What Are Words

Dear Sweet June,

A few minutes after nine and I am finally at the computer. I think I must be exhausted and that is why I feel off, but that is not enough to keep me from writing you.

I was going to start with a quote from All I Ask Of You and then I thought I would go a different direction, maybe And So It Goes by Bill Joel or a line from Bruce.

"The screen door slams
Marys dress sways
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
Darling you know just what Im here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we aint that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night"
Thunder Road


We found that magic again now didn't we. We found it and now as much as you want to run to it part of you wants to run from it. It is that ring of fire we know so well, that one that burns, burns, burns and the pain is ever so sweet.


And then I thought about Silver Springs and how I watched a bunch of videos of Lindsey and Stevie singing together. And I remembered how in one of them they said Stevie stopped singing because she was crying and Lindsay had to finish.


And I thought about how that part killed me because I could picture us and I wondered if I was an idiot who had dreams of a life that never was and a love that was always better in my mind than in reality.


And then I kissed you yesterday and I remembered all that I had never forgotten all that I had always known. It has always been real. It is the real thing, never was anything but that.


And here we are dancing in and around the fire, burning, aching alone and apart and then together again.


And I thought about whether I should just let you be because I love you like I have never loved anyone and I said fuck no, I ain't walking. (See, I learned hick) and I was ok. I was good because this is just how it has to be for now.


And by that I mean I know I just have to let it unfold and see what happens, where it goes and all that other crap.


I know about being worn out and feeling like life has been a little bit more difficult than it could. I know about guilt and conflicted emotions but I know about more than that. I know about three weeks compressing five years of silence and turning it into something that feels like it never happened.


I know that it feels like no time has passed and that we are together as we have always been. I know that our experiences separate and together have made us stronger and better able to weather the storms.


I know more than just things.


And I come back to old familiar places and listen to them sing No Will Ever Love you and know that there is more than a little magic in the night. Know that one kiss set the world on fire and that I can kiss you and make you legs go weak.


I know that I can make love to you and unleash waves of passion that have been buried for millenia and that I want to because you deserve it. I want to help you feel what you have forgotten and to feel like you are floating because you deserve all that and though you may feel like you don't I don't care because I don't accept that.


Don't accept it because it doesn't make sense and I get that it may be misunderstood as being selfish in nature. I know you may try to make excuses and that you may think this is just me trying to find a way back inside, but understand woman, I don't have to try to find the way, the door is already open.


I want it because I want to take you the rest of the way into our special world. I want you to be there and to completely let go and let me carry you, if even for a moment because you do a fantastic job of taking care of everyone but yourself.


So I can keep going. I can write more about how beautiful you are and how sexy. I can say it, but I want you to see if reflected in my eyes and I want you to reach the point and place where you accept it.


Some relationships can't be stopped, they can only be slowed down.


I know things, lots of things and though I can't tell you everything that will happen I can tell you we are not going to just let go of each other now. Been through too much to just walk. Now we just enjoy and see what the days will bring.


There is no rush. Just enjoy babeleh and remember your Johnny never stopped loving you and never quite gave up.