What If

Saturday morning and I am up much earlier than I normally would be, not particularly happy about it either but shit happens.

You are my girl whether you admit it or not, for no other reason than when you are excited or upset or just interested in company I am the person you come looking for. That means something.

Your challenge is to turn of the "what if" inside your head and try to deal with what is.It is not always easy and I am not always good at it either, but it makes life easier.

If had done a better job of it we might already be married and could have another two kids to love and have fun with.

But years  ago I got scared and the what if factors had me wondering about every little thing. What if we had those two more kids. What if we had four. It wasn't completely ridiculous to think about.

What if there were six or eight between us. What if things didn't work. What then. How about this and how about that.

Well I am stopped worrying about most of the what ifs because they are whispers that suck the joy out of life and I have enough stress without that. Moving towards today I could get lost in the what ifs again. I could say that we are fools to do what we are doing. I could make a case for how silly and dangerous it is and I can do the exact opposite too.

Here is where I am coming from.  I really do believe that we were put in this position but I can't tell you why or maybe I am afraid to try. Either way it doesn't matter because I know how I plan on handling everything.

One day at a time.

I am so very glad we found each other again. Not going to worry about whether it is right or wrong or complicated because things are better. Maybe that is selfish but sometimes we have to be. Sometimes we are entitled to be. Sometimes we need to be, for our own mental and emotional health.

I don't know if we are going to sleep together tomorrow. I truly don't have a plan to try and make it happen nor a promise to say it won't. My plan is to unwind from a ridiculously hard week and to do it with a woman who makes me very happy.

If you want my honest thoughts I'll say that even if you don't feel sexual you would still love to let me have you and here is why. You are kind, giving and nurturing and it would make you feel good to give yourself to me because I would be happy.

If you decide to do it you'll let me do whatever I want because if I am happy you are happy. It is one of the things I love about you. I love that nurturing side.

But I understand that there is a world of noise and chaos inside your head and why you might not do it. I can tell you that you should let it happen because it doesn't have to be an all or nothing proposition and that when you say sneaking around it doesn't have to mean every week or multiple times a week.

But I also understand that might not work for you or maybe it will.

And that line of thought is really why I am going to drop it because it doesn't line up with one day at a time. I want to focus on what we know and what is.

In its simplest form we know we love each other and that we make each other happy. I won't suggest what that should or should not lead to because we don't need to do that. Sometimes you just say I love you and life is better and leave it at that because our control is very limited.

Here we are in a place that you could say is completely unexpected and yet makes total sense too.

So come sit on my lap and we'll just hold each other for a few and be thankful for the gifts that come with that.