Dear June,
By the time you get to read this I might be relatively drunk or maybe not. Been a long time since I drank like this. Had three cups of coffee and all sorts of Scotch. I don't do this often because the bill that comes with it is usually more than I wish to pay.
But sometimes I feel the need to let go or to try to let go more than I normally do and I suppose this is one of those moments. I keep myself buttoned up so damn tightly I am just not good at releasing things the way I might wish or want to.
My place is a wreck right now. I don't like it. Brought back lots of stuff and haven't made time to deal with it but that is ok because my plan was always to use tomorrow to unpack and organize and I will.
Four or five years ago I told one of the guys that I felt trapped and that I was furious about it. He told me that I wasn't and that it was just a question of perspective and he was right.
I look at it all and ask why I was so damn stupid.
But then I take a deep breath and think about all of the good things that have come from it all. I think about all that I have accomplished and I feel better because I have moved mountains and done some incredible things.
And I am still doing them.
So where do you fit into all of this and why am I telling you this.
Well it is because somewhere along this path we call life we met became friends, fell in love and then got lost. And somehow we found each other again and in less than a month have reached a place where we are both scared and excited in the best ways.
Maybe it is too much, too soon to say we are best friends again but we are damn close and I am ok with that.
Maybe I shouldn't tell you how badly I want to make love to you and how badly I want to kiss you. Maybe you'll be scared that the fire that burns inside me will burn you but I don't think you are really afraid of that or of me.
I don't really think you are afraid of us either. I think you are just afraid and that is ok, I get it.
Do you still believe that people get someone who is the love of their life or is that just a dream/myth that someone made up and people want to believe in.
Sometimes I think it is true and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I hope it is and sometimes I don't.
There is so much I want to show you but I figure there is still time for that and no need to rush anything.
I know I keep saying that, but it makes sense to me. If after a decade here we are then who am I to worry. It is why I am calm.
Of course knowing you love me and I am not crazy helps. That was really important to me. I figured that the one thing I had to know, regardless of what happened or didn't happen was that what I felt wasn't a myth. it is why I wrote about intuition and desire.
Anyway,I am going to stop this here and write more later.
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