Crumbling

Woke up this morning and had to fight to get myself out of bed. Just one of those moments where I felt like I was crumbling and wondered how the hell I was going to get myself out of this. I don't experience these moments often but when I do, oh boy.

Won't go to the doc until I have my work situation resolved. This may be nothing more than stress related but I can't take anything more on. I am officially at capacity.

The hardest thing about this moment is it feels endless and there is this whisper inside my head that asks me why I think it will ever get better because the recent past shows it doesn't matter how hard I try.

All I can do is revisit mental list of successes and there are many to strangle that sucker and push him back down to where I don't have to listen. That is the joy of being your own worst critic. I am ready for that train ride we talked about taking or some other vacation.

My birthday wish is very simple this year. Give me a decent job and let me be able to live without worry again and that will be enough. And now this bald man is going back to the salt mines, this shit won't pass unless I make it happen and I will make it happen.