trying to send a message to me or to others.

Not the biggest or most important thing but I suppose I notice because you are important to me. Not sure of what my role is or isn't in your life and most of the time don't think about it.

No point in agonizing or analyzing that which is complicated and not necessarily based upon logic or rational thought and yes, I know it goes both directions.

Funny sometimes how surreal the world is because I know so damn much about your life and in some ways so very little. Almost asked if someone was going to take their Dora bed to college but there wouldn't have been any context and didn't want to make anyone feel weird.

Mostly just writing to say I miss you and yeah, I can reach out and say that directly. Can call, email or text but am waiting on you.

Wondering what it means when you say you have so much going on. I am sure you know you can tell me, but I am not pushing because if you want me to know you will give me the update.

I suspect it is easier to keep your distance if you don't share that stuff with me and that is probably part of it. Still believe you'll be in my arms again but as always I make no prediction about the full context of that.

I only say we'll make love again because that connection isn't severed. Will it be once, 18 times or a million?

Maybe, not worrying about that one either.

Got to get back to work now.