Sex and Love

Dear June,

My sweet girl. It is evening and I am sitting here covered in sweat and waiting for you to go eat dinner so that I can go work out.

So this occurs to me

Harry Burns: The first time we met, we hated each other.

Sally Albright: No, you didn't hate me, I hated you. The second time we met, you didn't even remember me.

Harry Burns: I did too, I remembered you. The third time we met, we became friends.

Sally Albright: We were friends for a long time.

Harry Burns: And then we weren't.

Sally Albright: And then we fell in love.

[on sofa as last documentary couple]

Sally Albright: Three months later we got married.

Harry Burns: Yeah, it only took three months.

Sally Albright: Twelve years and three months.

Harry Burns: We had this - we had a really wonderful wedding.

Sally Albright: It was - it really was a

[laugh]

Sally Albright: beautiful wedding.

Harry Burns: [overlapping] It was great. We had this enormous coconut cake.

Sally Albright: Huge coconut cake with a - with a - tiers and there was this very rich chocolate sauce on the side.

Harry Burns: Right, cause not everybody likes it on the cake, cause it makes it very soggy.

Sally Albright: Particularly the coconut soaks up a lot of excess and you really - it's important to keep it on the side.

Harry Burns: Right.

I am feeling a bit crazed right now for a million different reasons none of which have to do with you. I think it is kind of funny that you keep telling me that all I do is talk about riding you all night long because we talk about a million other things.

We talk about work. We talk about life. We talk about docs, aging, glasses and more. And we dig a bit into us because we are reconnecting and aren't quite sure how to do it. There is a feeling that no time has passed and yet a million years have passed.

You'll read this twice and every time I write that I don't just love you, I fucking love you the smile on your face will get a bit broader.

And you'll ask yourself all the same questions about why I feel this way about you. So I'll wonder for a moment if there is something else I should know and then decide I don't really care because even though I like knowing everything about you it is ok if there is a gap here and there.

I'll move on past that because like I said we make each other happy and as goofy as it sounds I feel like we really are healing each other. We both feel like we look like hell right now and maybe we do. Maybe we don't come close to looking the way we want but it hasn't ever been about that.

Remember a million years ago when I said I just wanted to be inside you so that we could talk, well that is a big part of everything. I like being close and connected with you.

When you go a million years carrying the load by yourself you learn to go numb and then when you start to realize you don't have to it is hard to contain. I made a major move as you know and I am glad I did for a million reasons (yeah, I keep saying million) but most of them were based on life without you.

So when I think about everything I have as clear a conscience as I can have given the circumstances. It may not be perfect but life never is.

And I am far more focused on holding my best friend in my arms because it is what I want and need. We shouldn't go through life using objects to satisfy ourselves. We deserve better. You deserve better. You don't have to punish yourself.

You know I am a seeker and that I spend a ton of time thinking about life and what happens, but I don't do it with you in that way. I just let my heart take the lead.

I really do think we'll fall deeper this time and I am going to try and stop it. I am going to just ride this wave and see what happens because two people who have been through hell and hit low points they wondered if they would ever get out have found a way to feel the sunshine on their back again.

Right now I am perfectly happy with your loving me and being my friend. If other stuff comes than it comes and if it doesn't well that is ok because that is just how it is.